Page 116 of Indecent Ventures

“I’m not making up feeling like I’m getting stabbed in my lower back in the middle of the night, so no, I’m not kidding you. I was hoping it was indigestion, but it’s not. I’m definitely having contractions.”

I hear Skylar in the hallway. “Reagan, what’s wrong?”

Reagan turns her head. “I think I’m in labor. We need to go to the hospital. Now.”

I jump out of bed and walk toward the door. “I’ll pull the car up.”

Reagan looks me up and down. “Are you going in your boxer briefs with morning wood sticking out?”

I look down and attempt to cover myself with my hands. “Whoops. Sorry.”

She waves her hand. “Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Not one this big.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “You’ve been friends with Carter for thirty years. You must have seen him naked. You know he has the biggest penis on the planet. Like world-record-setting penis.”

“If there’s going to be a world record set, it will be by me.”

Skylar shakes her head. “You two are mentally ill. You’re in labor. Is this conversation really necessary?”

I nod. “She’s right.” I mumble, “My penis is just as big as his.”

Skylar yells, “Collin! Hurry up! Damn man child.”

I throw on sweatpants and a sweatshirt and run to get their Range Rover from the garage. I pull around to the front door.

Skylar is helping Reagan from the front door to the car when the ground below them gets a huge splash of liquid. It looks like a water balloon crashed in front of them.

I run to Reagan. “I think your water just broke.”

She looks down at herself. “No, it didn’t”

Skylar looks down. “Oh shit. That was me. My water just broke.”

Reagan turns to her and shakes her head. “You’re really determined to steal my thunder, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I planned this. I wanted my water to break right now, with Lance out of town, all to steal your precious thunder.”

“If you would keep your damn legs together, you wouldn’t be pregnant for the third time in three years.”

“I forgot how celibate you are. Remind me how many times a day you and Carter fuck in the office.”

I yell, “Ladies! We need to get to the hospital. I’m exceedingly talented with vaginas, but I can’t deliver your babies.”

They both nod and slide into the car. I fire off a text in the giant family text chat string that I was added to for the weekend. It’s actually a really funny chat. Trevor and Cassandra are hysterical. They shamelessly flirt and dirty talk as if no one else is on the text string.

Carter responds right away. He probably hasn’t slept while away, fearing this very scenario.

Carter: I just woke the pilot. We’ll be there as soon as we can. Reagan, I love you. Please tell Baby Daulton to wait for me.

My heart breaks a little. Please, God, don’t let him miss the birth of his first child. He deserves to be there for it.

Lance: Sweets, we’ll be there soon. I love you.

The cuteness is killing me. No one else responds. I assume they’re all sleeping. I pray Darian gets it soon. They need her at the hospital. They need Harley too.

I drive to the hospital in world-record time. I come to a screeching halt in front. I run in yelling that I need help. I grab the closest nurse. “Please. I have two women in labor in my car.”

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