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PROLOGUE

DARIAN

“Baby, I don’t know how to be without you. How is it that you’re no longer by my side? Why did this happen to us?”

I sit with my elbows on my knees, looking at the fresh dirt that has just been thrown over my husband’s coffin. Tears are free falling from my eyes.

Now that I’m finally alone with him, I remove my sunglasses. I’m sure I look a mess, but I really don’t care. I’m only forty-five years old and my fifty-three-year-old husband dropped dead from a heart attack last week. I’m barely keeping my head above water.

“The service was standing room only. So many people love you and will miss you. I hope you know how much you’re loved. You were, and will always be, my everything. I’m forever thankful for the time we had together. I wish it didn’t end, but I will carry on for you. I will carry on your legacy through our children. I promise to come here every week and keep you up to date on everything going on with the girls and me. I can’t believe how much you’re going to miss in their lives.” I pause as more emotion overwhelms me. He’s going to miss so damn much.

“Harley, Reagan, and Skylar all spoke so beautifully about you. They adore you. I will make sure they never forget you; what an amazing husband you were to me, and father you were to them. We are all forever your girls.” I take a breath.

“Alan and Nelson spoke as well. They told a few funny high school-era stories that had everyone laughing in between their tears. All of your friends have been amazing to me. They promised to take care of us.”

I look back and I see my best friend Cassandra in a group embrace with my girls as they head back toward me. I needed a few minutes alone with Scott today after all of the insanity of the past few days. Cassandra has been an amazing friend, holding us all together, and making the necessary decisions when I couldn’t.

“Bye baby. I love you always. I’ll see you next Friday.” I blow him a kiss and turn as the girls return to me and hold me up, not sure I can even make it back to the car on my own. We hold each other up because we have to. Our rock is gone. Now we will have to be each other’s rocks.

We collectively head to the limo to begin our new life without Scott.

CHAPTERONE

3 YEARS LATER

DARIAN

“Hey, baby. I have some great news. We can officially call Harley a doctor. She is now Dr. Harley Lawrence. She’s passed her Boards and is starting her surgical residency this week.”

I smile as a think of her in preschool telling the teachers that she wanted to be a surgeon when she grew up. At a time when the girls all wanted to be ballerinas, she wanted to be a doctor. Not just any doctor. A surgeon.

“I’m so proud of her. I know you would be too. I’ll give her the letter you left for her for the day she officially became a doctor. She’s excited to read it. Those letters mean so much to the girls.” I pause and smile.

“You’d be proud of our babies, Scott. Reagan’s new store is thriving only one year into things. She has your savvy business mind. She’s already talking about franchising. Skylar’s final year of college has begun. She’s still trying to decide whether to get her MBA or jump right into business just like Reagan did. She’s leaning toward business school though. Just like her dad. I’m so thankful that they’re all close by.” I couldn’t have survived the last three years without them. I live for them.

“Crazy Cassandra is trying to get me to go out more with her, Gennifer, and Alexandra. We’ll see. I know I need to get back out there, but I just don’t know if I really want to. Do you think I need to get out of the house more? Do you have any thoughts on this?”

I look around searching for signs, but there’s nothing except peaceful silence. I would love to hear either some thunder, or maybe a few extra birds chirping, to know he hears me. Thunder for no, birds for yes. But I get nothing, per normal.

“Bye baby. I love you always. I’ll see you next Friday.” I blow him a kiss goodbye and head to my car. As I get there, my phone rings with the tone of Aerosmith’s “Crazy”. Skylar programmed that in my cellphone for me as Cassandra’s ring tone and it’s perfect.

“Hey, Cass.”

“What’s up, bitch?”

“Just leaving Scott and heading home.”

“I assume to shower and get ready to meet us out at Cover Me,” definitely said as a statement, not as a question.

“I don’t know, babe. I’m not sure I’m up for it yet.”

“Dare, you need to get out of your freaking house. It’s ridiculous.”

“I’m out of my house right now.”

“You know exactly what I mean. Going to talk to Scott doesn’t exactly count as getting out.”

“I go out on Monday nights, September through December.”

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