Page 39 of Girl Going Nowhere

At his and his roommate’s expense.

“Never been better, brother.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Blake

Maia bounces onthe carpet, clapping her hands and pointing toward the book for the millionth time. “It’s already past your bedtime,” I tell her, feeling exhaustion weigh down every limb.

“Again!” my stubborn mini-me says anyway.

We’ve readBook of Colorsso many times tonight that I’m going to have nightmares of a yellow sun with a face like that creepy one in theTeletubbies.That show haunted me as a child, like the one in this stupid book is bound to.

Setting the book onto the dresser, I lift my squirming toddler and put her to bed. “We can read it again tomorrow, but you need to go to sleep. You’ve got a play date with Lucas in the morning that you need to be rested for. Grandma is taking you while Mommy works.”

Maia’s lip quivers, and the dark eyes she gets from her dad glaze with the threat of tears. If she does, I don’t think I can handle it.

“Please don’t cry,” I beg, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. “When I pick you up, we’ll read all about the blue skies and the green grass and even go to the park to see how many of the colors we can find. Okay?”

Swiping the back of her hand over her eyes, she sniffles back tears and lets me lay her down. As soon as I tuck her under her favorite blanket, she looks up at me with a tiny smile.

I let out a relieved sigh. “There’s my baby girl,” I praise, tweaking her nose until she giggles. “I love you, Maia.”

By the grace of God, her eyelids get heavier with each passing second. “Love you, Mama.”

I’ve learned to wait a few minutes after she goes down to sneak out or else she stirs and makes me go through the entire process all over again.

It isn’t until I’m creeping out of her room that I hear, “There you are.”

Shoulders sagging, I look over my shoulder at Brodie. “I’m not in the mood for whatever you have planned for the night,” I warn him.

I’m ashamed to admit that I’m ten seconds away from crying. I can feel the floodgates weakening as my roommate stares at me with concerned eyes. There’s nothing worse than people seeing you vulnerable.

Then he asks the question that makes it ten times worse. “What’s wrong?”

Nostrils flaring as I fight back tears, I hiccup and shake my head. How could I get him to understand that I’m tired? Not just the normal kind, but the defeated type? It was a long day at work with difficult clients; Trevor was harassing me, Maia was extra fussy the second I picked her up from daycare, and my mother has been hounding me about a million different things that have no prevalence in my life.

I hear Brodie follow me as I walk past him to my room. There’s no way I want Maia to wake up hearing me cry about how exhausting it is being a mother. Because I love her. So much. But days like today, I wish it was easier to balance it all.

Brodie closes my door behind him and walks over to where I’m standing in the middle of my tiny bedroom. “Talk to me, Blake.”

Instead of doing that, I start crying big fat ugly tears. If I could see past the blurriness, I’d probably find a horrified expression on Brodie’s face. But instead of being awkward, he pulls me into his arms and rests my cheek against his shoulder, not caring that I’m soaking his T-shirt.

“I’m so t-tired,” I stutter, wrapping my arms around him and sinking into him as he strokes his fingers through my hair. “I’m tired and I’m f-frustrated. And I have no r-reason to be.”

Brodie’s hand pauses in my hair. “You’re human, Blake. You’re a single mom doing her best to raise a little girl. That’s plenty reason.”

Sniffing back tears, I squeeze his waist. “I’m so afraid of failing her.”

He continues brushing my hair, resting his chin on top of my head. “Nah, you couldn’t do that. Look at how hard you’re working to give her a good life. That alone says she’s in capable hands.”

Why is he being so nice to me? Pulling away, I use my wrists to wipe my eyes. “I self-destruct and put myself into positions I shouldn’t to stop feeling for a while.”

We both know what I’m referring to based on the way he slowly nods. “None of us in this apartment are perfect. Trust me. We all do shit we probably shouldn’t, including with each other.”

Guilt droops my shoulders.

Brodie tilts my chin up to meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to feel bad about anything. You’re an amazing woman and mother. Nobody can say differently when they see how Maia looks at you. It’s okay to be tired and angry. Pretending like you’re fine is only going to make it worse the longer you bottle up your frustration. Then where would you be?”

---