Page 6 of Reckless Desire

We find the ice cream truck in a park and of course, the sucker I am, she gets three scoops. On a bench she licks diligently, while getting most of her ice cream all over her wrists and skirt.

“What are we doing after this?” She swings her legs, the ball of energy that she is. I think ice cream time is the only time she is reasonably motionless.

“Remember, I have to work. Granny will stay with you.” I lean in to kiss the top of her head.

“Where is Mommy?” She looks up at me and I exhale, trying to be as casual as possible. I don’t want her to pick up on my emotions. She deserves a carefree and happy childhood. As much as possible in our situation.

“She needed medicine again, so you’re having a sleepover with Granny, but tomorrow you need to help Mom when she is back.” She nods solemnly, understanding the responsibility she shouldn’t even know about at this age.

“Okay,” she says and returns to her ice cream.

Two boys kick the ball and a toddler trots around while his mother follows him. A couple is enjoying double scoops on a bench beside us. In the middle of a city that pulses with activity and chaos, time, noise and reality cease to exist here. This peaceful patch of grass in the middle of a concrete jungle seems unaffected.

But it’s these moments, these snapshots of normal in our lives, that piss me off the most. Without hesitation, I would give all my organs to provide more ordinary moments for Caro and her mom, but I can’t. I’m helpless. Powerless. Useless.

Fucking cancer.

“Nico pulled my hair today.” Caro’s ability to switch into another topic is something I wish I could learn from her.

“He certainly shouldn’t have done that, but perhaps he likes you, sweetheart.” I chuckle, not really sure how to handle this. With Caro in my life, I find myself helpless too fucking often.

“He should kiss me then.” She looks at me for confirmation and fuck, I don’t know what to say. Where does she get this shit from?

“Well,” I say with a shrug, “sometimes we men don’t know how to show someone we like them.”

“I’ll ask him to kiss me tomorrow.” She stretches her hands in front of her, done with the ice cream.

I won’t comment on the kissing. Let Mrs. Eliza deal with that. Part of me hopes the little fucker will kiss her because she doesn’t need more heartbreak in her life. A much bigger part prays she won’t be kissed for at least another twenty years. Even thirty. Shit. Can she stay a baby girl forever?

I wipe her palms and wrists. And elbows. Then I try to salvage the skirt and her T-shirt before I glance at my watch. Fuck.

“Caro, I’m late. We really need to go now. Can I carry you?”

She is very adamant about walking by herself, her need for independence a cause for admiration and disdain, but luckily she agrees, so we make it to the subway and across the river quickly.

We get to my building and Mom opens the door before I find my keys, already waiting for us.

“Granny!” Caro hugs Mom’s leg.

“Oh, here is my favorite girl. I baked cookies. Go wash your hands.”

“I have to shower and get changed.” I give Mom a quick peck and move past her.

In my bedroom, I lay my suit on the bed. I check my watch again. No shaving tonight. A quick shower and off I go.

Caro sits on the floor in front of the TV, her hands already stained with chocolate.

“Mom, she’s just had ice cream,” I call before I enter the bathroom.

The kid is spoiled thanks to our efforts to overcompensate for her not having a normal family. I need to stop the regular ice cream runs with her. I chuckle inwardly, picturing her facial expression if I suggested a fruit cup. God, that girl has us all wrapped around her finger.

After the fastest shower in history, I rush to get dressed and am struggling with my tie when my phone rings.

“Hey, my friend,” Ash greets me, sounding too nonchalant considering I just fucking saw him. He’d better not have set us up on a double date.

“What do you need, asshole? I’m in a hurry.” I balance my phone between my shoulder and my ear, trying to fix the knot.

“You should have stayed. Those two are fun. We agreed to go out next week. I promised you’d join us.”

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