Page 28 of Give Me What I Want

I wasn’t sure how or why, but I believed her.

I kissed her forehead, looked around the room, and then my gaze fell on Jordan.

Still in the same place he had been the last time I had searched him out. Standing in the doorway, looking like he had just witnessed a car crash. Shock and anger held his eyes wide, but it was fear that radiated from him, hitting me in the chest.

I tightened my hold on Bea. Needing her. Needing someone to stop the feeling from taking over my body, because I couldn’t handle more fear.

With the stroke of her fingers down my ribs, she soothed me enough to slow my rising heart rate. Then Cole snuggled closer, and with my best friend at my side and the girl who had kept me going in my darkest days laying in my arms, I fell asleep.

9

We had finally made it to Venice when I woke, alone. The three men I had fallen asleep with had left me here, snoring and dribbling on my favourite pillow. I rolled onto my back, groaning, aching. I hadneverin my life been fucked like that. The sex I’d had since losing my virginity way back in high school was mostly really good, the guys I repeatedly dragged back to my bed knew how to please me, but my bandmates…

That shit had been mind-blowing.

Stretching and gazing up at the black ceiling, I played over small fragments of the night in my head. The way Ro had ignored me and thrown me down onto the bed, telling me that he wasn’t going to stand by and do nothing while the others fucked me. Then Cole had come in, and he had held me like he cared about me as Ro went down on me.

Cole had made me feel so safe, even as he teased me with the music that he knew would get me off.

Mav. I knew he’d never disappoint me. Mav fucked the same way he performed on stage. Talented was a goddamn understatement.

Then Ro went and took things to an entirely new level. And I hadbegged. Somehow it had felt right. I had never begged anyone for anything in the bedroom, but watching Mav’s eyes light up at my words was what had kept me going, appealing to the side of him that needed control.

They used me, and I used them.

Giving and taking. It was perfect. Except… Jordan. My rock and roll superstar hadn’t made his move. He had lingered in the doorway. I had felt his eyes on me the entire time, and I realised that I had liked it. But I wanted something else from him. The whole point had been to make things equal, to bring a balance after Ro and I went and messed with the band’s dynamic. That had happened, I guessed, but not entirely.

Jord was on the outside now, and I didn’t want him to be. I wanted him in with us. And I kinda I wanted to know what it was that made those cute blondes scream every night.

I was surprised when I had fallen asleep with one thought sitting in my mind; I wasn’t willing to give up what we had found in the last couple of days.

But I also wasn’t going to talk about it. Not yet anyway. Talking led to arguments, and arguments would ruin it all. Ro and I had started something that could possibly end up being the best thing for us all. I’d heard of these people who had casual situations with multiple men. I’d heard of people who had serious things with multiple men too, like my best friend, he shared his girl with two of his closest friends, and they were all so freaking happy.

I didn’t care what we were, I just didn’t want it to end. Didn’t want to not be able to feel the way I had felt last night again.

I was certain that they didn’t either. Ro hadsleptwith me two nights in a row, something shifting between us, softening the punches we threw at each other. Cole had smiled brighter than I had ever seen him smile since meeting him eight years ago. And Mav had held me so tight I wondered if it was all that was holding him together.

We all needed each other, and we could have each other. There was nothing to stop us. No commitments, we were all free to do as we pleased.

Maybe once he saw that it was a good thing, Jord would seek me out too. Chances were it was fear that had held him back. Fear of change, or maybe he was just scared that he’d have to give up all of the random girls for me.

Was that what I wanted?

The others didn’t sleep around. The last of them to sleep with anyone was Cole, and that was back around Easter; we were well into the middle of summer now. So I wasn’t exactly stealing anything from them, but if any of them decided to take someone other than me, how would I feel? Would I be okay with it? I wasn’t sure.

Pulling my lip between my teeth I closed my eyes and attempted to banish those thoughts. We’d only had one—two—nights, and I really needed to stop overthinking. I needed to focus on the serious shit in my life, like the fact I still needed to play pretend with Ro in public.

Would that be easier now? Or a million times harder?

Maybe Ididneed to talk, to Ro at least. We should work out if the faces we showed to the world would look any different now. Deciding that I should get it over and done with as soon as possible I stretched again, spreading my arms across the black satin sheets that we had fallen asleep on top of, star-fishing until my hand brushed over something hard. I grabbed it, opened my eyes, and stared at the phone in my hand. A flash of the night before hit me, and with curious fingers I swiped the screen, noting the background, a picture of a cherry red Cadillac at sunset. One of his many cars. It was Mav’s phone. I typed in his passcode then opened the camera roll, selecting the most recent video.

Me.

I turned the sound down low and rearranged my pillows. Then when I was comfy, I pressed play. Music came from the speaker, and I laughed at Cole’s awful camera skills. The screen shook, then suddenly focused in on me, my face, eyes gazing up into the lens as Cole’s cock slid between my lips.

The video played on, and I had to admit that Mav had been right, I liked the way I looked with my drummer’s cock in my mouth. My eyes were watering, and then I was shrieking. Another laugh fell from me as I watched myself, watched as Cole flew back, then forward again, making me choke loudly.

I made it to the end of the video, watching on through the darkness with the sound turned louder, listening to the crash of symbols as I recalled the moment I had come on Mav’s cock before he and Ro both filled me. Then the video cut out, ending just as we finished.

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