Page 22 of Give Me What I Want

Sadly, that didn’t happen when Cole chimed in, forever keeping the peace, declaring that he’d do it and quickly changing the subject, asking Ronan if he wanted to visit Cantina Do Mori for the Italian version of tapas and wine tomorrow before soundcheck. We were going to be staying in Venice for a few days, and we had all been pretty excited about it. Especially Ronan, who was desperate to visit the oldest bacaro in Venice.

He turned his attention away from me and onto Cole, a wide smile splitting his cheeks as he spoke to our drummer. I dropped my head back to my plate and finished up my meal, clearing the plate then reclining back and twisting my fingers in my lap, waiting for the right moment to excuse myself back to my bunk.

But then Jord’s hand landed on mine, untwisting my fingers and clearing his throat. “Now?”

“Later.” I was delaying. I wasn’t ready to speak to anyone, and Jord followed my lead, releasing my hand and slumping back in his chair. Irritation flooded me as I realised that in my agreement to discuss shit with the band later, I’d probably have to join them for the evening, no doubt watching some crap film that Beatrix had picked. Her taste was questionable at times.Clearly.

“What are we watching tonight then?” Cole asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Mav can pick,” Beatrix said cheerily.

But her little attempt to sweeten my mood wasn’t going to work. Instead of picking anything to watch, I nudged Jord until he got up, making space for me to get up too, then slumped down onto my usual armchair and pulled out my book. “You can watch whatever you want. I don’t care.”

Bea started to push, but I caught Cole shaking his head at her from the corner of my eye. She sighed and they all got up too, all heading to the sofas except for Cole, who went to start washing up.

Fifteen minutes later Cole was wrapping himself up like a burrito on the sofa with his favourite beige blanket, and the opening credits ofThe Empire Strikes Backbegan to roll along the screen. I glanced up, watching the beginning of the familiar, overplayed film for a while, then drew my attention back to my book, finally making it to page 52—not that I had really taken in much of what I was reading, shame really because it looked like a good read. Maybe it was one that I’d have to start fresh with when I was feeling a little more like myself rather than stealing moments of normality and then drifting into hopelessness again.

Tension was building through my body as the film dragged on, and by the time Luke Skywalker was finding out the truth about Vader I had a headache and pain was radiating through my jaw.

Beatrix had mouthed her way through the majority of the film, and Ronan had nudged her to stop multiple times. I had tried so hard to ignore them, but every time anyone moved, I noticed.

I hated being so fucking observant sometimes.

Other times I was smug as shit about it. Especially when I had noticed things that Ronan hadn’t, he liked to think that we were evenly matched, but we weren’t. Not in that area anyway.

I rolled my shoulders, preparing myself to break the ice between us all and open up about whatever the hell had happened last night, but nothing came out when I opened my mouth. Instead, I coughed. Fuckingcoughed.Jord glared at me, then got up, came over and leaned down to speak in my ear.

“The film’s almost over, I’m going outside. When I get back, we’re doing it.”

I nodded sharply, then patted his back as he straightened up and made his way to the door. Cole caught my attention next as he stretched, unravelled himself from his blanket, and yawned loudly. The film was ending, and Ronan switched the TV off just as Cole got up and excused himself, heading to the bathroom.

In a few moments’ time, I’d be voicing my concerns and no doubt starting some kind of mini-war, but if I didn’t do it tonight, I knew I’d spend another night awake, festering.

Before I could sit up straight Beatrix was on her feet, bidding us all goodnight as she plodded past me. Ronan got up next, and fuckingfollowed her.

I was on my feet in an instant, and all sense of calm and control vanished from my body as I watched them. He didn’t stop at his bunk, and she didn’t tell him to leave her alone. She pushed the back door open, and he closed the gap between them, hot on her heels, about to go and climb into the bed that heneverfucking slept in for the second time.

“What the fuck!” I roared, storming towards them.

Ronan spun around, standing between me and Beatrix as she met my gaze with wide eyes.

“What?” she asked, her head cocking and lips staying parted. Confusion was tugging her brows together, and I wanted to scream. How could she stand there looking confused?

“You two. What the hell is going on? You clearly fucked last night, and now what? You’re going to do it again? Going to put on a show for us all? You’re taking it too far!” I yelled, arms flailing manically as Ronan took a step back and blocked the door to the bedroom.

Since when was he so possessive and protective of Beatrix? Things had changed, like, really fucking changed. And all in the space of one night. That was all it had taken.

Beatrix pushed herself forward, then ducked under Ronan’s arm when he refused to move, squeezing her way out of the room. “Yes, we fucked. Is this a problem? Because I’m not sure how it can be. We’re adults.Consentingadults. And we made a choice. We’re not going to do it again though, so calm the fuck down, Mav.”

“We’re not?” Ronan asked, and I swear to god if Beatrix hadn’t placed herself between us, I’d have hit him.

“No,” she hissed.

“Why not?” he asked her, glaring.

I shook my head, teeth grinding together. They were ignoring me. Ignoring what they had done and acting like it meant nothing.

“Because I said so. Now go to bed, Ro-bear. And you…” She focused in on me, taking a step forward, the sweet jasmine scent of her filling my nostrils as she didn’t stop, making her way closer until her chest was pressing against me. “You better start talking to me properly, Mav. I’m not going to stand here and have you shouting at me for having sex for the first time in over a year. So tell me, what’s the issue?”

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