Page 18 of Girl Going Nowhere

Of course she wants to know that. Anything to protect me from ruining the deal that will make her and I both a hell of a lot richer. “No. I need you to figure out who she is. I sent you a picture of her. She’s from New York. Her name is Blake. She’s got a kid. That’s all I know.”

There’s a pause. “You’re not kidding.”

Unfortunately for her, no. “Hire whoever you need to and let me know what you find out.”

I hang up without feeling guilty since she’s the one who sent me here in the first place. The least she can do is hire the same private eye that I know she has in her back pocket.

CHAPTER NINE

Blake

“You didwhat?” Emily squeals, almost dropping her frozen yogurt. It’s our tradition whenever we see each other, no matter what time of year it is or how cold it is outside.

I make a face as I stare at my bland cookies and cream froyo. Normally, I’m more adventurous with my food, but my appetite hasn’t been strong since I climbed into my best friend’s car at the airport.

“It was an in-the-moment type of thing that made me feel young again.”

She snorts. “You’re twenty-four.”

“You know what I mean. It made me feel like the carefree girl I was before Maia.” I stick my spoon into the yogurt and set the cup down on the table. “I guess part of me was proving Finn right at that moment. I use men who I’ll never have to settle down with to feel good.”

My friend abandons her mid-afternoon snack to level me with a narrowed gaze. “You mean your sexy and nerdy roommate who admitted he has feelings for you days before you boarded a plane and gave astrangerahand job?”

There’s no point in wincing or feeling bad about it now. What’s done is done. “When you word it like that…”

“Blake.” Emily sighs. “You know I love you to death, but you’re always self-sabotaging when something is going good. Remember David? He communicated consistently, put effort into seeing you, and wanted more than sex. And the second you realized how serious he was, you broke up with him. After what happened with Jon—”

“This isn’t abouthim.” My snappy tone makes her look doubtful. Shoulders drooping a fraction, I sit back in my chair. “David was great, but I’ve never considered settling down before becoming a mom. Hell, I never thought I’d be a mother. I know thesmartthing to do is to get serious with somebody that I know is worthy of my daughter’s and my time.”

“But?” she guesses.

“But,” I reply, “I haven’t gone out with anybody that I want to introduce to Maia and be with for the rest of my life. Forever is scary.”

Emily frowns sympathetically. “Babe, you already have three guys who adore you and Maia that you can trust. They live with you. Including Finn, who knows the secret that comes with you and my adorable goddaughter. So, what is holding you back?”

Can’t it be as simple as not wanting to be with him? You can love people in so many different ways, and I love Finn in a platonic one. I’ve tried thinking about us together since he brought it up, but nothing about the scenarios I come up with feel like they’d last. We’d be stable financially, but emotionally?

I want to be with somebody who will offer every layer of love to my daughter’s life so she knows never to settle for less.

“Look,” Emily says. “I’m going to give you my opinion even though you haven’t asked for it. I think you should give Finn a chance. I’m not saying that because I always thought he was hot—don’t tell Hector I said that—but because he’s a genuinelygoodguy. He knows who Maia’s father is. He’s good with herandyou. He has a great job, a nice roof over his head, and you two are friends. Who says one date would harm that?”

She’s never struggled with finding genuine men. Hector was only the second guy she ever dated seriously, and they’re married now. I wouldn’t expect her to understand my dilemma. “We’re roommates, and I’m not attracted to him like that. It would harm everything we’ve built in the past two years. Maia and I wouldn’t be able to stay there if it didn’t work out. I’m not disputing any of your points, I just want you to see it through my eyes. It’s a complicated situation.”

She’s quiet for a second, contemplative. I can tell she hears where I’m coming from. But I also know the chance of her backing down from her opinion isn’t likely. We went to high school together, were in the same sorority while I was still enrolled in college, and saw one another do a lot of crazy stuff.

My best friend may have had a wild side at one point, but she’s always wanted to settle down with a husband and kids. She’s a hopeless romantic who believes in fate and butterflies and happily ever after, like in fairy tales. It’s always where we’ve been the most different.

I wouldn’t say I’m completely cynical about true love, but I don’t believe sparks fly the second you meet “the one” or if that even exists. On a planet populated with over seven billion people, it seems highly unlikely there’s one singular person out there for me.

When Emily speaks again, there’s somberness in her tone. “I get that it can be scary, but what’s even scarier is how easily you give yourself to people like Plane Guy. When was the last time you went on a serious date? One that led to a second where sex wasn’t the endgame?”

She knows I’ve been in a dry spell because I’ve complained about it at least ten times in the last two months. It never used to be difficult to find a guy, strip each other down, and have a night of fun. But this year has felt… different. Like I need to try better, harder. I know it has a lot to do with Maia getting bigger and starting to understand things better than she used to. Bringing random people around her isn’t what I want, especially if she can start forming her own opinions about it.

Out of everybody in my life, her opinion is the only one that matters to me. I need her unconditional love more than I need air. It’s how I survive day to day.

“It’s been a while,” I admit quietly, staring down at my lap.

“I want you to be happy, babe. You’re so deserving of it even when you think you’re not. That asshole doesn’t deserve to take anything away from you, and I’m mad that my wedding had a part of you two meeting in the first place.”

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