Page 71 of Knight

I must fall asleep, because I’m startled awake when I hear voices. I open my eyes and see Harley, Reagan, and Skylar standing over me. I haven’t been here with them since the day of the funeral. I come on Fridays. They come when they can. We all spend time with Scott in our own ways at our own times.

I sit up, while Harley sits down next to me and puts her arm around me. “Mom, what the hell are you doing?” Reagan and Skylar sit too.

“I’m visiting your father like I do every Friday morning.”

“I mean what the hell are you doing with your life?” I look at her in question. “Aunt Cass called us this morning. She told us about what happened with Jackson.”

“Oh.” Cass and her big mouth.

Reagan grabs my hand. “Mom, do you love Jackson? Do you want to marry him?”

“Yes, I love him, but I can’t marry him. I’m married to another man. Your father.”

The girls all look at each other and seem to communicate something. I don’t know what. Harley nods at Skylar.

Skylar pulls a folded piece of paper from her pocket. “Mom, did you ever wonder why we show you all of our letters from Dad, except our first letter from him after he died?”

“Of course, but I assumed he wrote something about it being your obligation to take care of me and you didn’t want me to see that. You didn’t want me to feel like a burden.”

“Well, that’s not exactly right. Here’s mine. Read paragraph six. Harley and Reagan had the same exact paragraph in theirs.”

I scroll down to the sixth paragraph.

A time is going to come when your mother finds love again. She’s going to doubt it because of me. She’s so fiercely loyal that she’s going to have a crisis of conscience. She’s going to talk herself out of her own happiness, putting me first, as always. I can’t predict the future, and I can’t describe exactly what it will look like, but it will happen. I trust you to recognize when it does. I trust you to recognize the moment she needs to hear from me. When this happens, please give your mother the enclosed letter, titled ‘For Darian, When You Find Love Again’. I trust you to give her the support she needs.

I read it three times. I look at each of the girls and Harley reaches into her pocket and pulls out an envelope. She hands it to me. My hands are shaking as I take it. Sure enough, the front reads, in Scott’s handwriting,For Darian, When You Find Love Again.

I just stare at the envelope. I can’t believe I’m about to hear from Scott again after nearly three and a half years.

Harley stands and grabs her sisters’ hands. “We’re going to give you some privacy. We’ll be waiting for you by the car.” They walk away, leaving me with my letter. I’m trembling as I open the envelope. I pull the letter out. There are already tears rolling down my cheeks.

Darian:

My love. You were the best wife a man could ever have. I’m so fortunate for the time we had together. You’re beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, an amazing mother, and so very loyal. You’re the whole package. I knew it the moment I saw you in the library all those years ago. That’s why I stalked you for weeks. You took my breath away, and I didn’t think I deserved you. I was too much of a chicken to ask you out. I thank my lucky stars that I finally got the courage and did. I still can’t believe you said yes.

The very first time I touched you, I knew I would never touch another woman for the rest of my life. When you’ve got perfection, there’s no reason to ever consider anything else.

If you’re receiving this letter, a few things have happened. First, I am no longer physically with you. I’m so sorry, baby. I tried to eat healthily and exercise, but those Lawrence genes are a little too strong.

Second, you’ve found someone else that our children think you should be with. He must be pretty damn special if our kids think him deserving of you. I want you to know something. Darian, it’s okay. I’m okay with it. I want you to find love again and live a full life. Life is too precious to dwell on the past. As much as it pains me to say it, I’m your past. This lucky bastard is your future. Love him. Let him love you. Be with him in any way you want, even marriage.

Hear me, Darian. If you find a man who will treat you like the queen you are, and you truly love him, it’s okay with me if you marry him. You have my permission. When the day comes that my gorgeous girl is walking down the aisle again, I’ll be the one giving you away. You’re mine to give away, and I’m doing it. Darian, I’m giving you away to another man who can give you what I can’t.

You tell him that if he ever hurts you, I will haunt him for all of eternity. But if you love him, and our kids know it’s time for you to read this letter, then I know what kind of man I’m dealing with.

I’m releasing you, Darian. Live your life to the fullest.

I love you forever,

Scott

My face is completely covered in tears. I reread it at least twenty times. Oh, Scott. Even in death, you’re putting me first.

I eventually stand up and blow him a kiss. “Bye, baby. I love you always. I’ll see you next Friday.”

I walk toward the girls. They all hug me and look down toward the letter. I hand it to them to read. They all cry while reading it. The four of us stand there holding each other sobbing.

Reagan wipes away her tears first. She straightens her back and puts out her hand for me. “Let’s go get him back.” Harley nods. Skylar nods. I nod.

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