Page 74 of Love You From Afar

“I know our situation isn't ideal, but I just thought you would…” I trail off, trying to find the right words to say.

“I can see the regret in your eyes, Everett,” I sigh. “And you know what hurts the most? The fact that I don’t blame you for regretting it. Ican’tblame you for it. How could I? I was the one who walked away, and then three years later decided to jump into bed with you after my fiancé cheated on me. God,” I scoff, “saying it out loud makes it sound even worse.”

His eyebrows shoot up as he lets out an exasperated breath.

“Do you seriously think that Iregretlast night?”

“I know you do,” I respond without hesitation.

“Skylar,” he croaks. “Last night was something I had dreamed about for years,” he admits, his tone dead serious. “Having you in my bed, kissing you, watching you come apart in my arms, sleeping with your body pressed to mine… it was all so fucking perfect.Too perfect,” he adds in a low tone.

“Waking up with you in my arms is the best feeling in the world, but it also scares me shitless, because I don’t know where we stand, Skylar,” he rasps. “I can’t go another three to five years waiting for the next time you want me. I have loved you from afar since the day I met you, and I can’t live like that anymore.”

I have loved you from afar since the day I met you.

“You what?” My eyes flinch at his confession.

“Don’t act so surprised,” he exhales. “Why do you think I haven’t fucked anyone else for three years? Why do you think I set ground rules when we started the trip? Because I knew I would give in the second you touched me or brought up the past. I’ve never been able to resist you. I have never been able to move past you and trust me, I’ve tried like hell. I’ve been in love with you for years, Skylar. I love you, and no matter how hard I try not to, I always will.”

I’ve been in love with you for years, Skylar.

My world stops at the mention of those three words falling from his lips. My heart lunges for him, but I can’t seem to move my limbs. My mouth opens and closes as I try to string together a coherent sentence.

“Everett,” I exhale, water building behind my eyes. “I… I don’t know what to—”

“I don’t expect you to say it back,” he cuts in. “I just… I can’t continue living like this, Sky. I’m going to be forty in five years. I don’t want to look up one day to see that my life has passed me by.”

“So what are you trying to say?” I ask, my voice shaking.

“I’m saying that I want you, Sky,” he clarifies, my shoulders relaxing with each word. “I’ve always wanted you. But if you don’t want me, then you need to tell me. If you don’t see this going anywhere, if you don’t see a future with me, then just tell me. I would rather you rip off the band-aid now than spend another minute living in the gray.”

He runs a trembling hand through his hair, inhaling a deep breath before continuing.

“Look… I’m not asking you to marry me, I just need to know where we stand. I need to know that I’m more than just a good fuck every few years. I need to know that I’m more than just Elliot’s brother to you, because this… This is fucking killing me.” His voice cracks with emotion as he holds my stare. I reach across the table and grab his hand, threading our fingers together.

“Of course I want you, Everett,” I whisper, my eyes flickering between his. “You may not believe me, but I’ve been living in my own personal hell too. There… There are reasons why I chose Elliot, reasons why I decided to walk away. But I’m not lying when I say that it’s always been you.”

He stares down at our linked hands, his throat bobbing heavily as he swallows.

“What are those reasons? Help me understand, Sky,” he rasps quietly.

A beat of silence passes before he gently squeezes my hand, giving me the confidence to voice what I’ve wanted to tell him for years.

“I was twenty-two when I first met Elliot,” I exhale. “I had just graduated from college, and I was determined to make a life for myself. When I got the job at Ace Financial, I couldn't believe it. I had always dreamed about living in the city and working in one of the tall glass buildings. I met Elliot during my first week on the job and at first, I only saw him through rose-colored glasses. He was older, handsome, smooth-talking, a top lender at the company, and interested inme. In the beginning of our relationship, he was kind, attentive, affectionate… all the things a boyfriend should be,” I shake my head and scoff.

“I was never head over heels in love with him, but I also didn’t think that type of love existed. But that was before my entire world was turned upside down. Before I met you,” I whisper.

Everett brushes his thumb along the back of my hand, his lips turning up in a soft smile.

“The morning after our night together, I laid in bed with my back turned to Elliot, watching the sunrise through the porthole window. As the sun climbed higher in the sky, I knew you would be on that deck. I just knew you would be there, waiting for me. I also knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life.”

Everett squeezes my hand, his lips turning up in a sad smile.

“I wanted you more than anything, but I was so scared, Everett. I was scared that Elliot would retaliate, and I would lose my job. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to financially support myself. I was afraid to let my family down. I was afraid of losing everything I had worked so hard for. But most of all, I was fucking terrified of the way I felt for you. I’mstillterrified of the way I feel for you. You make time feel like forever isn’t enough,” I rasp, my eyes flickering between his.

“But I know what it feels like to live without you and even though time isn’t guaranteed, I’ll take every second I can get before I go back to burning for you every day.” I finally exhale a shaky breath, feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Everett stares back at me intently, his eyes glossing over with unshed tears. He tightens his hold on my hand before tugging me towards him.

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