Page 66 of Julia.

“Say it,” I demand, my annoyance burning bright. “Say that I need a man that can give me everything I want. Another man. Not you.”

“I–” The words stick in his throat like peanut butter, so much so that I see him unconsciously rub his neck. “Fuck, you know I think you deserve the world Julia, but it’s not right to sit here and make me imagine you with someone else. Not when I just told you that I love you!”

I laugh in disbelief, throwing my hands up. “Do you really hear yourself right now? You want to break up, but you love me, and although I deserve all the love in the world you can’t accept that it will be with someone else. You don’t want me!”

Now Sebastian is on his feet, stepping close enough to me that I can feel the heat rolling off his body. “I do want you!” He roars, chest heaving. “Just because my father doesn’t want us together doesn’t mean that I don’t want you.Needyou, Julia. But he asked me to make it right, so I am.”

My eyes widen in disbelief. “You’re being ridiculous. I can’t believe you’re just going to accept his request like that. I’m ignoring my mother’s wishes to see you, you know. We can’t let the last generation control ours.”

Sebastian folds his hands behind his head, blowing out a breath. He moves away from me and paces the length of the bench a few times, coiling his strong emotions back inside of himself until his breaths come slowly once more and the volume of his voice is level once more. “I know, but he nearly died, like I’ve told you. You might feel comfortable ignoring your mother’s wishes, but she isn’t taking this lying down, you know that, right?” I blink a few times, unsure of what he’s saying. “Your mom came to talk to my father and told him about us,” he fesses out. “It was her insistence, and the shock of knowing that you and I were together, that made us argue…that made him have a heart attack.”

Now all I can feel is rage at my mother. I’ve always known that she was going to make this difficult for Sebastian and I, but how could I be so oblivious that I had no idea she went to talk to Sebastian’s father? It’s unbelievably cruel, knowing what the poor man has lost…I’m shocked at the coldness of my mother. There are always rumors about her…surely she can’t be the witch everyone makes her out to be? My own mother?

It feels like I’m short circuiting as I realize the severity of the situation. It’s too much. “I had no idea,” I say softly, feeling a sense of guilt wash over me. “But that doesn’t mean we have to give up on each other. Maybe…maybe you can let me talk to him?”

Sebastian shakes his head sadly. “Dad needs a stress-free life, not the opposite,” he tells me, his voice heavy with emotion. “He’s the only person I have left, Julia. Please try to understand.”

There is a pause in our conversation, the setting sun glimmering off the ripples in the water and the hushed sound of duck’s wings overhead as they come in to land on the water. Sebastian and I are both reeling, both struggling with the impossible difficulty of what lay between us.

There is love, but there is also pain, and disapproval, and responsibility to do right by the other people we care about in our lives. Sebastian is right here in front of me, but there might as well be oceans in between us.

“We can be together,” I insist, fixing him with a stare. “I’m sure if your father sees you standing up for what you believe in, he will understand and respect that.”

Sebastian hesitates for a moment, considering my words. “Or he will die of a heart attack for good. Surely you can see how that isn’t a foundation for a marriage, or a life together. There is no way forward for us.”

I laugh bitterly, feeling a sense of frustration and anger building up inside of me. “Very well. One shall not offend daddy dearest, huh?” My voice is dripping with sarcasm, but it’s all to cover up the shockingly sharp hurt within me. “I’d have gone against my entire family for you, Sebastian. But I guess the feeling isn’t mutual.”

Sebastian reaches out to touch my arm, but I pull away from him. “I’m sorry, Julia,” he says, his voice full of regret. “I never meant to hurt you.”

I turn to face him, my eyes filled with tears. “That doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

He takes a step closer to me, but I back away, feeling hurt and the ghost of what could have been washing over me. “I need some time to think.”

Sebastian nods, his eyes filled with sadness. I see his fingers moving at his side, as if he’s fighting off the need to touch me. I want him to, so much, but if he’s dead set on doing things this way, I can’t let myself give into an embrace like that, knowing how it will just make the coming days harder.

“I understand.” His words are so quiet I barely hear them, but when I do, I pivot on my foot and leave. One hollow blessing is that both his car and the driver who brought me here are still waiting in the parking lot, so I won’t have to have the embarrassment of waiting for a cab while Sebastian watches me from the lake.

As I walk away, I can feel the weight of my heartache with every step. I had thought that Sebastian was the one, that we were meant to be together. But now, I’m not so sure. I can’t help but wonder if love is worth sacrificing everything for, or if there’s a point where you have to let go and move on. I can’t believe that he’s willing to let go of us so easily, just because his dad is against our union. It all feels so unfair.

Inside the car, with tears streaming down my face, I know I need to talk to someone. I pull out my phone and dial Gabi’s number. I need to tell her what just happened, and I need her support now more than ever. She answers on the first ring.

Gabi picks up, her voice brimming with excitement. “Julia! Oh my god, did he propose?!” she practically shrieks into the phone.

My stomach drops at the mention of a proposal. I can’t even imagine what it’d have been like if that had happened. I had the scenario so built up in my head, all these thoughts of joy and what it would be like for us to finally start our lives together…how could I have believed something so stupid? But I know I need to tell her what really went down.

“No, Gabi,” I confess, my voice cracking. The brightness and happiness in her tone is breaking my heart into even more pieces. Not only did I not get a proposal, I got a rejection, instead. “It didn’t go well.”

There’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line before Gabi speaks again, her voice now filled with concern. “What happened? Are you okay?”

I take a deep breath before launching into the story of how it all fell apart. I tell her about how I had thought everything was perfect, and how I had imagined a future with him. But then he told me that he couldn’t commit with all the other things going on in his life, and how he’s so worried about the opinion of his father that he’s willing to let me go for good.

As I speak, I can feel the tears streaming down my face. But Gabi is there for me, just like always. She listens to everything I have to say, never once interrupting or judging me. She lets me cry and vent, and I know that I’m not alone in this.

When I finish, there’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line before Gabi speaks again. “I’m so sorry, Ju. That’s awful. But you know what? You deserve someone who wants the same things as you do. Someone who’s willing to commit and build a future with you. And Sebastian obviously wasn’t that person.”

Her words should be comforting, a balm to my broken heart, but something deep inside me refuses to believe that he isn’t the one for me. “I think he is that person, Gabi. My person. He’s just too stubborn and set in his ways to see and accept that fact.”

I hear her humming in thought before she offers. “Come to my place. Let’s talk about this face-to-face. I don’t want you to be alone tonight, anyway.”

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