Page 29 of Reckless Desire

A little girl giggles behind us and I turn, breaking the moment. The tension. The fragile hope.

A man has her over his shoulder and they bounce around, laughing. I want to be that carefree. But I’m not.

I turn back to Dan. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we want the same thing from this relationship.”

He frowns and blinks a few times. “What are you saying?”

I don’t even know what I’m saying. A war wages inside me. The comfort of Dan against the fear of loneliness. But I can’t draw my happiness from another person. It’s not like Dan has even made me happy. He just… He was around. Available. I took advantage of it, so I didn’t have to stare at the ceiling every night, alone.

I took advantage, but I also really believed we were on the same page. “I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

He opens his mouth, but I raise my hand to stop him. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” A ridiculous statement in light of not wanting to see him anymore.

I turn and leave Dan and my Reuben sandwich behind, a sole tear keeping me company, mostly sad I let things progress this far.

* * *

“I thought you didn’t want to celebrate the fucking beginning of the school year.” Lo slides into the booth at a cocktail bar near her condo. I’ve been sitting here for an hour nursing a drink as I waited for her.

After I got back home, the walls started closing in on me. Or my thoughts did. I don’t want to think about Hunter. I want to rewind back to my simple life when Hunter was the asshole I hadn’t seen since our date.

London looks me up and down and raises her eyebrows. “That bad. Are those girls mean to you?”

I snort. That’s another thing Hunter and Dan took from me today. The first day was actually fantastic, but I didn’t get a chance to absorb and enjoy that.

“One of my students is Hunter’s daughter. And Dan is my new boss. He also asked me to move in with him and we broke up.” I wave at the server.

London slouches deeper into the beige leather bench like she’s at home watching a boring movie. In her white button-down and jeans, she looks like a model.

“Who is Hunter?” She cocks her head.

If I hadn’t finished my cocktail while waiting for her, I’d hurl it into her face right now. Geez, ending a stressful day with a dose of aggression. “The man I’ve tried not to think about for the past three years.”

London sighs. “Fuck. I was really hoping it was a different Hunter.”

The server comes over and Lo orders us six drinks.

“Is someone joining us?” I frown.

“No, but this place will be packed in half an hour and it’d take ages to order.”

I shake my head. “It’s a school night.”

“You’re welcome.” She grins, adjusts her top and scans the long bar lining the wall across from us. I know that predator look, so I wait. She scrunches her nose and shrugs before she returns her attention to me.

“What am I going to do? I can’t see him every freaking day and pretend he didn’t rip my heart out.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You spent one night with him.” She swats her hand in my direction. “Sanssex,” she deadpans.

No one really understands this. I can’t understand it. Why has a man I barely know left such an impression? One innocent night that remains the best, most intimate experience of my life.

His lips left a permanent memento tattooed on my mouth and my brain. He lied to me, he pretended the whole time, and yet my skin tingled the minute I saw him today.

Even if I somehow figured out how to avoid him, seeing his little daughter every day will be a constant reminder of a man I can’t have. What? A man I don’twantto have.

“Maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe the universe sent him back to you, so you can explore your chances.”

Our drinks arrive. Thank God.

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