Page 23 of Dance for Me

“Whatever you’re running from, whatever demons you’re battling with, I can help you, darlin’. We’re all here to help however we can. Being strong is all well and good, but sometimes we get mired in shit too deep to climb out on our own.” Braun sighed and brushed his thumb beneath her eye. “I know the signs of a woman on the brink of snapping, Bodie, and you’re one short step away from tumbling off the cliff. I think you know how close you are to shattering, don’t you, darlin’?”

No, I’m not. I’m stronger than that.

His lips twitched. “Strongest woman of my acquaintance,” he murmured as though she’d spoken aloud, “but not invulnerable. Bet there’s moments where all you want to do is cry, right? Bawl your eyes out until there’s nothing left. You go through periods of time where things seem settled and good, then swing into moods so dark and angry, you scare yourself with how violent you become. And then there’s the days where you think no one loves you, no one cares what happens to you. That no one ever will.”

Bodie stopped breathing. Her heart and lungs constricted in sync with each other, bound up in a giant fist that crushed them into bloody, useless pulp in her chest. The painful truth—because damn him to hell and back, it was the horrible truth—hurt more than anything her parents had ever done to her.

She didn’t want to be loved because she couldn’t be loved.

Vehemently, she shook her head in denial.

“What you haven’t quite grasped yet,” Braun continued relentlessly in that soft, empathetic voice as she fought the urge to cover her ears with her hands, “is that you’re already loved, little one. There are people who care for you, about you. Spend any amount of time here and I have no doubts the Mistresses will have you tucked under their wing, and the Masters will fawn over you. Take a chance, Bodie. Close your eyes and take the leap. We’ll catch you, I promise.”

“Nobody wants to love a crazy person,” she whispered dully.

The noise he made was almost non-human. He stood abruptly, and Bodie silently mourned the loss of his touch. Her wrist and cheek pulsed warmly where his skin had pressed to hers, and she wanted the security of—holy shit, what was he doing?

She squeaked in alarm, wriggling frantically as he plucked her off the chair with strength no man should have. He swung her around, then sat down and arranged her on his lap like an overgrown child. Her ass nestled into his lap; her thighs draped over his. His hand pushed her head into the curve where shoulder met neck. “I don’t usually take matters into my own hands like this, Boadicea, but I’ve never known anyone as conflicted as you are. You are not crazy. You are not unlovable. Why won’t you give me a chance to prove it to you?”

Body rigid, she refused to relax into his hold no matter how wonderful it felt. Maybe she sniffed at his throat—just a little—but only because she liked the scent. He smelled like bergamot and smokey wood. She hummed low in her throat and nuzzled a bit nearer, discovering the smell calmed her ragged nerves.

Braun cradled her, his hand rubbing up and down her arm until, before she realized it, she was snuggling deeper into the warmth of his body. “There we go, darlin’. Takes a bit of time but nothing beats feeling lonely like a cuddle.”

She shouldn’t be doing this. The angry side of her paced restlessly inside her head, disgusted by the frank display of weakness. She might as well be laid on her belly, naked ass in the air, and her throat bared for the taking. She’d never been as exposed as she was in this moment.

But the side of her that was dying in increments from loneliness and abuse lapped up every second of his attention. Could it be like this if she went against her gut instincts and offered herself to him?

A sob built in her chest. A huge bubble of emotion rising up her throat, triggering her usual response—throttle it back, swallow it down before tears burned her eyes and her breath hitched.

“No, you don’t, darlin’. Not this time. That shit’s coming out one way or another, and this way, I don’t have to spank it out of you.” Braun pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and his hands stroked and petted. His body was relaxed under hers, rocking her gently. “Once that first painful wave passes, the rest will follow, little one. You’ll feel so much better if you let it go.”

Bodie struggled in his arms but he wouldn’t let go. All the tender caresses and gentle words messed with her self-control, distracting her so the reins slipped through her slippery fingers an inch at a time. She twisted and bucked, terrified by the savage pressure in her head that wouldn’t back the fuck off despite her best attempts to thwart it.

“This is necessary, Bodie. For once in your life, trust someone else to take care of you the way you deserve. Trust me.” He rose from the chair and sat her on the desk briefly.

Her fists pounded on his broad chest, bouncing off the muscles under his shirt until they felt bruised and swollen. The agonizing shriek in her throat wouldn’t shift, choking her. The room around her blurred dangerously with hot, thick tears ready to spill and humiliate her.

Braun’s hands grasped her hips and he hefted her off the desk. Her legs clamped around his waist automatically, her arms coiled around his neck, and she clung to him desperately as she fisted her hands in the soft silk of his shirt. There was no fight left in her when he coaxed her to rest her cheek against his neck, nothing left to stop the crack in the dam from splitting wide open when one big hand patted her back and rubbed slow, firm circles over her shoulders.

He walked with her around the room that way, crooning to her, reassuring her, prying open more and more old wounds inside her already bleeding heart.

The sob burst free with a keening sound that burned her throat.

“Good girl, Bodie. Such a good fucking girl. You’ve been strong for so long, but you don’t have to be, darlin’. Give it all to me now. Let me shoulder the weight for a while.”

She didn’t have a choice; he’d taken it out of her hands.

Somewhere in the ensuing chaos, she silently thanked him for it.

*

The deluge erupted in a cacophony of noise that was barely human. The sounds she made tore holes in his heart and ripped his composure to shreds. Tears soaked his shirt, his skin, within only a minute or two.

How the fuck she’d kept this bottled up inside her for all this time, Braun didn’t know. He sure as hell couldn’t have done it, just as he was positive she couldn’t have continued for much longer. There was so much pain crammed into every inch of her, it was a wonder she could still function like a normal human being.

He could feel her fingers flexing on his back, kneading the muscles in what he could only assume was an act of self-comfort. He didn’t care what she used if it worked to bring her some peace. Hell, he’d even let her beat on him some more—she definitely didn’t hit like a girl, those tiny fists of hers packed a punch.

With Bodie wrapped around him, he strolled around and around the office. Her slim body vibrated under his hands, her slight frame heaving with sobs that almost shook her apart at the seams. Someone needed to take charge over her, take care of her, before this downward spiral landed her in shit.

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