Page 9 of Wanted You More

All he does is lift his shoulders.

Huffing, I drop the knife onto the board and grab my keys. Pulling out a twenty from my purse, I toss it onto the counter. “Then you don’t know anything, Wolfe. Get a pizza from Nino’s over on Riverside. They run a special on weekends, so you can get it cheaper than the place you like on the west end. Don’t forget to tip the delivery person.”

He starts to call after me when I walk away, so I raise my hand and give him the middle finger before slamming the front door behind me.

Even if he doesn’t always mean it, my brother can be just as much of an asshole as I can be. It must run in the family.

***

There are ahandful of cars parked around the Cape Cod style home when I pull up to the property I’ve been to a few times. The lights are on in most of the rooms on the first floor, but I can tell the backyard is where most of the guests are because I can see the glow of the string lights Ben’s wife, Elizabeth, has decorated the deck with.

As soon as I step up to the back gate that leads into the backyard, I pause when a ball of panic settles into my chest. I’ve never been a social butterfly. Being around a lot of people usually ends in me having a breakdown, so I hope tonight isn’t a repeat of that.

I think back to what my therapist used to tell me when I was forced to go.Look at your escape routes and breathe.

The gate is my quickest option out.

There’s a sliding door off the kitchen of the Kingsley’s that would slow me down because it sticks sometimes. Ben said he would get it fixed, but he was always too busy to remember to contact anybody about it.

I’m standing off to the side, trying to pump myself up to go inside, when I jump at the sound of a voice saying, “You going to stay out here all night or go in?”

Instantly, I know that low voice that’s been trained to sound firm yet calm in any given situation. I turn toward the older man standing behind me and straighten nervously. “I was just…”

His head dips down. “Checking your surroundings,” he finishes for me. Even in seventy-degree weather, he’s wearing his typical plaid button-down and blue jeans, just like Noah wears. Besides his police uniform, this is the only other way I am used to seeing him. “We got a selection of cold cut sandwiches to choose from. Lizzie made sure to get a few veggie options for you. There are also fruit, chips, and salads to pick from. Noah said you like picking at that stuff.”

I know if I hadn’t been invited, they would have barbecued tonight. Noah told me once that his father is a master at the grill. Ben wouldn’t have risked doing that even if I told him I wasn’t coming because I’ve always been a wild card.

“He did, huh?” I murmur, rubbing my arm and wondering what else his son told him about me. The only reason Noah knows what I like snacking on is because he’s picked me up high before. I’m not sure if he told Ben that part.

Ben gestures toward the backyard. “Let’s head in. It’s not a very big get together. Fifteen people maybe. And if you need space, you know you’re more than welcome inside.”

Cheeks heating, I swipe my clammy palms down the front of my thighs. I opted for leggings and a light sweater because the temperature always gets chillier after the sun goes down. Now I’m feeling overheated, and if they have the firepit going, I know I’ll be sweating out of my shirt in no time.

I follow close behind him as he opens the gate and gestures for me to go first. It takes me two seconds to stand a little taller and put on the tough-girl mask I wear around my friends and family. Here, it’s different. I know some of these people know me and my past. Ben, Elizabeth, and Noah all know my demons, and they always watch me like I could shatter at any given second.

I see Elizabeth first when we join the small gathering of people scattered around the backyard. She steps away from the table full of food and opens her arms for me like she always does when we see each other.

“We’re so glad you could make it,” she tells me, wrapping her long arms around me. There’s always a lightness to her touch that makes me melt into her hold. Maybe it’s because I miss my own mother’s hugs.

Stepping back, I try hiding the pain shooting through my arm. “Thank you for inviting me. My dad and brother had other plans or else they would have come too.”

We both know it’s a lie, but she smiles and guides me to the food. “Well, maybe next time. Feel free to make yourself a plate. There are things to make BLTs or veggie lovers’ subs, and I got some Cheetos because Noah said those are your favorite.”

Right on cue, an arm hooks around me playfully, and the hair I spent thirty minutes straightening is ruffled by a big hand. “Yeah, she loves her Cheetos. Right, Boots?”

The last time he picked me up after I finished smoking with Marybelle, I begged him to stop at the Kwik Fill to buy spicy Cheetos. Despite him telling me he wouldn’t be stopping for anything, he did. And one bag full of late-night snacks later, we were back on the road getting Cheeto dust all over the seats of his expensive pickup that he spent way too much money on.

Swatting his arm away from me, I glare at him and try fixing my hair. “Knock it off, you lummox.”

His mom laughs at us. “Well, I’ll leave you two to it. I’ve got a few other guests to greet. Austen, enjoy yourself. If you need anything, let one of us know. Okay?”

I nod and watch as she puts her host face back on as she walks away.

Turning away from Noah, I grab a paper plate and start making my sub. “I’m surprised there aren’t more people here.”

Noah is quiet for a few seconds as he starts making his own dinner. Then, admits, “He wanted to keep things small tonight.”

To make you comfortable, is what he doesn’t tell me. It’s the unspoken truth between us. He didn’t barbecue and didn’t invite many people because he wanted to make sure I’d be okay at his own party.

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