Page 51 of Reckless Desire

“But I forgot my blankie there. I think it’s lost. Mommy gave it to me to protect me. To remember her.”

I’ve noticed she has a small silk handkerchief she’ll ball up in her palms during class. I thought it was just a fidget device. It’s so much more for her. “It will wait for you there.”

“What if I lost it? I can’t sleep without it. What if it’s gone? Mommy can’t give me another one.” Her lips tremble.

I stroke her hair. “I’ll go look for it, okay? I’m sure it will turn up.”

She sighs, her shoulders relaxing. I lost the child—I can at least retrieve her blankie. Especially since it’s her coping tool.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Lowe. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she whispers, and my chest constricts.

I’m a teacher. Of course, I like children. But this little girl is growing on me with her raw honesty and maturity beyond her years. A survival mechanism in a world without a mother, a strength she shouldn’t have needed this early in life.

“I know, Caroline. Next time you want to visit a playground to remember your mom, tell your dad or your granny.”

She turns to me, frowning. “I’ve been telling him, but he never has time.”

Empathy swamps me and I want to wrap her in it. Part of me wants to blame Hunter for limiting his time with her, but I know he’s gone above and beyond for this little girl.

“Your dad is very busy.” I wish there was an easy way to explain without sounding like I’m making excuses for him. “He cares about you a lot, but sometimes you need to be patient.”

Squinting, she nods, assessing the merit of my words. “I miss my Mommy and I don’t want to forget her.”

Her words punch me in the stomach and push a large lump up my throat. I thought I was a master of grief, but Jeremy left my life with a bitter aftertaste. This little girl is forced to grow up without the most important person in her life. We can all offer compassion to her constantly, but we’ll never fully understand her struggle.

“You’ll never forget your mom. You might not clearly see her face or hear her voice, but she is the most important treasure in your heart, and your heart knows how to guard that treasure.”

She snuggles against me. I look up and jump a little when I find Hunter standing closer than I expected. How long has he been observing us?

His eyes are stormy as he scans me. Heat builds up in my cheeks, but it’s nothing compared to the flames licking at my core. His gaze is both promise and threat. I’m not sure if he is angry or aroused. Something that feels like a mixture of lust and fear crawls up my spine.

A computer keyboard rattles somewhere, footsteps shuffle around. Activity is happening in the background, but all my senses are fixed on the man standing in front of me.

The thunderous energy he emanates swallows me, eating away at my resolution to resist him. He furrows his brow, his hooded eyes aiming with precision. He’s about to pounce. I’m sure of that. The question is if he leaps to kill or to thrill.

ChapterSeventeen

Hunter

Sydney’s voice, soft and soothing, drips over me like honey as she reads the bedtime story. From the doorway I see Caro fighting sleep, her eyes drooping. The picture tugs at my heart.

I’ve never brought a woman to our home before. All my relationships since Julia got sick were either professional or too casual. And the few dates—hook-ups really—I’ve had since becoming a full-time dad never got far enough to even contemplate Caro’s introduction.

The picture in front of me feels natural.

Sydney found the blankie, but got held up dealing with school paperwork in the aftermath of Caro’s disappearance. By the time she came over we were getting ready for dinner, and Caroline insisted Mrs. Lowe join us. And in her charmingly manipulative way, somehow tasked Sydney with a bedtime story as well.

Not that I mind. I’m not even sure why I’m standing here watching them, because what I really need is a glass of whiskey. Or two. The nervous energy continues buzzing through my bloodstream and I need to release it badly, but I can’t leave Caro here and go to the gym.

I feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin though. There is no way I’ll be able to fall asleep tonight. I haven’t even checked Ash’s voice mails or texts because I can’t deal with that shit now. Although having bolted from the meeting this afternoon, I should at least send an explanation to Delaney.

When Sydney closes the book and kisses Caro’s forehead, my heart pulses faster, spreading even more honey through my system. Life is so fucking unfair. What doIhave to give to this little girl? I can never replace her loss.

I couldn’t even take her to a fucking playground. Drumming my fingers on my thighs, I fight the nervous energy that creeps up a notch, mocking me with its ugly snarl. Failure. That’s what I am.

I push off the door frame as Sydney passes through, then I close the door gently. Without thinking, I channel the built-up tension into inappropriate action. I spin Sydney around and push her against the wall. She utters a soft gasp as I raise her hands above her head and capture her mouth.

She stiffens beneath me at first, but then she welcomes my invasion. This kiss is not a soft discovery like our first one, years ago. It’s punishing and desperate, swirling with all the worry, desperation and helplessness of the past hours.

---