Page 17 of Wood You Rather?

“I poked around at housing and came up empty. There are no open short-term rentals available at the moment. And if we’re doing this fake relationship thing, it makes sense for you to stay at my house.”

Thatwas a curveball, and it had my mind and my body halting. Although I guessed it made sense on paper. I wasn’t sure how I’d handle sharing space with Mr. Uptight Maine 2023, but I had lived through far worse.

“I have guest rooms. I’ll make sure you have office space too.”

I hummed in agreement as I sifted through the clothes hanging on the rod. I needed to focus, or I’d freeze my ass off up there.

“Are you really sure?” he asked. “You aren’t upset? Confused? You’re not going to quit on us, right?”

“Um…” I said, holding up a down parka I had bought years ago for a ski trip, “wasn’t planning on it.”

He exhaled. “Okay, good. It was my sister-in-law’s idea. I didn’t think you’d go for it.”

“It’s a great idea.” I tossed the parka onto theyespile on the bed. “I can’t wait to meet your sister-in-law. She sounds a lot smarter than you.”

He groaned in response, and I had to bite back a laugh. He made it too easy sometimes.

“Hopefully the ruse won’t require much,” he said, his tone businesslike again. “A few public appearances and some chatting with the gossipy locals, and then everyone should leave you alone. I’ll make sure we keep a low profile to avoid suspicion.”

“I’ll be fine. And I’m a great actor. I’m sure you have experience with this. Girls faking it with you?”

“You get a lot wrong. You know that?”

“Sorry, must have gotten you confused with another soulless finance bro I know.”

“I can’t wait to show you how wrong you are about me.”

“Goody!” I said in a fake cheerleader voice. “Just think, we’ll have so much time to get to know each other. You can teach me all about your favorite cryptocurrency and regale me with the minutia of your golf game.”

“You really think I’m boring, don’t you?”

“What gave it away?” I threw a few more sweaters onto the bed, then reached for a fleece hoody in the back. “Ooh,” I said, almost dropping the phone. “We need pet names to really sell the ruse. What do you think about Schmoopy?”

Silence.

“Pookie? Sweetums? Muffin? Yeah, not feeling it. Oh, okay, I got it! Stud muffin. Yup, that’s the winner.”

“Are you done?” he growled, his annoyance traveling through the phone, bouncing off a satellite, and landing in my ear.

“I’m just getting started. This is gonna be such fun.”

* * *

“What the fuck is this?” Liv asked, holding up an oversized woolen sweater. It was a sad oatmeal color but really thick. My aunt had given it to me for Christmas eight or nine years ago, and it was just the type of thing I’d need up north.

“This needs to be burned. Or turned into a kitty blanket for Chris Hemsworth. And these?” She held up a pair of waffle-knit long undies from L.L. Bean. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m headed up north for weeks, Liv.”

“It’s October. This is Maine. Not Antarctica.” She shuffled over to my closet and pulled out several dresses and three pairs of heels. “Plus, you’ve got to look good.”

“There is literally no reason for me to look good. I’ve got a job to do. And I need to finish packing so I can wrap up the last of my cases and get moving on my preliminary research. The logging industry has a lot of moving parts. I’m trying to familiarize myself.”

“Do you have a cover story? How are you going to explain randomly showing up in East Podunk, USA, wearing the world’s ugliest clothes?”

“He called me this morning after my run. We actually figured out how we’re gonna play it.”

“Hit me.”

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