Page 54 of Impossible Heir for the King

‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Niko said.

‘I’m sure you do—’

‘Stop it. I already know I’ve screwed up.’ He sighed heavily. ‘Bring me a bottle of whisky, will you?’

‘You might have another headache tomorrow, sir.’

Niko put the sea turtle down. ‘I’m quite sure I will.’

But once Aron had fetched the bottle and then left him alone Niko simply stared at the amber liquid. The path of his father when he’d lost his wife. The devastation of losing the love of his life had led him into such poor choices—self-medicating his suffering. Only suffering more. Causing suffering too—to Niko. To Aron. To himself.

Niko would not do the same.

His family weren’t fabulous at loving others healthily. His grandfather had failed to love his daughter, Lani. He’d failed to evenacknowledgeher.

He’d seen his father struggle to balance the expectations of his grandfather and the care his wife needed. And her accident had destroyed his father. But his mother had shown him the way forward, hadn’t she? She’d striven to teach him balance in their time here. Making him stop to rest and recharge in nature. To count the stones, to fish and appreciate the ocean’s bounty, to run in the sands where his ancestors had thrived for centuries.

But it had taken Maia to point that out to him. She had taken her sharp little knife and shaved away the pieces that he preferred to keep in place. She’d peeled away that protective layer with her challenge, her wit and her warmth. She’d left him exposed, revealing the truth of his loneliness. His hurt. His guilt. His fear.

And now he longed for the sweet balm of her body. He could bury himself in her and ignore the world. But that wasn’t enough for her. She wanted—and deserved—more. So he’d sent her away. He’d thought he was so honourable. Putting her well-being first. Letting her be ‘free.’ ‘Protecting’ her.

But she was right about that too.

He’d been protectinghimself. Hiding his heart. But she’d tried to fight for him. Only he’d been too blinded by fear to realise it.

But she didn’t think good things could just happen for her. She thought she had to work for them somehow—had to put herself on the line, had to be willing to acceptless.

Why won’t you compromise?

Why isn’t it enough?

He couldn’t agree to her outrageous concubine offer because it had feltwrong.Only now did he realise just why.

Sheshouldn’t have had to do that. She should haveeverything. The security and freedom to be found within love. She shouldn’t have tofightfor everything she wanted or needed. She should be given it. She never had though, had she? She’d never had the unconditional, unwavering love every person should have. She should always know just how deeply, how truly and how passionately she was loved. She should never doubt it.Ever.

He’d let her down so badly.

But she was strong, a survivor. She would be surviving just fine right now.Hewas the one who wasn’t.

He was sensitive. He had been distracting himself with safe affairs. He’d been avoiding the decisions about his future not because he didn’t want to hurt someone else, not because he didn’t want the emotional responsibility for someone else, but becausehedidn’t want to lose any more.Hewas hurt.

She’d thought he wanted her only because of the baby. That couldn’t be more wrong. But he’d not been brave enough to be honest with her. But the truth was he’d not gotten his balance back from the moment he’d stepped on board that boat. She’d upended his world. Not the baby. But Maia herself. And baby or not, he wanted Maia. He missed Maia. He loved Maia.

And he wanted her back.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ITWASAgood thing Pax had gone to the other side of the world. He’d be apoplectic about the risk he’d consider Niko was currently taking. No bodyguard. Economy class as incognito as he could. Then public transport. He’d have driven himself to the apartment but he’d not slept at all on the flight and knew it would be dangerous to drive. But he got there and it was with a mix of terror and relief that he finally knocked on the door.

There was no answer. He knocked again. Waited. Then let himself in.

‘Maia?’ he called and checked every room with increasing desperation. He’d wanted to see her so badly and she wasn’t here. In the end he sank onto the sofa in the lounge, setting the sea turtle on the small table in front of him. He’d wait. But he’d not slept the whole flight. He’d been planning everything he wanted to say—not daring to imagine her response—so desperate to see her, but he’d not imagined that she wouldn’t be here. Now he didn’t know where she was and itsucked. He pressed his hands to his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the stinging disappointment and sheer desolation.

‘Niko?’

Oh great. Now he was hallucinating.

‘What are you doing here?’

---