Page 12 of Ruled Out

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Hours later,I’m pacing back and forth in my bedroom. Not only did I jerk off to Phoebe in the shower, but I impulsively texted her to check in and say goodnight.What the hell am I doing?

It’s like I’m a teenager again. My brain seems to run on impulse in any situation involving her. Even after ending our conversation, I keep thinking about her playful texts and emojis.Was she trying to flirt with me?

She’s eighteen, and I’m her thirty-one-year-old coach.Jesus Christ, I have to stop.I should be the adult, yet I’m the one fueling the fire. Maybe I need to talk to someone. The fact that I’m keeping this bottled up just makes it seem worse.

“Fuck it,” I utter. After mindlessly pacing for another five minutes, I dial the one person I trust with my life.

“Heybrother,don’t you know it’s like one in the morning?” my sister, Willow, answers with a sleepy groan.

“Yeah, sorry. I was kind of hoping you were up. I can call back tomorrow,” I respond with a sheepish smile. Willow’s always been a night owl, but I forget that her new job requires her to wake up bright and early.

I wait as she clears the sleep from her throat. “No, you’re fine. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s okay.” I stay silent for a second before continuing. “Remember that time when we were kids, and you accidentally stole that horrible pink bracelet from the convenient store? You acted like you just robbed a bank,” I laugh. “You had the bracelet on your arm when we got home, forgetting to take it off at the store. You sobbed and made me promise to never tell Mom and Dad. You even made me say that I bought it for you so you could wear it around,” I smile, remembering my twelve-year-old ass lying to our parents about a two-dollar bracelet.

With Willow four years younger than me, it’s safe to say I’ve told more than a few white lies for her. She sure as hell has done the same for me.

“Oh my God, I haven’t thought about that in years,” she replies. I can practically hear the smile in her voice. “Do you know I’ve never told Mom and Dad? They would probably laugh their asses off that we’ve kept it a secret for this long.”

“You better not have told Mom and Dad,” I joke. “We made a pact to never tell each other's secrets. Even if you stole a thousand more pink bracelets, it would go to the grave with me. You made me pinky promise, remember?” I laugh at the thought.

“How could I forget?” she chuckles, before returning to a more serious tone. “It’s fun going down memory lane and all, but why are bringing this up? Are you drunk, Knox?”

I sigh. No more stalling. “I wish being shitfaced was the reason I’m calling you, but no. I need to get something off my chest. You were the only person I trusted to call. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Okay….” she replies, clearly confused.

Absolute. Silence.

“Knox, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?” she rushes out, sounding worried. “Oh my God, are you sick?”

Willow is basically having a conversation with herself at this point. “Knox, what the fuck? Just spit it out alrea-”

“I’m attracted to one of my athletes,” I blurt out, cutting her off. “Like one of the players I coach. I think about her in a way a coach shouldneverthink about a player.Ever. I can’t even believe these words are coming out of my mouth. You probably think I’m a pervert or some shit.”

“Oh, thank God,” she utters with a sigh of relief.This is not the response I was expecting.“I thought you were going to tell me you were dying or that someone else died. Jesus, Knox. Next time you’re planning to tell me you have a crush, use a better delivery method.”

My eyes go wide as my jaw drops. “A crush? Willow, she’s a fucking teenager. I’m her coach. The worst part is, I think the attraction is mutual.”

“She’s eighteen, right?” Willow asks. “I mean, I get that you’re her coach, but why are you acting like it’s the end of the world? Two adults are attracted to each other, big whoop.”

“Willow, she just graduated high school. She’s only eighteen. I can guarantee you that a man in his thirties is not what she’s looking for, or what she needs.”

“Who the hell are you to decide what she wants? God, being a woman in today's society is shit,” Willow quips.

“Willow… that’s not what I’m saying. Do you not see where I’m coming from? I could lose my career over something like this. She could lose everything she’s worked for. It’s not right and you know it,” I sigh, running a hand through my hair.

“Has anything happened between you two?”

“No,” I quickly reply. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. When we’re in the same room, it’s like we can sense each other. The more I’m around her, the harder it is to deny the attraction. I’m supposed to be her coach for the next four years; what the hell do I do?” I ask, clearly defeated.

I practically hear her shrug through the phone. “I don’t know, dude. I’ve never seen you so worked up over a girl before.”Thanks, Willow. That helps a lot.

“Willow…” I groan in frustration.

“Just be her coach,” she replies. “Simple as that. You have no other option. What are you gonna do? Resign because you have a crush? You’ll get over it. Just don’t allow yourself to be alone with her. Treat her like you would any other player.”

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