Page 71 of Give Me What I Want

“What do we do?” I heard one of them say, probably Cole, my beautiful drummer-boy had no idea how to handle this.

“We clean her up and we take care of her, same as always,” Ro said flatly.

“What the fuck do you mean same as always?” Maverick snapped and I twisted my head to shout at him, but I had no words, nothing except noise. “This has never happened before. Did you know? Is this why you two were fighting earlier?” He pointed a finger at Ronan who snarled in response.

“Do Ilooklike I knew?” His fingers tightened in my hair for a second then released suddenly, a hushed apology leaving his lips as he smoothed my hair down. “Now turn the fucking shower on, and make sure it’s a nice temperature. Cole, go and find her a change of clothes, something loose fitting, one of your tee’s maybe, just make sure it’s soft. Andyou...” I knew he was glaring at Jordan, still seething over our bandmate’s actions. “Put the kettle on.”

Ronan brushed my hair behind my ear. “Peppermint or Chamomile?”

“Pe—” I managed, swallowing hard. “Peppermint.”

“You heard her. Go,” he snapped.

“Don’t flush,” I croaked, another wail leaving me.

Ro paused his caress, but quietly agreed, turning to the others and instructing them to not touch the toilet. It didn’t feel right, just pressing a button and sending... It wasn’t right. I hadn’t been able to look into the bowl, but I knew, I had felt it. But I couldn’t flush. We’d find another way; someone would be strong enough to do something better for our… Someone would be strong. I needed strong. I needed…

“June-bug,” I rasped, bringing my hand up to my face to wipe my tears. “Can you—”

“I’ll call her now. Do you want to be alone for a minute?”

“No one is leaving,” Mav began to argue but Ronan spoke loudly over him.

“We will do whateveryouwant.”

I nodded and moved to sit up, my stomach cramping as an empty feeling washed over me. I took Ronan’s phone, Juno’s voice already coming down the line.

“This better be important.” She yawned.

“Bug,” I croaked. “Something happened.”

Ronan left first then reached back into the room, grabbed Mav by the back of his t-shirt, and dragged him out. The room slowly filled with steam from the running water in the shower cubicle as I filled my sister in on what had happened. Ten minutes later I was able to breathe, and I felt better. Not good. Just better.

“You’ll bury it, in the morning, you’ll find a nice spot to pull over, and you’ll bury it,” she instructed calmly.

“Can I actually do that? Just bury my… bury h… it?” I asked, hiccupping through my words.

“Who cares, just do it, you can’t keep it until you get home, so just do it. You might not have necessarily wanted it, or maybe you did. Doesn’t matter, your feelings right now are valid, so let them come out. Let them come whenever they want. Bury your baby. Cry. Do what you need to do. I’m here for you, always and forever.”

“Always and forever.”

I ended the call and dropped Ro’s phone to the floor. He poked his head around the door a second later. “Ready?”

“Ready,” I sighed, pulling my t-shirt up over my head.

“Let me,” Ronan said, taking the hem from between my fingers. I let him undress me, closing my eyes tightly shut as he slid my panties off. When I opened my eyes, they were gone.

“Thank you,” I whispered, then glanced up to see Mav standing in the doorway with a black bin sack that I presumed held my clothes, they weren’t exactly ruined, just a little blood on my underwear, but he knew, knew that I’d never want to wear them, or even look at them again. “All of you.”

I knew the others were just outside the door. Even if our dynamic hadn’t changed, even if we had still beenjustbandmates, and this loss had been another man’s, I knew they’d be there. They always had been my boys. Even when they pissed me off and drove me to utter insanity. They were mine, and they’d be there when it counted.

Except for one, but I didn’t have the space for that right now. So I accepted that he was standing there too, had been roped into helping, and searched for comfort in the man helping me to survive this moment.

Ronan helped me to my feet. “Eyes on me, Bumblebee.”

I did as he said, knowing he would protect me. He wouldn’t let me see what had happened, the evidence of our loss.

“Good girl.” He guided me into the cubicle, and I flinched as the slightly too cold water hit me, he went to turn the temperature up, reading my reaction, but I grabbed his hand before he could twist the knob.

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