Page 66 of The Biggest Sacrifice

“It means stop stringing her along if you’re not ready.”

“You don’t know me. You don’t know what I feel about her!” I feel Billy’s hand on my forearm.

“Tone it down, brother.”

Cash steps up closer to me. “You’re right. I don’t know, but I know what I see. And I see a complete one-eighty turn around from the guy I originally met. And it’s fake. I see a woman who’s desperately in love with someone she doesn’t know. You’re pretending to be okay and it’s not doing anyone any good. She deserves more than that, and so do you.”

“What did she tell you?” I glance behind him and see her watching us with a worried look. It kills me to know I’m doing this to her. I just promised her I would let her in. Promised I’d tell her. Promised it’d be us.

My mouse. The one who’s been a steady force for me through it all when she didn’t know a thing. And me, her lion. I scoff to myself, lion my ass. King of the Jungle? Hardly. I’m the weakest one out there.

“She hasn’t said anything more than you have. But I’ll tell you, she’s all in with you, Tom, and if you aren’t going to give heryourall, then get out now.”

CHAPTER 39

FARRAH

I knowwhat’s happening at the pool table is anything but a conversation about pool. Even from across the bar, I can see the tension rolling off of Tommy. Cash doesn’t look too happy either. And Billy acting like a bodyguard has my senses heightened.

His comment about jumping in his grave has me so uneasy, I just want to leave. The hush that fell across the table was sudden and strange. And when they left, the conversation felt even more strange.

Thank God for Britt and her ridiculousness because she had the table moving along with a fresh round of “let’s pick on Bobby”. If I didn’t already know she treats him like a king, I’d wonder what really goes on in that house.

I didn’t lose sight of the three of them, and once Tommy connected eyes with me, I knew there was something more.

He’s pleading with me to save him.

Standing, I excuse myself from the table and head towards them standing at the pool table. Noticing his shoulders drop as I get closer gives me the courage to keep going. I never want to intrude, never knowing when I should step up or not, especially now since Tommy has been all over the emotional grid.

Walking right up to him, I place my hand on his back. “Can I play?” I smile at the three of them, trying to feel out the situation.

“We’re going home, Farrah.”

Furrowing my brows at Tommy, “You’re leaving?”

“No. We’re leaving.” He takes the keys Billy is holding, takes my hand and without another word, leads me past them, past the bar and tables and out the front door. I don’t worry about stopping for my purse or phone. I know the girls will grab it. Right now, he needs me.

He opens my door, letting me into the passenger seat of Billy’s truck, then runs around to the driver’s side and gets in. But he doesn’t start the engine. We sit quietly in the dark parking lot, our breathing the only sound.

“There’s so much more out there for you, Farrah. Someone who isn’t broken.”

“Tom, why are you fighting this so hard? By keeping bottled up whatever it is you think I can’t handle, you’re giving it a bigger life than it should have. Give it to me, Tommy. Why sacrifice your life? Your love? You’re allowed to be happy, too.”

When he doesn’t answer me, I turn in my seat and face him.

“Have I told you the story from when we were kids? The moment I knew you were different. You and Billy were freshmen in high school. Us girls were still in junior high. Adam used to go crazy protecting you, but what else is new, right? And then you and Billy both passed him in height. It didn’t last long before he caught up and passed you, but for about two months, you were the bigger little brother. But Adam still felt that sense of duty to protect you. You guys were on the football field and some of the Seniors were rough housing with you. In spite of being smaller than you, they had an air of toughness because of their age. Adam shouted for them to stop and then they turned on him. Billy was ready to kick ass.

“Sitting in the stands, Chess, Britt and I saw him take off his helmet and throw his jersey to the ground. You know, the usual chaos that surrounds Billy. Even the coach couldn’t rein him in. The other seniors were really getting loud with Adam by this point. I watched you become a solid man that day. You were fourteen, and you knew you could crush them, but you didn’t. You gently calmed Billy with a hand on his shoulder and a whisper in his ear. I’d love to know what you said to him. But the look Billy gave you was everything I needed to know. It was gratitude and respect. It was like whatever you whispered resonated instantly with him. And then you approached the seniors.

“Jackson had joined in too, but you were slow moving, easy to talk to, and ended the whole situation with one sentence. You proved you could be powerful without having to crush the weak to make them see that power. On that day, you taught everyone there that choosing between right and wrong will guard you from danger and that decisions are essential in life. That handling it is just a matter of perspective. I knew that day you’d grow to be something special. A natural protector. Where Adam forced everyone into line and forced them to listen to him, you attained that dominance by default. People gravitate toward you because you make them feel safe. Power doesn’t come from being the loudest, power comes from knowing weakness, first.”

“Tommy, you’ve experienced weakness and you’re trying not to ever know it again. I get it. There’s nothing good about feeling weak. But you have a chance to change it now. You can give me some of that weakness to hold for you. I’m strong enough to do it, Tom. You just won’t stop to let me. You’ve never considered what I can do for you. And it’s not just sex. The physical is great, and we are great together, but there’s so much more. There’s love, connection, intimacy. I need that from you, Tommy. I don’t want a prince riding on a white horse and I definitely don’t need a savior. I just need you. I don’t want the pretty side. I want the real side. I want the wild, the pieces that can never be tamed.Thoseare what I yearn for. Let me in. Unload the guilt. Unload the hurt. Unload the disappointment. And look forward. With me.”

CHAPTER 40

Tom

She knowssomething isn’t right. I’ve been distant. I’m trying not to, but I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this. It’s the first time I’ve had to spend the day knowing other people know why it’s a shit day. The anniversary of JT’s death, the anniversary of the day I fucked up and ruined so many lives.

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