Page 58 of Julia.

I decided to reach out to her so we can see each other again. Emotions are almost painfully high between us after meeting up at the funeral, but I can’t let them spin out of control, or everything we’ve gone through so far will be pointless. So, even though when I see her next, I want to sweep her into my arms and kiss her senseless, or tell her how far I’m willing to go to make her mine, I don’t. I keep her at arm’s length just enough that we both are able to keep our wits about us, and some of the horrible tension I’ve been holding since the funeral starts to slowly bleed away.

We decide to meet each other a few times through the week and explore places around the city where we are least likely to be interrupted by people who may know us, or even the media. I cherish every moment I spend with her. The hours I spend at work and taking care of my father are gray and dull, but the hours I manage to carve out for Julia and I are brilliant and full of color and life. Despite not wanting to raise her expectations too much about a potential proposal, considering that I don’t think that things are completely settled with her mother just yet, it’s impossible not to drop little hints here and there about it. We talk about our futures together like they are something expected, inevitable, even, and it feels so natural that it boggles my mind when I look back on it.

During an afternoon when I extended my lunch break to be with her, we find ourselves strolling together in a park more crowded than usual. It’s a warm, sunny day, and the park is bustling with people, the edges of the paths lined with perfectly manicured flowers and fat, fuzzy bees buzzing from one to the other. We stroll along the winding paths, taking in the sights and sounds of nature around us. The leaves rustle gently in the breeze, and the birds chirp merrily in the trees.

She talks to me about classes, the things that she struggles with, and the things at which she excels, and her sweet voice lulls me into a statement of blissful comfort. She has a way of making everything feel right in the world. We find a quiet spot near a small pond, and we sit down on a bench. I lean back, close my eyes, and breathe in the fresh air.

I open my eyes to see Julia staring at me, a small smile on her face. “What are you thinking about? You look so pensive today.”

I shrug, feeling a grin spread across my lips. “Nothing, really. I’m just happy to be here with you.”

She leans in, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. “I’m happy to be here with you too.”

Even a simple, platonic-seeming kiss on the cheek makes my blood thrum in my veins at the memory of her lips, and mine, on other inches of our bodies. Every ounce of physical affection that she gives me makes me feel like this, and I have to breathe through my nose slowly to regain complete control and not embarrass myself by crashing my mouth against hers here in this family-friendly park.

Needing to move so I can shake off the sinful things on my mind, I coax her up so we can continue our walk. As we stroll through, I take her hand, and we stop to admire the scenery. But while Julia is enjoying the view, I can’t help but turn my attention towards her.

She turns to me, a curious expression on her face. “What?”

I sigh, pondering the best way to tell her what I have in mind. “You know, after I lost my mom and siblings, I thought I’d never smile again. But just being here with you…” I reach for her hand, squeezing it in mine. “Gosh, you make life so worth it. I can’t thank you enough for being here for me.” Then I take a deep breath, feeling an unfamiliar tightness in my chest as doubts start to creep in. “I know we’ve talked about similar things before, but…is this something you want for the rest of your life?” I motion to the park around us. “Time like this with me, I mean, even knowing that your mom hates every atom of my being.”

Julia chuckles, giving me a coy look. “Only if you make an honest woman out of me someday.”

Her words make my heart soar, knowing we are exactly on the same page about our future. “That is something I have definitely planned on, if things play out in my favor.”

Her face lights up, and a smile spreads across her lips, her curiosity visibly piqued. “Sebastian, are you asking me to marry you?”

I shake my head, feeling a flush of heat crawl up my neck at how flippant my words just were. Damn, I really need to keep my tongue on a leash! “No, no. I’m not asking you to marry me.” Her face falls, and I quickly add, “Not yet, at least. I just wanted to know how you felt about it.”

She squeezes my hand, her eyes sparkling with joy. “Well, then yes, Sebastian, I want more of this with you, no matter what my mother thinks.”

* * *

Julia and I venture out to a new coffee shop in town one evening. It’s an unconventional time for coffee, but we don't mind. The shop is cozy and welcoming, with a pleasant atmosphere. We order our drinks and settle at a small table by the window.

As we chat about our day, I feel an indescribable sense of comfort and familiarity with her. It’s as if we’ve known each other for years. Outside, the sun sets, casting an orange glow over the city. People bustle past, going about their daily lives. But for that moment, Julia and I are in our own little world, enjoying each other’s company.

While our conversation flows, the world outside fades into the background. Our voices fill the space between us, and the warm aroma of coffee envelops us. I can’t help but smile at the way Julia’s eyes light up as she talks about her dreams and aspirations. She has such a passion for life, and it’s infectious.

Once we finish our drinks, I feel a twinge of sadness—I don't want the date to end. I know there will be more to come, more memories to be made, and more time to spend with her, but each time I’ve got to leave her, this sense of sadness plagues my thoughts.

Outside on the sidewalk, the night air is cool and crisp. Julia takes my hand, and we walk through the city streets, lost in our thoughts and neither of us wanting the night to end. It’s a beautiful night, and I can’t imagine spending it with anyone else. We laugh and joke, and time seems to fly by.

As we reach the end of our walk, I can hear the sound of faint, lively music floating in the night air. Julia turns to me with a mischievous grin, an idea forming in her head. “Wanna do something crazy?”

I grin back at her, wondering how this girl can make me act so completely out of character. Had anyone else asked me that question the answer would be a resounding no, but for Julia, I say, “Always.”

Julia leads me to a small park, where a group of people have gathered around a gazebo stage where the source of faint music is originating from. A band is playing, and people are dancing and swaying to the music. She grabs my hand and pulls me into the crowd, a much more casual and free version of the first dance we had. Then, it was formal wear and sparkling chandeliers, but now Julia’s sundress spins like it’s weightless and her laugh is equally as buoyant. Among the crowd, we are no different than anyone else, and it’s freeing. We dance there under the stars and street lights, and for a moment, nothing else matters. It’s just us, the music, and the moment.

Even though I don’t want it to, the night eventually comes to a close, and we make our way back to my car. I turn to Julia, my heart filled with gratitude. “Thank you for tonight. It was amazing.”

Julia smiles, and I know she feels the same. There are a million things left unsaid between us, serious and deep, life-changing things, but just like me, she doesn’t want to ruin the fun, light, carefree feeling the evening has left us with. So instead of delving into those serious things, she just gives me a wink and another kiss on the cheek, telling me, “Anytime, Seb. You’re the best, you know that?”

“You might be the only one that thinks that,” I reply in a chuckle. “But you’re the only opinion I care about these days, so it all works out.”

* * *

Logically, I know that there is no way that this blissful bubble that Julia and I are in last forever. We’ve been pretending that tragedy and devastation aren’t lingering there for us when we return from our little dates and reenter our real lives, and so far it’s been working, but it’s also a sort of limbo. I can’t pursue a serious relationship with her like I want to if we don’t acknowledge the elephant in the room that is Margaret Van Dieren. Julia, of course, has no idea what horrible things I believe her mother to be guilty of, but even if she were completely innocent, she’d still be a huge roadblock for the two of us spending our lives together.

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