Page 34 of Give Me What I Want

The truth was, I had fallen for Beatrix Bolton eight years ago when she had come flying into our first lesson together and quite literally fell into my lap. She had tripped on a stray mic lead, hadn’t even attempted to find her balance, just threw her arms in the air and fell with such drama I wondered if she had walked into the wrong room. We attended an art’s college, surrounded by creatives of every nature. She would have fit in so well with the theatre kids. She was one of us though, and it had felt like all of my birthdays had come at once when she confirmed that she was exactly where she was meant to be.

Our friendship blossomed over the year, but so did her bond with Elijah. I tried not to feel jealous when they got closer, but I did. Then they started a band. I thought that would be the end of our friendship, but it wasn’t. She and Elijah couldn’t agree on anything, and they cared way too much about their friendship to throw it away over some petty band crap. So she was back to being the centre of my world, and that’s where she stayed.

I had already begun to build a connection with some guys in the class above us; Ro, and surprisingly, Mav. We gelled musically, but the three of us together didn’t feel complete. So we held an open audition after class one day, taking full advantage of the facilities we had at college.

She walked into that room, grabbed the mic, and sang without even bothering to introduce herself. I knew that she could sing, but I hadn’t considered that she might be the one who’d walk into that room, sing her heart out, and then cockily ask when our first practice would be.

I hadn’t attempted to argue when Ronan and Maverick had told her to meet us back in that same room the following day. Why would I? Having her as our frontwoman would be amazing. Then she had told them she’d only join if her friend could too. I wondered who she had meant, Beatrix seemed to get on with almost everyone she met, but she didn’t seem to have many people she was close to. Not close like me and her were. And definitely not like she was with Elijah. I knew it wouldn’t be him though. I could already feel the tension building in the room, the need to be the leader filling the air, it was almost suffocating. With Elijah, it would have killed us all.

The guys blindly agreed, and the next day she had dragged Jordan along with her. I knew him, well, I knewofhim. We had never spoken, but the moment we began to play music together a friendship sparked.

It was Jordan who had crushed my dreams of a romance with the girl we had claimed as our frontwoman. After our first open mic night, he had pulled me to one side and had sharply told me that it was a bad idea. He had seen the way I practically drooled over her, and he wanted me to shut it down. I disappeared for a few days, debating what meant more to me, a romance that I wasn’t sure would even happen, or a band that had slotted together like the perfect puzzle.

I chose the band.

I squashed my feelings deep down until I forgot that they even existed, and up until now, I had thought that they were gone. That she had been a fleeting crush. Oh, how wrong I was.

I thought that Jordan would be right, and when I had climbed onto that bed a few weeks back I had weighed those options once more. Only this time I decided to be selfish, just like the rest of them. And to my surprise, our world hadn’t come crashing down around us. There had been no real fallout at all. Only the occasional drama, like Bea’s explicit photo leak—something we still hadn’t found the source of—and multiple rumours of rocky roads between her and Ronan as they continued to pretend to be together in the public eye. I couldn’t understand where those stories were coming from. If anything the relationship that my bandmates were faking was even more believable now that there was something real going on between them. Whatever it was.

Pushing my fingers through my hair, raking it away from my face, I hummed thoughtfully, trying to decide how best to wipe the concerned look off of Bea’s face. I didn’t like the way that she was looking at me, it made me feel squirmy. So I plastered a smile on, one of my classic big grins, and leaned forward until we were nose to nose.

“Jealousy is healthy, gorgeous. It’s not the bad thing that you think it is. I’m not going to get upset about anything you do with them, but could you do me a little favour?” I asked, working so hard to control my breathing, knowing that one shuddered breath would clue her in to my true emotions right now.

“Hmm…” She wrinkled her nose as though she didn’t entirely believe me, then sighed. “What’s the favour?”

“In the end, if you’re gonna drop my ass for one of those other fuckers, can you make sure we have incredible break-up sex?” That felt safe, playful, exactly what she’d expect from her joker friend.

“Cole,” she said my name with a laugh. “If I drop one of you, I’m dropping you all. But yes, ourbreak-upsex will be incredible. I’ll ruin you for all other women, how does that sound?”

She was grinning at me, her blue eyes sparkling like sunshine on a tropical sea, and I felt my heart stutter in my chest, a happy feeling, even though it longed for more.

“Sounds perfect,” I whispered, matching her grin, and closing in on her, our mouths coming together in a kiss filled with laughter. I could handle her bad side, butfuck, feeling her laugh against my lips was something else, and I took a moment to appreciate that it was something that the others would experience far less often than I would.

“Am I interrupting?” The low rumble of Ronan’s voice broke us apart, and I groaned loudly as I glared daggers at him. My fingers had been trailing Bea’s ribs in teasing motions, but that mood that I had been trying to set was well and truly gone when I looked at his face.

Ro was pissed.

“You are,” Bea said, staring at him with a raised brow. “So this better be important.”

Ronan snorted. “It’s always important.” He was sitting on the arm of Mav’s empty chair and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “We need to talk to the crew, weed out anyone who might be out to get us.”

“What’s happened now?” Bea slumped back dramatically, throwing her head back with an irritated noise leaving her throat.

Ronan dropped his forehead to his hand, scrubbing at it for a moment before he pushed his flop of hair back and stared at Bea, his jaw tense, eyes narrowed. “When we were in Germany and you and I had that big fight about who should go home with Mav if anything happened with Steve, well we had left the window open, and some sneaky little shit managed to video us through the gap. This time it’s been broadcasted over social media, and it won’t be long before its reach gets wider. They’re saying that the band is going to split and it’s all because you’re too stubborn.”

“What the fuck,” Bea groaned, raising her head to meet his gaze, her face the picture of irritation. I reached out for her, taking her hand in mine and rubbing my thumb back and forth over her soft skin. It wasn’t much, but it was all I could think to do.

She didn’t look at me, didn’t give me any reassuring, forced smiles, and I wondered if I should try something else, a hug maybe?

Before I could pull her into my lap, she spoke. Calm and even. “If it’s on social media, we can trace it back to an account. Do that.”

“Bum—”

Bea cut him off with a single syllable and a sharp shake of her head. In all of the seven years since we started this band, none of us had gotten away with calling her Bumblebee. That nickname meant something to her, we might have been like family to her, but it wasn’t enough to allow us that right.

Ronan clicked his tongue, his eyes rolling to the ceiling for a brief moment. “I’m not an idiot, Bea. Garth and I have already tried to trace it. The first account to share it is called ‘TheFallOfDeity’, but it led to a dead end. Whoever did it knew what they were doing. They are smart, or they know someone who is. Either way, they are clearly out to get us.”

Getting to her feet, Bea rolled her shoulders and adjusted her crop top. “Let’s go interrogate the crew then.”

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