Page 58 of Resisting Her Playboy Boss

‘So this is my fault?’

It wasallher fault. ‘You didn’t care about me enough to wonder where I was or whether I was okay.’

She paled; her blue eyes weren’t sparkling, but glistening. ‘It never occurred to me you might not be okay.’

‘No, you just thought the worst of me. That I’d let you down.’ He breathed in hard and honesty—responsibility—slammed into him. Because he knew exactly why she’d not followed up with her call—she’d been afraid, yet certain, of his rejection. ‘And you were right, that’s exactly what I’d decided to do.’

Yeah, his chest burned. He saw the horror in her eyes at the sight of his bruises. But he couldn’t win this that dirty after all. He didn’t want to win her through sympathy. Her guilt was a hollow, bitter victory. He didn’t want pity. He didn’t want her to feel bad or obligated. He just wanted her to love him the way he loved her. But she deserved the truth. Even if it meant he might lose her.

‘The accident doesn’t matter,’ he said huskily. ‘I wasn’t going to be there anyway.’

‘What do you mean you weren’t going to be there?’ She’d backed up to the wall, as far from him as she could get.

‘I’d decided to end it. I was texting you to say I wasn’t coming when the accident happened.’

‘You were texting while driving?’ she screeched, anger flooding back.

‘Actually I was in the back of a taxi.’

She stared at him and as the seconds ticked he didn’t just see the pain he’d inflicted on her, he felt it himself. Her hurt was his—because his heart was hers.

‘Why are you telling me this?’ Ellie had suffered too many shocks already. She didn’t get what the guy wanted or why he was here.

‘I want to be honest with you. I want to clear this up.’

Clear it up? As inover? Hadn’t she just tried to do that? What was with the torment?

‘I don’t want to be friends with you, Ellie. I want a relationship with you.’ He looked less than impressed about it. ‘I can’t get you out of my head,’ he growled.

She had no sympathy—nothing left to give in the face of this. ‘Maybe you need to try harder.’

‘Ellie.’ He shook his head, his voice low. ‘I can’t stay away from you.’

‘You can’t stay away fromsex.That’s all it is.’

‘No, that is not all it is,’ he shouted back. ‘We hadn’t had sex inweeks.’ He drew breath—the damn cracked rib kept poking him, forcing the honesty. ‘Yes, that was a big part of it at first. But then it was you.Allof you.’

She wasn’t buying it. ‘You only did the calls because you were frustrated that I hadn’t put out. I was the challenge—and once you’d conquered me up on that mountain you weren’t interested any more.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Well, what is it you want from me, then?’ Oh, she hurt. So hurt. But she couldn’t be second best. Not when he’d become her everything.

‘Ellie.’ His voice broke. He leaned back against her door, his body completely rigid, every muscle straining as he pressed his fists to his chest. ‘I can’t sleep. I’m barely eating. I can’t concentrate on anything at work. I haven’t for weeks. I don’t want to be thisobsessed.I’ve always been totally one track, but, now,you’rethe track. And I can’t fight it any more. I don’t care about anything else. All I care about is being with you.’ He scrubbed his hands through his hair. ‘But I’ve never had a relationship actually work for more than five minutes. And I can’t...’ He sighed. ‘You deserve more than I can give you.’

Ellie stared at him—stunned and uncomprehending. ‘Why do you think you can’t give me what I need?’

‘I’ve never been able to before,’ he said harshly. ‘And I’ve never wanted to. I hate feeling so out of control.’ He straightened away from the door, and awkwardly walked to her lounge. ‘My parents’ relationship limited them. Neither achieved their ambitions. Dad had his dreams but they hardly got off the ground. They were too tied up with each other.’

‘Is that so bad?’

‘I know they were happy,’ he admitted. ‘And maybe because of the way the world viewed them they were an even tighter unit. But it was frustrating.’ He hobbled about her lounge, not looking at her. ‘We came out here when I was six. I had this French accent, an ancient dad and I loved him. But he bought this wreck of a property and said he was going to turn it into achateau.’ Ruben laughed painfully. ‘He drew up these awesome plans. But that was about as far as he got.’

‘So you did it for him.’ Ellie knew this but she thought she had it all now. ‘But you really think their relationship held your father back from achieving anything else?’

He winced. ‘Not just him, they were both hopeless that way. No one can have it all. And if you want to do something you’re better to be free to get on with it.’

‘But maybe neither of themwantedto achieve those dreams that much. Maybe your father was just enjoying being a husband and a dad—you said yourself he never thought it was going to happen. Maybe he wanted to spend that timeimagininghis dreams with you—rather thannotspending that time with you as he made them a reality. I’m sure he’d be thrilled with what you’ve done, but I don’t know that he’d be so pleased with how you’ve isolated yourself to do it.’

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