Page 16 of Wanted You More

The truck slows at a red light. “What’s with all the questions?” When I don’t answer, he drapes his wrist over the top of the steering wheel and shakes his head. “Her name is Bailey, and we’ve been on a couple dates.”

A couple.Despite him not wanting to talk about it, I still pry because I had no idea there was any other girl besides me in his life. “What were your plans today?”

He scrubs a hand down his jaw before turning when the light turns. “Austen…”

“What? I’m making conversation.” I notice a tiny tic to his jaw that has my brows pinching with confusion. “Sorry. I guess I’m not allowed to know anything about you since we’re not friends or anything.”

The noise that comes from himalmosthas me bringing my attention up from my yogurt. I hold strong, spooning some of my food out and ignoring the little sprinkles that fall onto my lap and his seat.

“You’re upset about that still?” he asks, humor thick in his tone. “I figured that’s why you ignored the call from Dad and my texts, but I thought you’d be over it by now.”

His dad had called me the day after his retirement party. I didn’t listen to his voicemail because I felt bad for ignoring him. When he didn’t hear back, Noah texted me to see if I was okay. Then he texted me again when I hadn’t replied, asking to call his dad back.

I’d given them both the silent treatment.

Until today.

Blowing out a raspberry with my lips, I stick the pink plastic spoon into the yogurt and set it down. “It’s hard to get over something like that. You say I have friends, but I haveone. Marybelle.” He rolls his eyes at her name like he always does. “See! The one friend I have nobody seems to like. I thought you were my friend too until you told me being friends with me was weird. That hurt my feelings, Noah.”

We get stuck behind a long line of traffic, making him slow down behind a tiny Prius. It makes the tension in the truck a lot more awkward, since he’s not saying anything.

The same hand that was draped over the top of the steering wheel slides down the side before gripping it with white knuckles. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

I know he wouldn’t do that intentionally, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still upset. Mom always said I know how to hold a grudge.

Going back to my yogurt to keep my hands busy, I pick out some of the gummies and take my time nibbling on them. Subconsciously, I chose some of these toppings for him because he’s always had a sweet tooth—especially these nasty sour gummy worms. I know that if I opened the glove box, he’d have at least one bag of candy inside.

Eventually, I say, “I know you didn’t. But would it be so bad?”

He finally looks at me. “What?”

I pick out a gummy worm and pass it to him as a peace offering. “Being my friend. You aren’t much older than me, so it shouldn’t be a big deal if people see us around each other. You’re the only one making it weird.”

Noah takes the candy and bites into it, chewing slowly before saying, “It’s more for your benefit, you know. Our families have a history that’s pretty dark. Dad cares about you. He sees you as a daughter, and I know you see him as a father figure.”

Even though I do, I feel the need to point out, “I already have a dad.”

It’s not for my benefit, but for Dad’s. We’ve lost enough. I know for a fact he struggles with my relationship with Ben, so the last thing he needs is to feel like he lost his daughter to the eldest Kingsley too.

Noah looks sympathetic. “I know that. I’m not trying to diminish the relationship between you two. All I’m trying to point out is that you and my dad have a bond that’s formed by trauma. Those can be difficult to handle as time goes on. Being around us all the time may make it hard for you to move forward with your life, because we’ll always serve as a reminder. Who knows what could happen, especially since you stopped seeing a therapist.”

Is he kidding me? “Do you think me distancing myself from your family will magically make me forget about that day? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You’re taking this the wrong way,” he says indignantly.

I yank down the collar of my shirt to show him the physical reminder I have. “In case you’ve forgotten, I get to see this every single day I get up. I’ve got the pain from the bullet tearing through my body. I get to relive the memories of somebodybleeding outon top of me every time I close my eyes. And let’s not forget that my mother is dead because two teenage boys decided they hated the world so much they were going to fuck up everybody else’s lives so we could suffer as much as they were.” Letting go of my shirt once he glances at the scar there, I lean back against the seat and turn my eyes toward the window. “There are a lot of things that serve as a reminder of that horrible fucking day, Noah. Your father isn’t one of them. If you take that away from me…”

The words get stuck in my throat, cramming inside my windpipe until I force myself to swallow them down. Benjamin Kingsley is the reason I didn’t bleed out, along with Elmer West, the old mailman who shielded me from those teenage boys who opened fire on innocent people.

He died, and I lived.

My mother died shielding Wolfe, and my brother and I lived.

Eleven other people died, butIlived.

“Austen,” Noah says softly, both hands tight around the wheel now. “I’m not trying to take anything away from you. Regardless of what you think, I care about you too.”

This time, I don’t believe him.

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