All of that came back to haunt her when she missed her period. And then another. When she was forced to take that first pregnancy test, and when she opted to keep it a secret.
The first day she threw up in the morning was the day that she knew. The day that she knew she couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.
“I’m pregnant.”
Maren had simply nodded.
“I know.”
Maren would have made the better mother. They both knew it. But Maren wouldn’t be this careless.
“How?”
“Nearly imperceptible differences with your appearance. But noticeable all the same. Plus, you seem sad. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
She had kept right on not knowing until she had felt it was too late to make any sort of drastic decision.
Maybe she’d done that on purpose. For she was not an indecisive person by nature.
In general, she was extremely confident. Always knew what she wanted the minute choices were presented to her.
She had known that she wanted Ewan from the moment she’d seen him.
So she’d had him.
But she couldn’t imagine a baby. And maybe that was the most difficult part. What a baby made by her and him might look like.
She couldn’t fathom it.
And maybe in the end that was why she hadn’t decided to end the pregnancy. Because it was a mystery. Because it was something she hadn’t anticipated.
Because in many ways she had finally caught herself.
And anyway, what were they doing out here? They were starting a new life.
She had intended to go to school. To find something she wanted to study, a job she wanted to do. She was interested in so many things...
But she had all the money she could possibly need, and now she was going to...be a mother.
She wasn’t entirely certain she was maternal. She and Maren had barely known their mother, and she had been deeply uninterested in them.
Their father was evil. She knew whatnotto be.
And again, perhaps that was why she thought maybe... Just maybe it would be worth having this child.
Except now it was in the paper, and she wondered ifhewould see it.
He may not do anything.
He didn’t appear to want children. He had given up the estate in the interest of disavowing his bloodline, after all. He hated his father.
As for her...
He was too much for her. On top of all of this, the reality of knowing she was going to be a mother, she couldn’t take him on with it.
He did things to her. He made her feel things.