Page 11 of Dance for Me

She missed him, goddamn it, but she didn’t know how to get back to how they’d been. Didn’t know if they’d ever be the people they were before he said the words that tore her into pieces.

“Bodie. Why the hell didn’t you tell me things had gotten so bad?”

Wasn’t that just like him? Jumping into the fray like a white knight? Bodie slipped her mask on before she turned to face him, barely restraining herself from clambering over the bar and hugging him. She wasn’t willing to open herself so quickly to being hurt again.

“What do you care? I’m the product of my family upbringing, aren’t I? I should rot like the rest of them.” The bitterness in her tone slipped free before she could stop it, and she saw it strike a mark she hadn’t known she was aiming for. “I’m no longer your concern, Liam.”

“Baby,” he said so gently despite the pain in his eyes, “you’ve never stopped being my concern. I messaged you, wanting to apologize. Called you more times this last two weeks than I have in the past two years. You didn’t answer, didn’t call me back.”

Her throat closed; she coughed, trying to ease the constriction. “I had to sell my phone. I couldn’t afford to pay for it, and with you gone, there was no one to speak to anyway.”

Regret flashed over his face, making him look older than he was. “I’ve been right here, Bo. Right here, kicking myself for saying what I did. The stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t mean it to sound the way it did. It was cruel and unjust, and you have every right to kick me out of your life if that’s what you want. But I’ve missed you so fucking much, it’s like there’s a hole in my chest that throbs with every breath.”

Yeah, she knew how that felt. “You hurt me.”

“I know. Trust me, I’d do anything to pay penance for it. Nothing’s been right since you walked out of here, Bodie. Nothing. Hell, I haven’t been able to top a partner in two weeks,” he muttered in disgust. “The last time that happened, I’d had the flu for a goddamn month. Food tastes like shit. There’s not a thing that can hold my attention because all I can think about is you and how you looked when you walked away.”

For the first time since she came back to the club, Bodie opened her eyes and let herself look at Liam. His usually immaculate blond hair was a fraction longer than he liked it, roughly tousled and unkempt, and he had the start of a rather nice beard. Untidy, untrimmed, but it had potential.

But beneath the facial hair, his cheekbones were stark. There were dark shadows beneath his tired gray eyes, a stark contrast to the paleness of his skin. In all honesty, his face looked as bad as she felt.

She wanted to cry. The pressure of her life crashed down on her hard enough she sniffled, her throat squeezing shut as though as a fist lodged in her airway. Grinding her teeth, afraid she would let the sluice gates open and not get them shut again, she focused on finding her strength, her calm, and casting aside what made her vulnerable.

“Oh Bodie. Baby.” Liam moved faster than she’d ever seen him, hurrying down the length of the bar and flipping the hatch hard enough for it to crack against the shelving unit beside it. His eyes never left her as he came to her and simply enfolded her in his arms. “I’m sorry, Bo. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Her cheek rested on his chest as he rocked them both from side to side, shushing her softly. One would think she was on the verge of hysterics, but only she knew the violence of the emotional storm brewing inside her. Breathing deep of his scent, so comforting and familiar, there was no choice but to let her anger dissipate.

Living without this, without him as her rock? She couldn’t do it. The vow she’d made to herself earlier in the day couldn’t hold up against the sense of coming home she found in his arms, but...

“I don’t know if I can trust you anymore,” she murmured and felt him stiffen. She turned her forehead to press against the tense muscles of his sternum.

His hands framed her head, eased her away so he could stare down at her. Gray eyes were dark with hurt and concern, but he didn’t push her away as she expected—as she would have done if he’d declared he couldn’t trust her. “If that’s the case, I have no one but myself to blame, Bo. I’m not making excuses for what I said, because there are none. There’s a world of difference between you and those fuckers who raised you, baby. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”

“Part of you did. The part of you that can’t help but dispense the truth. You’re an honest guy, Liam, but...knowing you think that of me, believe I could be anything like my father...” Fuck, this was why she didn’t talk about her feelings. “It made me feel dirty. Like I’ve been tainted all these years. Like maybe I’m not so far removed from them after all.”

“That was never my intention, Bodie. You’re sweet and kind, which immediately gives you a headstart on your bitch of a mother, not to mention smart, talented, and compassionate. Abraham can’t hold a candle to you, baby.” His fingers flexed on her head as though he was thinking violent thoughts. “Tell me what I need to do to start rebuilding your faith in me.”

How did one go about rebuilding what was crumbled and unstable? Was it better to demolish what was left and relay the foundations, or try salvage the remnants and recreate what had been there before?

Head beginning to throb with stress, Bodie closed her eyes and sighed. She didn’t have all the answers—hell, she was struggling to come up with just one. “Ask me something else, Liam. I never thought I’d be in this position with you.”

“Me neither.” His sigh was as heavy as hers, just as mournful. But he pressed his lips to her forehead in a brotherly kiss. “I’ll find a way to fix this, Bodie. I promise. Right now, I’m just grateful you’re talking to me, even if you can’t forgive me yet. Why don’t I get you some food? You can eat, then take a nap and get rid of that headache.”

Her stomach chimed in noisily, giving him an affirmative before she could say anything. It amazed her how he could read her so easily, down to the brewing headache. He was still the same Liam, she told herself. Still the same soft-hearted, caring guy she’d known for years.

“Put that money somewhere safe before you lose it,” he continued, stepping back reluctantly. “Braun doesn’t make grand gestures often, so you’ve made an impression on him. I know you’re not sure about working here, Bo, but if you take the job after tonight, you’ve landed on your feet with him. He’s a stubborn bastard, strict, but he takes cares of his employees.”

The sudden change of subject threw her for a moment. As her sluggish brain switched gears, she watched him head back behind the bar. “It’s not him I’m worried about.”

“Hmmm. I know what you worry about, baby, and it always comes down to sex.” Liam stroked his hand down her arm before heading back behind the bar and busying himself with gathering things from places she couldn’t see. “Sex is something you’ve always shied away from discussing, and it still baffles me. Not that I blame you after what your fucking mother did to you.”

Bodie shuddered at the memory. She never wanted to feel that helpless again. Chained and padlocked by her wrists and ankles to the construction site fence, cold and naked and exposed, she’d barely stopped herself from screaming broken pleas for help. Even as the wounds from her mother’s cronies bled crimson onto the dirty ground, she’d held her tongue until her rescuer arrived the next morning.

“I don’t talk about that,” she reminded him in a sharp tone born of fear. Fear that her weakness would be revealed, and that people would see her for the scared, pathetic little girl she was. This façade she wore was well-worn, fitting her like a second skin, but the person beneath still lurked.

“And I understand why, although I stand by my opinion that you should have gone for counselling. That shit can fuck with your head in ways you can’t imagine.” He glanced at her over the sleek wooden top. “It can affect your future relationships, how you think about certain things, react to different stimulus.”

Her eyes dropped to her hands as she rolled the money between her fingers. He didn’t suspect, did he? No, he wouldn’t have any reason to. Just because she’d been single for an extraordinary amount of time—like, forever—it didn’t mean anything. She knew plenty of people, women and men, who preferred their own company over that of a lover.

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