Page 64 of Julia.

Sebastian’s voice is low and steady, and he sounds different than usual. “Hey, Julia. Can you meet me at the first park we ever met after five? I really need to talk to you face-to-face.”

No sweet hello, no apology for his disappearance, just a curt invitation. Still, my heart leaps into my throat, and I can barely contain my excitement. The park where we had our first unofficial date is somewhere special to both of us, and in my mind, there is only one real reason he’d want to meet up there instead of one of our apartments.

Is this it? Is he finally going to propose? The thought of spending the rest of my life with him fills me with joy and anticipation. Despite my worries and fears, everything might finally be falling into place.

But a part of me can't help but wonder what has changed. I nibble at my bottom lip, thinking. It would be so easy to just accept. I want to see him so badly. Something is off, though, I just know it. But I don’t think that I can resist, even though I know that logically it might not be the best choice. The last time we spoke, he was in the hospital with his father, and his voice was distant and cold. I don’t know what has happened in the intervening days, but I’m not about to question it when he’s finally giving me what I want.

“I can do that,” I tell him quietly. “At what time exactly?”

Seb tells me to be there by six pm, just in time to watch the sunset, and where in the park to meet, still not giving me any small talk or other polite conversation. Just instructions. Then he’s getting off the phone, and I’m left holding the device while my emotions twist and turn inside me like a cyclone. I’m so torn…what exactly is going on?

I hear the creak of the lecture hall door, and Gabi slips out into the hallway to join me. She must have seen me leave to take the phone call. Without hesitation, I grab Gabi by the hand and spill the news. She screams with excitement before slapping her hands over her mouth to hush herself in the empty, echoing hallway, and a smile creeps onto my lips despite how stressed Seb is making me feel.

“You really think it’s for a proposal?” She asks, taking both my hands in hers.

“I…I think so. But there is something about the invitation that doesn’t make sense. Don’t you think it’s weird that he just, out of the blue, called and wants to immediately meet up somewhere to propose? It’s the only thing that I could imagine him doing at this park, but I really thought we would have some time to unravel the last few days and what it means for us first.”

“Girl,” Gabi laughs. “If this is some spur-of-the-moment idea that Sebastian is having, you need to strike while the iron is hot. Seeing how he tends to pull away when things get rough, who knows when you will have another chance like this one? Go to the damn park.”

She finishes the lecture by telling me to wear my best dress and do my hair and makeup perfectly. I take her advice, leaving class a few minutes earlier and all but running back to my apartment to change. I pick out a beautiful dress that accentuates my curves and flatters my skin tone. I clearly don’t have hours to get ready like I’d prefer for something like this, but I’m confident that Sebastian will find me beautiful no matter what. Still, I can’t help wanting to look my absolute best for him in case he does propose.

Sebastian sends a car for me, which does nothing to settle my nerves. I would feel better in my own family’s car, but I’m still trying to keep my meetups with Seb as secret as possible from Mom. I’m sure she knows that we are seeing each other, but the less I rub it in her face, the better. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, I guess.

I keep playing scenarios in my head, trying to predict what he might say or do. Will he really get down on one knee? Will he recite a heartfelt speech? I’m sure that if a proposal is really in my future, only minutes or hours away, it will be perfect no matter what. I’m more than ready for whatever surprises await me.

The logical part of me keeps trying to rear its ugly head and scream this isn’t right! Something isn’t right! But I tamp it down the best that I can. I want to go into this hopeful, happy, and be the beacon of light and positivity that Sebastian will need in the upcoming weeks and months as he works his way through his new life and reality.

Sebastian would never propose off the cuff like this, my treacherous brain hisses.You’re reading this entire situation wrong and you’re going to look like a total fool!

At the park, Sebastian is waiting to open the door for me. I suck in a breath, affection, and desire rolling over me as soon as I see his large hand in my vision as he reaches down to help me out of the car. Just touching his skin and smelling his woodsy cologne has butterflies taking off in my stomach like mad. I want so much right now! I want to hug him, kiss him, bury my face in his neck and never let go. I’ve missed him so damned much, and despite all the words I’ve been practicing in my head on the drive over, that’s all I can say when I open my mouth.

“I missed you,” I breathe, hovering on the edge of initiating an embrace myself and waiting for him to reach out. “I’ve really, really missed you, Seb.”

He doesn’t reach out, much to my disappointment, but he gives me a lukewarm, “Missed you too,” as he laces our fingers together and leads me towards an empty bench on the lakeside. He glances over at me, and then down my body at the way the wind is pulling my dress against me, displaying my curves to full advantage, before he meets my eyes again.

“You’re quite dressed up for just having come from class,” he points out, settling on the bench and waiting for me to do the same.

I do, smoothing my dress down as I sit. “I left class a little early to change. I wanted to look my best for you.”

His eyes soften and his body sways towards mine, and for one hopeful second, I’m sure that Sebastian is going to try and kiss me. But then…he doesn’t, squaring his shoulders and sitting back against the bench once more.

The sun is shining down on us as we sit together, staring out at the crystal-clear lake with a million words unsaid between us, and still none of them being spoken. My heart is racing with excitement and nervousness, but as the seconds tick by, the nervousness starts to take control of anything positive. I exhale slowly and close my eyes.Calm down, Julia, I tell myself, willing my pulse to slow,Just talk to him. It’s what you’ve wanted to do for days, isn’t it?

“How is your dad? I heard through the grapevine that he is home now,” I ask, hoping to break the tension that has been building up between us.

Sebastian sighs. “Well, yes, he is home, but his quarters are basically a miniature hospital room, now. We’ve got medical staff at the estate twenty-four hours a day, but I can see as he gets his strength back how he’s trying to brush them off and be his stubborn, independent self.” He launches into an explanation of what exactly happened with his father’s heart medically, getting into the minute details of potential procedures that can be done and how his father’s life will change from here on out. I try to listen attentively, but my mind is elsewhere. All I can think about is the anticipation of what might happen next.

“That sounds like a lot, Seb,” I tell him truthfully when he trails off. I might not have absorbed everything he just told me about his father’s incident, but I’m positive that he was just getting it all off his chest, anyway. Maybe grateful for someone to listen to.

“It is,” he admits, his words filling me with sympathy for how vulnerable he sounds.

I consider dropping any questions or concerns about how he’s treated me the last few days, but Gabi was right. I need to tell him how I expect to be treated in the future, and how cutting me off when things get hard isn’t acceptable. So I gather my courage and ask, “Seb, listen…why have you been so distant lately? I feel like the moment bad things happen you close the door on me and I’m left standing out in the cold.”

Sebastian looks at me with a pained expression, and I can feel my heart sink. “Calling what I’ve been going through ‘bad things’ is sort of trivial, don’t you think?”

I wince. “You know that’s not what I’m trying to convey…”

I can feel the breeze tugging at my hair and the sun hot on the back of my neck as we sit in a now uncomfortable silence, the only sound the soft lapping of waves against the shore. I feel my heart heavy in my chest as Sebastian still doesn’t say anything, or even look at me. A proposal seems less and less likely by the second. He looks so exhausted, his pain is etched onto his face, and it breaks my heart to see him suffer.

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