Page 5 of Knight

“He didn’t fucking secure the lid, per my instructions, and certainly didn’t fucking use the zip lock bag, per my instructions, so his sperm fucking spilled in his pocket and was all over his boxer shorts. I pointed at it and saidI hope that was your son you moron. So, I gave him a blow job, got it done in like two minutes, and then had the Intrauterine Insemination procedure. I honestly hope I’m pregnant so I can tell this loving conception story to my child one day. Imagine,conceived via blow jobon our birth announcements.”

There’s about a five-second shocked pause with all of us staring at her wide-eyed before we all snort our drinks out of our noses and are doubled over in laughter. I’ve never heard a more absurd story in my entire life. My sides literally hurt from laughing so hard. I honestly think this is the first stomach-hurting laugh I’ve had in three years, and it feels good. Really good.

We ask a few follow-up questions to that crazy story as we wait for our shots, mostly about the logistics of medical office blow jobs.

We eventually have our two rounds of blow job shots, giving an extra cheers to Alexandra for already having done her fair share at the doctor’s office today.

The Aerosmith cover band takes the stage and starts playing. Of course, “Crazy” is their first song. We all have to get up to dance to Cassandra’s unofficial anthem.

We make our way to the dance floor, and the four of us are dancing and having a great time. This cover band is actually doing a pretty good job. A few unappealing men try to dance with us, but we shoo them away. Cassandra hasn’t given me any grief over it, so I assume she agrees that they’re unappealing.

After a few songs, the band slows things down with “I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing” from Armageddon. Great song, but I’m not dancing to a slow song. This is my cue to leave the dance floor and grab another drink. I turn around to leave, and bump right into a very broad and very solid chest. Without looking up, I mutter, “Oh, I’m sorry. Excuse me.”

I go to move around him, but he gently grabs my chin and lifts my eyes to his. They are a vibrant and penetrating emerald green, a shade I’ve never seen before. In a deep voice, he replies, “The pleasure is all mine. Would you like to dance?”

I’m caught a little off guard by the way this guy is looking at me. He’s definitely attractive, but I’m actually out and having fun. There’s no need for me to push things. I’m about to decline, but before I can answer, Cassandra interrupts, “Yes, she would.”

CHAPTERFOUR

JACKSON

Iarrive at Cover Me a little after 7:00. The band hasn’t started yet. I take off my suit jacket and tie as I roll up my sleeves. I order a double Monkey Shoulder Whiskey on the rocks.

My mind is on Bryan Clarrett. He’s such a petty jerk. As young real estate investors, both working for his father, he tried to undermine me in every single deal I was making. His father knew I had the better brain for the business, and eventually offered for me to be his successor. I declined and went out on my own, but Bryan has never forgotten.

This is the type of imbecile that coaches a little league team and benches my sons because of his beef with me. He hit on my wife constantly while we were married, just to get a rise out of me.

I smile as I think of the properties I now own around his Megaplex. Wait until he sees what I’ve got planned for them. He’s going to really lose it.

After a few sips, I can finally feel myself start to relax. An attractive blonde, with big fake boobs, who doesn’t look old enough to legally drink, comes up to me. “Hey, handsome. Want some company? I’d love for you to buy me a Cosmo.”

Young is not my type. Fake is not my type. Asking me to buy her a drink is not my type.

I motion for the bartender to come over. As I’m ordering her a Cosmo, she moves to sit down next to me, brushing her body against mine as she does so. It does absolutely nothing for me.

I look at her and try to be honest. “I’m happy to buy you a drink, but I’m afraid I won’t be very good company tonight. I’ve had a bit of a day. Please take this drink, on me, and enjoy your evening.” I smile at her. “You’re very beautiful. I’m just not up for company tonight.”

She grabs the drink while muttering, “Asshole,” as she walks away. I shake my head and laugh. I can’t win with women right now. I could have just been a dick and asked her to leave to begin with, but I was a gentleman and bought her the damn drink. That’s all she really wanted anyway. Somehow, I’m still the asshole.

Would she have rather I lied to her? I’m sick of this scene. I’m sick of the games. Are there any genuine and worthwhile women out there? I haven’t met any. Perhaps I’m looking in the wrong places.

That woman was attractive and probably should have stirred something in me, but I felt nothing. What would she and I even talk about? Does she know Aerosmith? It probably would have been an easy lay, but I feel like I already went through that phase of my divorce a few years ago. I’m just not into it. I’m giving up. I’m not ever finding the full package. I’m officially resigned to it.

I’m deep in my self-pity when I hear a table of women erupting into laughter and turn around to see the commotion. I scan the table and see that they’re all actually very attractive, and, shockingly, seem age-appropriate for me.

As I get to the last woman at the table, all the blood in my body rushes south. Holy shit. That must be the most exquisite woman I’ve ever seen. She’s got chestnut brown hair with sun-kissed blonde highlights. It falls just past her shoulders. She’s got green eyes, big lips, and an hourglass figure that’s got my heart beating fast. She either got the best boob job I’ve ever seen, or I’ve now witnessed perfection.

I need to adjust myself. I can’t remember the last time I pulled semi from just seeing a woman.

I’m about to go and talk to her, when the band starts playing and her table jumps up to dance. They really seem to like the song “Crazy.”

They’re all laughing, clearly having a wonderful time together. I just watch her move for a few songs. Her gorgeous body moving to the music is so sensual. She’s completely unaware of herself, making her all the more attractive to me.

I have to adjust my pants again before I embarrass myself. I feel like every man in here is watching her. Again, she’s completely unaware of this. I’ve counted four men who have tried to dance with her that she’s turned away.

I’m not sure I stand a chance, but I’ve got nothing to lose. I start to make my way over to her when one of Aerosmith’s slower songs begins to play. This is my opportunity.

I’m entering the dance floor to ask her to dance, but as the song intro begins, she turns to leave the dance floor and bumps right into me. She doesn’t bother to look up as she apologizes for knocking into me.

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