Page 80 of Give Me What I Want

I nodded. “I think so. Do you think they knew? I tried to hide it from them.”

“They didn’t know,” she confirmed. “Mav was worried for a while, but that passed when you kept smiling each day. You’ve been so strong for them all, Bea, I don’t know how you did it.”

Shrugging, I opened the menu and scanned it, deciding quickly what I wanted. Cece did the same, we placed our orders, then she fixed me with a stern glare.

“Would it have been the end of the world if you had broken down in front of them though?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said matter-of-factly. “Mav is holding on by a thread, even if he pretends that he isn’t. Ro was blaming himself; I couldn’t put extra guilt on him. And Cole, my sweet Cole, he needs smiles to survive. The breakdown that I had when it happened was enough for them all. I’m glad I’ve had you through this though. You really are one in a million.”

“I am the best, that is true,” Cece boasted, then sighed. “It’s okay if you’re still not quite okay.”

“I’ll never be over it,” I said, thinking back to that night when it had happened, when I had laid in bed with Ronan and lied. I had told him that I’d get over it, but I knew then that I wouldn’t. And I knew that before I ever even considered a future with children, I’d need some kind of therapy to get over the fear of it happening again. Cece knew this too, we’d had long, private talks about it all, and she said she’d be there for me through anything. I believed her. I had been stung by friends in the past, but this girl, I really believed would stay.

We ate our meal and spoke of other things, happier things, and when we were done, we decided to walk back to the venue, managing to hide from fans with the oversized hoodies we had carried with us and sunglasses, even though it was dark and drizzling. Bloody English weather. Oh, how I’ve missed it.

Back at the venue, the guys from One Last Time were finishing up their soundcheck just as Leo Birch came flying through the side entrance, red-faced and panting.

“I did it,” he announced. “I’m free.”

“Awesome!” One of the guitarists from One Last Time said, pulling the guy into a one-armed hug. “So you guys can play tonight then?”

“We can, if you’ll still have us?” Leo said, looking to me for an answer.

I slipped my hoodie off and sat my ass on the edge of the stage. “Cut your set in half, and we’ll get the other local support band to do the same,” I decided, then searched for Mark, finding him leaning against a wall with a clipboard in hand, looking only mildly frustrated.

“You’re lucky that getting them to play this show is going to cause big press, otherwise I’d be telling you to go fuck yourself,” he said with a shake of his head. “I guess we’ll take it from the top then, guys. Let’s hope that things run smoothly tonight.”

The rest of Leo’s band joined him a moment later and he told them the good news. Then they were up on the stage, using borrowed instruments—for now—to go over a simplified setlist while Mark sent one of the crew off to tell the other band who were supporting us tonight that they’d need to cut their setlist down, but explain why it was worth it.

Leo Birch’s first show away from Limelight. It was a huge deal. The guy honestly irritated me, but knowing what this meant for everyone else, the domino effect it would have for the other bands, it was worth it. I’d let him play. Plus, the rest of my band actually liked him, a lot.

“Final show tonight, Queenie,” Ro whispered as he caged me in, still perching on the edge of the stage as the band played. I leaned back, just enough to look up at him as he tilted his head and chewed a piece of gum. So much mint, it should have been overpowering if it wasn’t so damn comforting to me now. “I hear we’re going out after to celebrate in style. But Queenie, I have to ask, what the hell possessed you to agree to stay here tonight?” He lowered his voice and leaned closer, his lips brushing mine as he spoke. “Because I know you won’t fuck me with an audience unless it’s the guys, and I also know that you’re ready to…” He trailed off, his lips pressing to mine, icy and refreshing.

When he pulled back, I licked my lips and smiled up at him sweetly. “Iamready, but if you wait until we get home tomorrow, like a good boy, Ro-bear, I’ll make sure it’s worth it.”

“I don’t doubt that.” He chuckled darkly, then kissed me again. “I also don’t doubt that you’ll be teasing the shit out of us tonight too.”

“Of course I will.” I smirked, then ducked under his arm, jumping down from the stage with a laugh. “Isla will kill me if I’m late today, she’s got big plans, apparently,” I called over my shoulder.

Walking away to hunt down my stylist, I made it five steps, and then my arm was caught in a vice-like grip, and I was being spun around and kissed to within an inch of my life.

“I’ll kiss you now, so she doesn’t kill me too for ruining your makeup,” Ronan said as he released me, leaving me panting, then smacked my ass and sent me on my way.

I had a grin on my face and a spring in my step. That was until I saw Cole and Maverick’s faces. One forced smile with longing in his eyes, the other flat, hopeless and empty. It was then, passing my other two guys, that I knew that my time was running out. After tonight we’d be away from the spotlight, free to do as we pleased, and that should have excited me. Except it didn’t, because I, the girl who didn’t do boyfriends, wanted them all, and I’d need to tell them that sooner rather than later. And if they couldn’t accept that fact, then we’d be over. Deity would live on, but we’d never be the same.

My jaw dropped as I looked across the standing section of the venue and watched as almost every single person out there got to their knees, not caring about ruining their clothes on the sticky floor.

I spluttered a laugh. “Brighton, look at you,” I said seductively, as though I was talking to one of my guys. “Worshiping me, on your knees.” I bit my lip. “Well, that’s almost enough to make me want to play one of our oldest songs.”

We never played “Saints And Sinners” anymore, and they all knew exactly what I was hinting to. For the last two years, when we had been asked to play it, I had refused. The song reminded me of a time in my life that I would rather not think about, but I was a stronger woman now, the type of woman who could make her way through one of our most loved songs without breaking down.

“If you want it, Brighton, you’re going to have to beg,” I said with a grin, spinning the mic on its lead as I popped my hip and waited.

It took less than three seconds for a chant to erupt around the huge venue. “Please, Queen Bea.”

Over and over they begged, getting louder and louder as more people joined in, until the entire venue was screaming. Desperate for the song I was building myself up to sing.

I spread my arms, soaking in the moment, and then clicked my fingers. Just once. It was all he needed. Cole had been watching for my signal, I knew he would, and as I dropped my hands, grabbing the mic between them both, he began a steady beat.

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