Page 93 of Reckless Desire

I kiss the crown of her head and turn toward Caro’s room.

“Hunter.” Mom stops me. “Are things with Sydney fixable?”

I shudder and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I really hope so, Mom.”

Caro’s lying on her bed, her hands behind her head. She is never this still and my stomach tightens. I drop beside her and she tucks her head in the hollow of my shoulder.

“Talk to me, kiddo.” Because I have no idea what to say.

“Ruby’s mom said you’re disreputable and she doesn’t want Ruby to have playdates with me anymore.” She sighs with the weight of her entire existence in that breath. I should be the one fixing things for her, improving her life, not screwing it up even more.

Fuck. How to explain this. If Sydney was here, she would know what to say.

“Dad, what does disreputable mean?” Caro tilts her head, looking at me.

“It means something people consider not right. I used to have a job that many people think wasn’t proper, not a good thing to do. I had to do it because I needed money and it paid well. Everyone has found out now and they think less of me. I’m sorry Ruby’s mom doesn’t want you to play with her anymore. I’ve never wanted you to deal with this, Caro.”

“Did you like the job?” She snuggles back into the crook of my shoulder, her small hand over my hammering heart.

Out of all the questions she could have asked. “It was okay, I guess.”

“Sydney says it’s important to love what you do. So I guess if you liked it, I don’t care what others think. Ruby likes that we can be secret friends anyway.” She scoots closer, half hugging me with her short arm.

“I didn’t love the job, Caro, but it was the only way I could get the money we needed, so I did it anyway. I love my job now, though.”

“That’s good.” There’s sadness in her voice and I hate that I’ve caused it.

“Is there something else you want to ask, Caro? I like when we talk about things.” I need her to understand as much as possible, so the assholes in school don’t blindside her.

She lets out another heavy sigh and I want to punch the wall. She hasn’t sighed with such gravity since Julie.

“Is Sydney going to die like Mommy?” She raises her head, her huge eyes full of concern.

I sit up and pull her into my lap. “Caro, sweetheart, no, she won’t. How did you… Why do you think that?”

“She canceled the skating and hasn’t been around, and they told us at school she is sick. Mommy had to cancel things all the time and went away to the hospital for a long time and…” Her lips tremble.

“No, Caro, Sydney is fine.” Ignoring the topic and not talking to Caro about Sydney’s absence has caused too much fear and pain. “We’re both a little heartbroken right now. I wanted to surprise her with something, but she didn’t like the surprise and she’s mad at me.”

Caro jerks away from me, the bed bouncing as she pushes to her knees, her hands on her hips. “What kind of surprise? Why would you upset her? Did you cook her Indian food? She doesn’t like Indian, Dad. You have to apologize.”

I chuckle at her enthusiasm. I fucking wish I had cooked Indian. That would have been easier. “I will do that, Caro. I’ll go tomorrow after I drop you at school.”

“But get flowers and chocolates.” She jumps off the bed. “I’m going to make a special edition of my magazine to show her how amazing she is.” She looks at me, all practical. “You know, in case you screw up the apology.”

“May I help with the magazine?” That seems like a better plan for the evening than sulking alone in my bedroom.

“Find pictures on your phone, and let’s see what we have to work with.”

Today beat the hell out me, but Caro’s innocent belief that we can win Sydney over flows over me with an abandon only my daughter can spread.

ChapterThirty-One

Sydney

The spider in the corner hasn’t moved in hours. It’s certainly stayed in the same spot it was in last night. And the day before probably. The morning sun breaks in with laser-like beams, rendering the web’s thread prismatic. Perhaps it hasn’t moved for longer.

I’ve been watching the spider from my place in bed for long enough to know, but I don’t know. I know little lately. I hate that it’s morning. I hate that I have to face another day.

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