Page 87 of Give Me What I Want

I pulled away from Cole to look up to him, sitting on the top step, arms slung over his knees, head dipped, gaze not meeting mine.

“Are you sure?” he repeated, louder this time. His shoulders bunched and his knees started to bounce.

“I’m sure,” Ro snapped, slamming the door and making me flinch. “I’m not blind.”

“Ro, he didn’t mean it like that,” Cole said, then glanced up at Mav. “Did you, dude?”

Mav raised his head, looking past me with his brows low. “I know that you’re not blind, Ronan. But sometimes I wonder if you’re capable of seeing with more than just your eyes. Jordan hurt us, and because of that, I couldn’t even look at him. I’m angry, but I’m also scared, because that man who you threatened, the man we all threw to the curb, is a ghost to me now, and I don’t want to see any more ghosts. I don’t want to lose anything else.”

Mav pushed his hands into his hair, tugging as his head dropped, a sound of anguish leaving him. “I don’t want to be scared. But I am, because I’m going to lose again, aren’t I?”

He looked up once more, this time his eyes locked on mine and my mouth turned dry. “I’m going to lose.”

“You’re not,” Cole protested for me, speaking the words that were stuck in my throat. “Mav, come on, dude. Get down here, sushi will be here soon, we can eat, and talk, and everything will be fine.”

“I don’t want to talk.” Mav got to his feet, his entire body shaking, fingernails digging into his left arm as he scratched the tanned, tattooed skin slowly, up and down, deeper, harder. “I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to be here.”

He came down the stairs faster than I had expected, barrelling past me, knocking me to the side as he shot towards the door, grabbing a set of keys from the bowl as he went. Barefoot, he ran into the garden, across the lawn, and towards the garage.

I wanted to chase after him, but my feet wouldn’t move. What had he meant? What was he going to lose? Me? Us?

The roar of an engine saw him speed out of the garage in a Cadillac. The sound was enough to snap me out of my motionless state, and I ran, heading to the garage with Ro and Cole behind me. An orange light on Ro’s Audi flashed as he overtook me, then stood in front of the passenger door, blocking the handle from my reach.

“Get back inside,” he commanded.

“No,” I argued, planting my hands on my hips. “Move your ass, we’re going after him.”

“Bumblebee, go inside and wait. We’ll find him, but someone should stay here in case he comes back first.”

“Cole can stay.”

“No. Cole knows Mav better than either of us, wherever he’s gone, Cole can find him.” Ronan stepped towards me, pushing me back against the side of the car parked beside his, making room for Cole to slip behind him and get in the car.

Ro kissed my forehead. “We will find him,” he promised.

“He’s probably just going to clear his head,” Cole said, before closing the passenger door.

“Do you think that’s all he’s doing?” I asked Ronan.

He shrugged awkwardly and sighed. “I hope so, that’s what he did back in Milan, wasn’t it?”

“He was sad in Milan, not scared.” I had never seen him scared.

“He won’t do anything stupid,” Ro said, his attempt to calm me failing. If he believed that then why had he followed me out here? Why was he going to look for him if he thought that Mav was safe?

“I hope you’re right,” I said flatly, then made my way out of the garage. I stood on the lawn, feet muddy and cold, and watched the Audi pull away. I watched as they turned out of the drive, and kept staring at the place I had last seen both cars until my toes turned numb and my lips began to tremble.

Back inside the house, I cleaned my feet off with a tea towel, then went upstairs to find a pair of fluffy socks and some joggers. Ignoring the blood-stained carpet and mess of my room, I tied my hair up with a checkered scrunchie, then splashed my face with ice-cold water in my ensuite bathroom, keeping all of the doors open so that I could hear if anyone came home.

I hadn’t been alone in this house in over a year. One of the guys was always here, even if I didn’t see them all day, I knew I wasn’t alone. I liked that feeling, doing our own thing but knowing we could hunt each other down for a hug or chat or whatever when we needed it. It was a nice feeling. One that I now realised I had been taking for granted all this time. I didn’t like this feeling of being alone. It made my stomach twist in knots.

I paced the foyer, shaking my hands as I padded over the wooden floor until a loud knock on the door had me jolting. I paused, staring at the dark wood, tilting my head as though I might see through it, then cautiously approached it. None of the guys would knock, the door wasn’t even locked, all they needed to do was twist the brass knob. So who the fuck was at our door? Who had made it past the front gate?

Hesitantly, I opened the door a crack, then released my breath with a small laugh. Standing outside was a man holding a brown paper bag with ‘Miss Sushi’ stamped across it.

“Sorry for the delay, traffic is mental out there today,” the delivery guy apologised. “Also, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but your front gate is busted.”

Jordan.I was almost certain that that would’ve been his doing. He would’ve managed to get in earlier with the code that we’d not bothered to change, and had now broken the gate. I wondered if the guys had noticed on their way out. I hadn’t from up here, but then again, I was distracted, the only thing Iwantedto see was my boys coming home.

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