Page 59 of Wanted You More

He chose a white set with colorful cacti all over it because he said it matched my “prickly” personality. Dad laughed at the sarcasm. It came with fuzzy green and pink pillows, and Wolfe surprised me with a stuffed cactus with a creepy smile that he found at Target when he and Dad had gone out.

The boy in question helps Dad set up the mini fridge in one of the only free spaces available for it. “Are you sure you don’t want us to move anything? You probably don’t have to keep the furniture like this,” Wolfe says, frowning at the layout. He’s always been particular about where things go. I used to tease him about it until I realized how much it bothered him, so I let him do his thing. Even when he’d go into my room and move stuff around.

Although, it didn’t take him long to stop when he found some condoms I had stashed in random places.

I study the small space that will take some getting used to. “There’s nothing wrong with it. If my roommate wants to do something different, we can.”

My roomie, Kennedy Beck, is another freshman. The building we’ve been put in is designated for all incoming students new to the college—freshmen and transfers. Apparently, there’s a program that helps people transition into the new environment. We got an hour lecture on what that includes and how important it is to attend at least a few activities to meet other students in the building.

I don’t know anything about Kennedy besides her age. We haven’t spoken even though we were provided each other’s school emails. I’m not sure when she’s supposed to get here.

Dad slides his hands into his pockets. “I think that’s it. Do you need us to get you food? Or a fan? I saw someone carry a fan in and we never bought one. It might get hot in here. And I didn’t think about curtains. It’ll look so much better with curtains over the shade—”

“Dad,” I cut him off, laughing. “I’ll be fine. I’ve got my car if I need to get anything. It’s not like I’m stranded in the middle of some random place I’ve never been before.”

He looks a little defeated as his shoulders drop a fraction, and that’s when I realize he wants to spend more time with me.

I know he’s been upset with me for not reaching out to Britta Clayton and the other families who were raising money for Everytown—an organization that raises awareness about gun violence. I’ve heard of them because those sorts of organizations are always brought up in the news whenever something about the shooting is.

Despite my lack of interest in the marathon or people involved, Dad didn’t make a fuss about me missing it. He told me it was my choice, and he stuck to his word.

Wetting my lips, I glance at my brother before turning back to Dad. “If you have time, I could use some food. Maybe Denny’s to get pancakes?”

Wolfe’s eyes light up, making my lips twitch upward.

Dad shifts from one foot to another. “If you want to…”

I roll my eyes. “We both know I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t. They brought their Oreo pancakes back for a limited time. I saw the sign out front. I’d be sad if I missed it.”

That seems to appease whatever holds Dad back. His lips curl into a soft smile before he reaches out and pulls me into his side. “Let’s go get you those pancakes then. And if you decide you need anything else while we’re out, let me know.”

Wolfe gives me a look that says,Think of something.

No matter how much trouble I’ve gotten into or how little I participate in things that probably mean something to my family, it’s never made Dad love me any less. He’s stressed, concerned, and gotten irritated, but only because he wants me safe.

Now he won’t be around anymore to see if I’m okay.

Today is hard for him.

Harder for him than me, I think.

So, the three of us go out and spend the rest of the afternoon eating our last lunch together until our first school break. We talk. We laugh. We share random little memories that seemed so small before. Then we go to the store, buy a fan I don’t need, food and drinks I don’t need, but stuff that makes Dad smile.

A real, genuine smile.

And when he drops me off at my dorm, I stand by the curb and wave at him and Wolfe, who both watch me with two very different expressions on their faces.

Even though I’ll see Dad soon enough, he looks like he’s losing me.

Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I call out, “I love you.”

Wolfe smiles.

Dad’s smile wavers as he attempts to collect himself. “I love you too, baby girl. We’ll talk soon.”

There’s a crack to his tone that I try not to let sink in too deeply, but it’s hard not to when I come to terms with everything we’ve gone through together over the years.

He almost lost me when I was eight.

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