Page 60 of Girl Going Nowhere

Fingers tightening in my lap, I try choosing my words carefully. “Was it worth it?”

He takes a moment, the silence too thick for the implication of what’s left unsaid. If he feels bad about whatever he and Vanessa have done, he’s not letting it cut through the distance coating his face as he weaves through the cars, finally cruising past twenty miles an hour.

“You know better than anybody that we’ve had to work ten times harder to get where we are,” he says, glancing into his side mirror before merging toward the exit lane. “Our circumstances mean we have to do things we might not be proud of. I’m doing what I need to for my family. You would do the same.”

“And what about the people you hurt? What about their families?” He knows who I’m referring to without me needing to say so.

This time, Rafael doesn’t hesitate. “I’ve always cared about everybody before myself. My mother. My cousins. My friends. Is it so wrong that I do this for me?”

It’s true what they say. Money changes people. Because the person driving this ridiculous car is nothing like the guy I used to know. “It’s wrong when we always swore we’d be better than Anthony.”

“Fuck you,” he growls. “I’m taking care of people. He destroyed them. We’re different.”

“Tell that to Blake,” I whip back.

He white knuckles the steering wheel. “I don’t want to hear it, Dante. If you have a problem, go home and complain to your little boyfriend about it.”

My body locks up at those harsh words.

The rest of the drive to his condo is thick with silent tension. When he parks in the garage underneath his building, I grab the door handle and say, “I’m going to catch a ride to the train station.”

“Dante, stop.”

I step out and bend down to look into the car at him. “I’ve already got one family member who makes my life hell because of who I am. I don’t need another homophobic dickbag trying to make me feel bad about it. You say you’re nothing like Anthony but look in the goddam mirror.”

He doesn’t respond, only stares at me.

“Good luck with the game tomorrow.”

I slam the door closed and ignore him calling out to me, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders.

That’s when I realize what just happened.

Did I just come out to my brother?

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Blake

Iwalk inafter another long day at work feeling ten times more drained than normal after filtering calls on my cell phone. Unless it’s one of my roommates, my mother, my lawyer, or the daycare, I don’t bother picking it up or listening to the voicemails. I’m too scared one will be from Dover or his team telling me I breached the agreement. Every new face that comes into the doctor’s office is one I’m afraid will hand me papers saying I’ve been served or tell me they know who I am.

Denial only gets a person so far before anxiety catches up.

I’m grateful today is one of the boys’ days to pick up Maia because she’s always worn out from all their antics by the time I’m home. When I close the front door behind me and see her laughing and holding on to Brodie’s shirt as he crawls around the floor with her on his back, I know she’ll be out like a light after dinner.

“Horses?” I guess tiredly.

Brodie grins up at me, hoofing the hardwood floor. “How’d you guess?”

“Giddy up! Giddy up!” Maia kicks at his sides and tugs on his shirt, bouncing until he chuckles and does another circle around the living room.

Maia’s obsession with horses started when she was two. The only show she would fall asleep to wasMy Little Pony, so I’d have to record as many episodes as possible and play them when I needed her to take a nap and give me a break. Brodie, Finn, and occasionally Dante would even sit and watch with us until they were practically part of the Bronie club.

“Why don’t you give Uncle Brodie a break?” I suggest, pulling her off him and giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek that she has the nerve to wipe off with her hand. “I missed you. Did you have a good day?”

Maia squirms, reaching back out toward the man I took her from. “No! Brodie! Giddy up. Play horse wid me.”

Brodie winks at me as he stands, taking her back and holding her against his side.

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