Page 58 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

“I know you’re wondering why I’m here,” Mom says, speaking to Amy and me as if we’re little kids about to be told Santa isn’t real. “All of you,” she says with a look toward Dad.

Judging by the ring on her left ring finger, I know this isn’t some attempt at getting the family back together. I’m sure as soon as the dust settled from the divorce, Malcolm and Mom got married. It breaks my heart that she left Dad, and, for some other perverse reason, it breaks my heart I didn’t get to see her get married again.

I would have taken any amount of Mom over none at all. Even if she’s a traitor.

“I want…to patch things up,” Mom says with a weak smile.

Out of the corner of my eye, Dad visibly winces.

“I know that things between you and me are forever altered, Kent. I took that risk and I know I need to pay for that for…well, as long as you would like me to,” she says to Dad.

“I feel like you should know that you’re going to be atoning for that as long as you live,” Amy pipes up with a sassy cock of her head.

“Amy,” Dad scolds.

“What?! She’s–” Amy stops speaking when Dad looks at her just a bit harder. He has never wanted us to fight his fight for him. After all, we have our own grudges against our mother. I can only imagine the shame that he’s felt over the years of being abandoned by our mother. Perhaps he thinks we see him as less of a man. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

But none of this has ever made sense.

“It’s alright,” Mom says. She dares to reach out and touch Dad on the knee.Tenderly. The way they used to. A fire alights inside me. How dare she touch him like that? “I know they have an allegiance to you. How could they not after everything I’ve done?” She looks back to Amy and me. “All I’m asking for is a chance.”

“To do what?” I ask. I might have hugged her and enjoyed her embrace. But she’s no longer the mom who used to tend to me in the middle of the night after a bad dream or the one I would look for at school pickup.

She abandoned us. I can never trust her again.

“Well, to get to know you all again. Maybe even be in your lives.” Mom swallows, the diamond necklace on her neck shifting against her collarbone. Damn, Dad always did well for us, but Malcolm must be swimming in it. “I know Gillian has a daughter of her own now.”

I feel a tickling in the pit of my stomach. I might have my own soon as well.

“And you write books for children,” she says to Amy with a beaming, proud smile. “You’re on the radio, Harley. And…” She trails off. “I know I haven’t been in touch, but I’ve never been very far. I’ve always kept my eye on you.”

“The least you could do…” Amy says under her breath.

I glance at Dad. He’s hidden his face in his hand, leaning on the arm of his chair. He’s learned how to be a covert crier over the years, hiding his heartbreak from all of us girls whenever he can. I can’t imagine how he feels right now. “How do you suppose we go about getting to know each other again?” I ask, more vitriol in my voice than intended.

“Well…I know it will take a while, but–”

“Are you living in LA now? Because I think do undo the years of damage you’ve done, it might take longer than a two-week vacation to Malibu.”

“Harley…” Dad warns, but he doesn’t have the strength like he did earlier. He’s waning.

“I’m sorry, Dad, but I’m not going to sit here and let these platitudes somehow make up for the past ten years.” I stare at my mother with laser-beam focus. “Ten years you’ve been gone. Not so much as a word or a phone call.”

Mom’s eyebrows jump.

“How can you possibly make up for that now?”

“Harley,please, don’t make this–” Dad tries to tame me again, but Mom intercedes quickly.

“She’s always been the outspoken one. I expected this,” she says with…is that a smile? “Harley, you might not know the power of shame quite yet, but–”

“I’m a grown-ass woman. Don’t tell me I don’t know the power of shame.” This is my interview with Grant all over again. Being infantilized and condescended to. What is it about me that makes people believe I’ve had it so easy in my life? Why do people assume I haven’t been hurt? “I know how it can eat you from the inside out.”Just like my relationship with Grant and this unplanned pregnancy is doing right now. “That’s not a good enough reason not to speak toyour children.” My voice wavers at the end there. It’s too much.

My mother’s face screws together tightly. No amount of Botox can hide how my words have stabbed her in the gut. “I’ve made mistakes, Harley. I didn’t handle things as well as I should have back then. Haven’t handled them well in the past ten years. If it takes ten years or more for me to patch things up, well…” The throws up her hands and slaps them against her thighs. “That’s what I’ll do.”

Amy reaches for my hand and squeezes it. We’re thinking the same thing. I just know it.

Something here just isn’t right. Whynow?

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