Page 22 of Knight

Jackson: Missing you already. I can still smell you on my body. I may not shower for a few days. I don’t think I can wait until Friday. Need to see you before then.

This guy is definitely intense. We did say we’d be straightforward and that we wouldn’t play any games. I guess he’s interested and putting it out there on the table.

I smell myself. I smell like him. It smells good. I pick up the pillow he used and smell it. That smells like him too.

Me: You haven’t been gone long enough to miss me. I can smell you on me too. I’ve got your smell on my pillow though, so I can take a shower. ;)

I’m totally not showering right now. A few more hours of smelling like Jackson won’t hurt.

I throw on some leggings and a sweatshirt and head back into the kitchen. Harley is just coming out of the guestroom with red eyes and tears streaming down her cheeks. “Oh baby, come here.” I wrap my arms around her and hold her while she finishes sobbing.

Eventually, she stops and pulls back. I look at the letter. “May I?” She nods. I sit down on the couch and take a big breath.

Dear Dr. Lawrence,

I can’t believe I get to call my first baby Dr. Lawrence. You are the first Lawrence in family history to become a doctor. I’ve never been so proud in my entire life (and death, if you’re reading this).

Harley, you becoming a doctor was never an if, but a when. You have wanted this since you were three years old. Your pre-school teachers called us to say that while every other person in the class said they wanted to be something like a fireman, policeman, ballerina, or baseball player when they grew up, you were the only one to say you wanted to be a doctor.

Every picture you drew was of you as a doctor. Every Halloween for as long as I can remember, you dressed as a doctor. I keep a picture of you at 4 years old in a lab coat on my phone. Make sure your mom shows it to you today.

You have worked so hard and sacrificed so much throughout the years to make your dream a reality. Missed parties, dances, and games are just some of the sacrifices you made. No one has worked harder, or deserves this more than you. Whatever specialty you choose, and whatever hospital you choose, they will be lucky to have you. I only regret that I can’t be there to see you in your real lab coat at work. But I can imagine it, and baby, it’s a thing of beauty.

Make sure you thank your beautiful mother for the sacrifices she made for you as well. You don’t know half the stuff she did for you to lessen the burden and help you pave this path. She showed you every single day what a strong woman looks like, and we are all so blessed to have her as our family quarterback. Make sure you always take care of her and your little sisters. You four girls are my everything. Give mom a kiss from me. Tell her that I love her. I love you too.

Go get ‘em, Dr. Lawrence!

My love always,

Dad

I am full-on sobbing now too. Oh, Scott. Why did you leave us? We miss you. We need you.

Harley sits down next to me and we both hold each other and cry. These letters from the grave are like a double-edged sword. It’s so amazing to read new words from Scott, but at the same time, it brings so many emotions to the surface. Just when I think we’re healing and moving forward, I realize we will never truly heal from losing the heart and soul of this family.

After thirty minutes of wallowing, I decide that we need to soldier on. I get up and make us breakfast.

We chat about her new residency. She seems to really like it, even though it's difficult and the hours are insane. She said she doesn’t have time to think about dating, but I sense a story there. I decide not to push right now. She’ll tell me when she’s ready.

We talk for a long time and then watch a little mindless Netflix together until it’s already time to get dressed for dinner. I shower and dress.

We head downtown and pick up Reagan on our way toward Skylar’s school. Cassandra is meeting us there.

We meet everyone at the front of the restaurant, and then all sit down. Cassandra throws me an elbow. “Thanks for returning my texts, bitch.”

“I was with Harley today. She just got her doctor letter from Scott. It’s been an emotional day.” Cassandra nods knowingly and rubs my back with love.

Reagan immediately jumps into things. “That’s not all Mom was doing today. Show Aunt Cass the photos, Skylar.” Skylar is sitting next to Cassandra and shows her the morning photos. I’m just rolling my eyes and shaking my head.

Cassandra spits out her drink laughing. “Oh my god. Send me those. I may wallpaper my house with them.” Cassandra and my girls are all laughing.

“Get your laughs out of your systems, ladies. I’m the one that had a hot guy in my bed this morning after an evening of several orgasms.”

Cassandra and Skylar at the same time both blurt, “So did I,” and then they all start laughing again.

They gossip and giggle about the morning for another twenty minutes until it finally, mercifully ends.

Harley happily announces, “Jackson already asked Mom out on another date. Some black-tie fundraiser on Friday. He said he was excited to have the hottest date there.”

---