Page 88 of Unravel

“Oh!”Ifeel out of my own body suddenly. “You’releaving?When?”

“Ifthis works out, a few weeks maybe.”

He’sleaving, and he isn’t ever coming back.Notto you.Notto me.Luke’swords hit me with a one-two punch.

AsIlook intoEvan’seyes, it’s difficult to discern if that is the truth, butIfeel dread in my gut.Everyhair stands on end as the realization sinks in.Evenif it’s not true,Lukeis right about whatImust do.

“Idon’t want you to go.”

Evanlifts my hand and kisses the knuckle above the ring. “It’snot forever.We’vemade a promise.”

That’sright, he promised.Hewould not have given me a ring if he didn’t mean it.It’shis grandmother’s ring forHeaven’ssake.Hislips move up my arm, butIfeel likeI’mtwo steps behind him, as if time is moving slower for me than for the rest of the world.

Evanloves me.

Hisfinger slips under the strap of my gown.Itslides off my shoulder.Ilie back in his hands as he takes my nipple in his mouth.Thepull of his lips is like a drug.Itfeels so good, right, and wrong, in the same breath.Hehas made my body his.I’mnot justOlivia’smother.I’mEvan’slover.

Myfingers weave through his dark hair.Ican almost hear the days ticking away, the hours, the minutes when all this will end.Mybody will still be his even though he won’t be here.

Thering captures the light as he moves to my other breast.

“Ilove you,” slips from my lips.Myvoice sounds hoarse.

Hehums and continues to suckle.Italways seems to hypnotize him.Heloses himself when we’re like this.Ialways lose myself too, butIcan’t anymore.

Somethingis creeping over me like the shadows as the sun sets.Iteven feels cold.Icling closer to him, trying to hold on to his warmth.ThenIfeel the fissure.Itfeels the same as the oneIfelt fromLuke’sreaction to the news thatIwas pregnant.Justa crack at first, until the crack runs deeper.

“Ican’t.”

Nothingchanges.Heremains lost to me.Igently push his face from my breast.WhenIsee my milk on his lips,Ithink how twisted this really is, as ifI’mseeing it outside of myself, from someone else’s point of view.God, howIlove it.Ilove it so fucking much, this thing between us, and the hints of more.Heconfessed some of his dark desires to me, and the only reasonIhaven’t indulged is because my own freedom is limited.

Soon.Ikept telling myself that soonEvanandIcould explore and play, and no one would have to know.

“Ican’t,”Ifinally choke out.

“Can’twhat?” he finally asks.

“You’releaving,”Istate, but it does nothing except confuse him more.

Ipull my gown back on and sit up.Heshifts to his knees on the floor before me.Withmy hands,Igently hold his face, taking in the manIlove.Heis handsome and complicated.Tearsdrop from my eyes like rain.

“Ilove you so much, baby, butIcan’t.”

Hisbrows pinch together. “Can’twhat?”

“Ican’t let you make a promise you’re not even sure you can keep.”

Hisfingers wrap around my wrists.

“Rachel, you’re scaring me.”

Idrop my hands and look one last time at the beautiful promise he made to me.WhenIbegin to pull the ring from my finger, he shoves my hands away and sits back on his heels.

“No.Stopit!Whatare you doing?”

Itake his hand and press the ring to his palm.Someof my tears fall there too.

“I’mletting you go,Evan.Releasingyou from your promise so you can really be free.”

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