Page 44 of Give Me What I Want

“It’s not too late,” she whispered.

“No. It’s too early.” Too early to say goodbye to him. Too early for him to leave this world. Yes, I knew that this would come, and I knew that it could come any day, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t wish for it to all just go away. For a cure. A cure that would save him just in time. He was gone too early.

Understanding, Bea nodded then leaned into my hand just as I was about to pull away. I reluctantly cupped her face and took in every detail of it. I needed something to stop me from breaking down right now. Her face was it. Pierced, tattooed, heavily made up, perfection. I focused on my breathing as I took her in. Inhale. Exhale.Smell the flowers, blow out the candle.My uncle’s words echoed through my head, words he had spoken time and time again when I had been an angry child. A boy of six with no dad and no friends. I was violent, until Uncle Steve stepped in. So much of the man I am today is down to him. His lessons, his persistence. He’s the reason I’m able to keep my cool and stay level-headed so often. He’s the reason I can outsmart and verbally beat down Ronan in any situation, if I so choose to.

He should be here. Teaching me more. Guiding me through each new adventure. He shouldn’t have died. Not until he was an old man in a nursing home. He should have had so many more years. Decades. He was only fifty-fucking-eight.

“Hey, Mav.” Bea’s voice pulled me back into the present. “Hey,” she repeated. “What can I do?”

Sighing, I released her face. “Exactly what you’re doing now.”

She rolled her bottom lip back and forth between her teeth as she continued to stare up at me. I stared back blankly. Eventually, she spoke again. “Right, go and get dressed, I have an idea.”

“I don’t feel like getting dressed,” I protested, but there was no fight to my words, if she tried to drag me from my chair and shove me towards my bunk I’d go.

“Tough. This will either cheer you up for a little while, clear your head a tiny bit, or it’ll be about as crap as sitting in that chair all day until we go to soundcheck. Whatever the outcome, you don’t lose. Let’s go, up and at ’em.” She grabbed my hand, tugging me to my feet.

Slowly, as though my body was made of thick, sticky toffee, I made my way to my bunk, grabbed some fresh clothes, and disappeared into the bathroom. I took my time, and when I came back, hair freshly styled, sunglasses covering my bloodshot eyes, and dressed in a pair of dark jeans and white tank, she was waiting by the door.

“Hey, good lookin’,” she purred, winking at me over her sunglasses before pushing them up her nose and grinning. I tried to smile back, but it was a half-tilt at best.

“What are we doing then?” I asked, slipping my feet into a pair of Vans as she used the side of the stainless-steel kettle as a mirror and applied cherry red lipstick.

Bea rubbed her lips together, made a couple of popping noises, then hesitantly wrapped her arms around my waist. “In a few minutes, Ro will be rocking up outside with your surprise.”

“Ro?” I asked, tilting my head and holding her for a moment, reminding myself that I usually loved her touch, before I stepped back.

“Mhmm.” She nodded, then stepped down to the front door, swinging it open to the sound of a familiar engine.

I followed her outside just as Ro pulled up in a Mustang. A Mustang that was the same colour as my one back home, the same colour as all of my cars, bar one, and the same colour that Bea had just painted her lips. It was my favourite. I wondered if she knew that.

“You got me another Mustang?” I asked, choking on my own breath as I glared at her.

“For twenty-four hours, yes. It’s only for hire. You don’t need two. Is it a good surprise? Are you happy?”

“I’m less sad,” I confessed with a small chuckle as I circled the vehicle, taking in its beauty.

“I don’t get the appeal,” Ro said, climbing out and tossing the keys my way. I moved faster than I had in days to catch them, making him roll his eyes and share a conspiratorial look with Bea. “Guess I owe you an orgasm.”

“What?” I frowned at him. What the hell was he talking about?

“Not you, dumb-ow.” He folded, bending at the waist as Bea slammed her elbow into his stomach. “What the fuck, Beatrix.”

“Don’t be a dick.” She smiled sweetly at him, then patted his head, which for once was at a level that she could reach. I tried to hide my laughter, but it spilled out with a snort. Her head snapped my way, and her smile spread even wider, her eyes sparkling. “He wasn’t speaking to you, Mav. Unless you think receiving that from him would cheer you up too, because I’m sure it could be arranged.”

Ro straightened up, muttering something about not wanting to touch any man’s dick no matter how hot he might be, and I took the compliment, even if he hadn’t intended it. He scowled at me the entire time, then quickly kissed Bea and whispered something in her ear that made her cheeks flush pink.

“What was that all about?” I asked her once he had left us alone, joining the rest of our bandmates over on the set of deck chairs outside the bus.

She smoothed down her hair, then fiddled with the hem of her oversized tee, one that she had paired with denim shorts that barely covered her ass. “He didn’t think that my idea would make you smile, I told him if I was right, he owed me an orgasm, one that I could demand at any time, and he’d have to drop everything to fulfil it. He just told me how he planned on doing it.”

Humming, I nodded. “I’d have made that deal too.”

“Even if you knew you’d lose?” she asked, stepping towards me.

I hadn’t made a move on her in days, not since before the news. But now, standing before a car she knew I’d love, giving me something she knew I used as a release, I kinda wanted to.

But we were technically in public, and although our friends knew about our… thing, the majority of our crew didn’t. So I stepped to one side and opened the passenger door for her. Once she was safely inside though, I leaned in close, my lips brushing her ear, her jasmine scent intoxicating, and whispered. “Especially if I knew I’d lose.”

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