Page 88 of Indecent Ventures

“I know.”

We order drinks and absorb the sun. It’s nice and relaxing. At some point, I turn to her. “Will you tell me more about yourself growing up? You’re so tight-lipped about it.”

“Ugh. Why?”

“I want to know about you.” She’s damaged. I want to better understand it. “I know you had it rough. Tell me about it. Please.”

She lets out a breath. “It’s hard to grow up not knowing your father. I struggled with it. A lot. My mom is a short brunette. I was very fixated on not knowing the person I clearly resembled. I had a hard time not knowing where I came from.” She takes a sip of her drink. “My mom got clean when she found out she was pregnant with me, but she was a strung-out junkie before that, so it’s not like she ever had a stable job. She’s an artist, a talented one, but that doesn’t always translate into money. We moved a bunch of times because she couldn’t pay the rent and we’d get evicted.”

“And Declan didn’t help at all?”

“All I knew of Declan my first seven years was his name and one photo. He was completely absent from my life, physically, emotionally, and financially. He didn’t give a shit about me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. I imagine he regrets it. Drugs are powerful.”

“The love for a child should be more powerful. He made his choice. He chose drugs, not his daughter.”

“What was it like when he came back into your life?”

“Bad. Really bad. I didn’t accept him. Honestly, I tortured him for years. I punished him.” She sighs, “But at least we finally had a little money. As his photography career took off, he did give a lot to my mom. Way more than he probably needed to. We finally had a house and were able to stay in one place. I could finally stay in one school for more than a year. We had stability.”

“That means something, Jade. He cared. I know he cares about you. That’s evident.”

“Now. What about when Ireallyneeded him? What about father-daughter dances? What about having to move every six months? What about the fact that I constantly had to change schools and make new friends? By the way, it’s not easy to make friends when you have shit clothes, no father, and an eccentric mother that just isn’t quite like the rest.”

“You have a good relationship with your mom, right?”

“She’s a fucking saint. She’s ten years younger than my father. She was a twenty-two-year-old addict when she got pregnant with me. She got clean and scraped her way by for me. Everything she did was for me. Can you imagine how terrifying it would be for me right now if I were pregnant, with no significant other, no money, no job, no place to live, and no family? That was her reality, and she did her best. Every day, she did her best. And trust me, I was a fucking handful.”

I let out a laugh. “You still are.”

She smiles. “I know. Some things don’t change. She was a kid herself who made a lot of mistakes. She brought home loser after loser. If there was an unemployed asshole within fifty miles, she found him. I’m talking about countless guys who treated her poorly, loitered around the house, and stole from us. And we didn’t have much. That stopped at some point. My father even beat one of them senseless after he stole the television Dad had bought for us. I think that was the final straw for my mom. She then started dating her soon-to-be ex-husband. He’s vanilla and boring, but he had a real job and didn’t treat her like shit.”

“Wow. That’s rough. You and Declan are good now though, right? You seem it.”

“I suppose. I don’t know that I’ll ever completely trust him. I refused to call him Dad for years. But the year I lived with him and Melissa was amazing for our relationship. For the first time, Ireallygot to know him. Before that, it was a meal here and there. It’s not like he had custody rights. Melissa is the best thing that ever happened to him. She keeps him in check. He lacks control, but she manages to keep him under control. Her power over him is unreal.”

“And that’s the same timeframe you met all your cousins, right?”

She smiles. It’s so genuine. “Yes. I went from zero family, to a giant crazy one. A better one than I ever could have dreamed possible. I begged my dad for a long time to let me meet his family. He never would. But it finally happened, and I’m so thankful for them. Even something as simple as Christmas has changed dramatically for me. There was a time when it was me, my mom, and a shitty tree with two homemade gifts we could barely afford. I’m sure you can imagine what Christmas at Aunt Darian and Jackson’s is like. On my first Christmas with them, there were seventeen gifts for me under the tree.Seventeen. Do you have any idea what that means to a girl who grew up like I did?”

I never thought about it that way. I always had a lot of gifts under the tree. I grab her hand. “And you have so many people that look like you now. You went from no one that you resemble to practically a twin.”

Her face drops. She sits up in her chair and turns to me. “Collin, are you into me because I look like Reagan? I know you’re in love with her.”

I sit up and take her hands in mine. “I’m not in love with Reagan. I never was. Did I have a crush on her for a long time? Yes, I admit that I did. It’s not Reagan as much as it’s certain unique qualities about her that I’m attracted to. Do you possess some of them? Honestly? Yes, you do. I love that you don’t have a filter. I love that you always speak your mind. I love that you’re smart and driven. I love that you have backbone. I’m attracted to you because you possess those qualities. It doesn’t have anything to do with her. You said you used to notice me looking at her. Do you see it now?”

She shakes her head. “No, I don’t.”

“I know you don’t, because it’s not there anymore. I can honestly look you in the eyes and tell you that my crush is gone. You’re the only one I want to look at, Jade. On the flip side, I haven’t seen you look longingly at Carter in months. It’s not like you ever hid it, but it’s gone.”

She thinks for a moment. “You’re right. I don’t look at him. I no longer think of him that way. He doesn’t occupy my dirty thoughts anymore.”

“May I ask who does?”

“You know who it is. He’s tall, with longer hair, sexy scruff, a killer body, and dick built for sin. He’s the star of my dirty thoughts.”

“How dirty? Like,please take my assdirty?”

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