Page 94 of Reckless Desire

Another day consumed by this agonizing ache inside me. Every night I promise myself that tomorrow will be better. That I’ll make an effort and start functioning like an adult, but I don’t.

I shouldn’t have taken time off work. Work would have given me purpose and eventually I would have gotten better. But I couldn’t face Caro every day without thinking about Hunter. Not that staying away from the school has helped with that particular predicament.

I didn’t even know one person could hoard all my thoughts. He robbed me of my heart, my ability to trust, my newly-discovered joy.

But I lived through a similar experience once. The thing about broken people is that we know we’ll survive. It might take time, but I will survive. Staying away from Hunter might hurt like hell right now, but staying with him is much scarier. I can’t linger in the place that keeps me vigilant and worry that he’ll go behind my back again.

I will survive this and move on.

The only problem with my theory is that with every day away from him, things don’t improve. They don’t even stay the same. I could deal with that. Instead, I feel worse every morning. It’s exhausting.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

I bolt out of my bed, my hands in front of my face in a combative stance.

Lo raises an eyebrow. “You need to brush up on your self-defense skills, Syd. Do you want coffee or wine? We’re out of vodka, but I can get my assistant to bring us breakfast and more booze.” She takes two cups from my cupboard.

Jesus. I forgot London was here. “Did you stay the night?” I can’t picture London curled up on my couch. On anyone’s couch.

“Apparently.” She scratches her head. Her hair is all tousled and she is wearing my T-shirt. “Your couch was designed by a villain determined to eliminate the world’s population by spreading soreness. I need to book a massage.”

I plop onto said sofa. London hands me the mug and sits on my bed, cross-legged.

She purses her lips as if deciding something and then opens her mouth. I wish she wouldn’t.

“Okay, I gave you love and support yesterday, alcohol-induced reset last night, and now it’s time for tough love. You’re being stupid. That man with his little girl—and I don’t even like children—is the best thing that has happened to you for a while. Or in your life. He loves you, and you love him.”

Her factual tone is annoying. Her fucking truth is annoying. Painful. Mean. Tears pool in my eyes.

“Arguably, my experience in that department is minimal, but I’ve observed the two of you together, and I’d bet a significant amount of money on the fact he’s it for you. Don’t be stupid, Syd. Not all of us get the luxury of spending life with someone we love.” She looks away, blinking, and I’m shocked to see my sister emotional.

It’s not my plight that moved her, but rather her lost love, but still her words hit hard in my heart, cracking at my determination to protect myself.

My phone chimes and I look for it because it’s something to do and I need to break the moment Lo has built. She harrumphs and climbs off my bed, gathering her clothes.

Lara: You should come. Ravinski is trying to get Caroline expelled. They have a meeting in an hour.

I call Lara right back, but she has no more information. I sit and stare at the white wall of my pathetic apartment, my mind idling. London comes out of my bathroom, dressed.

“What’s going on?” She frowns.

“Dan is trying to expel Caro from school.” I say the words slowly, letting them settle into some sort of comprehension.

“On what grounds?” Lo shakes her head and snorts dismissively. “He can’t do that.”

“I need to get there.” I stand up and open a drawer, trying to find clothes. Shit, what do I wear? I’ve been in my leggings and T-shirt for two weeks now. At least London forced me to shower yesterday.

“Isn’t this against yourI need to forget themgoal?” She leans against my counter, smirking.

“Fuck you.” I jump on one leg, trying to put my jeans on. “Can I use your car?”

“I sent the driver home last night. By the time he comes back and drives you all the way to Manhattan, you might be better off taking a cab or a train.”

“Okay.” I grab my keys and my purse. “Let’s go. How are you going to get back to town?” The idea of London on a subway is as preposterous as her sleeping on my couch. So I guess anything is possible.

“I’ll have my boyfriend pick me up.” She shrugs.

“You don’t have a boyfriend.” I lock the door behind us and rush down the stairs.

---