Page 62 of The Biggest Sacrifice

CHAPTER 37

Farrah

He’s saying a lot,but still not telling me anything. Working through what he’s got running through his mind is hard, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do to let him know I’m here. The comfort I’ve been giving hasn’t opened any new dialogue. The physical aspect of our relationship has always been the number one spot, and besides the mention of his scar, that’s as far as I got with any new information.

Billy knows. So does Cash. Neither will say a word to me. Which is fine. I know they’re protecting him. I wouldn’t expect any less. But Cash surprises me. He was my friend first, he was on my side, if you can call it that, but now things are weird. He’s upset with me for committing to Tommy. He knew that’s what was on my heart all along. As my friend, it seemed he went to bat for me. He spoke with Tommy, got him to talk about what’s been going on but now everyone has a secret.

Tonight we’re going to Moose’s. It’s been a long week and Jackson has rounded everyone up to hang out. Cash text the group chat he’s working until nine but said he’d come by later. For some reason, that makes me uneasy about the situation tonight.

Tommy has been acting weird for the last few days. After he gave me more than I had ever expected, he shut down. It was almost like he said too much and now regrets it. And that makes me feel horrible. It makes me second guess everything all over again, because I think he’s second guessing us.

Second guessing me.

This is exactly what I told him could not happen this time around. I would not be used and pushed aside. I would not sit back and let him dictate how our relationship was presented to his family and to me. If he wants me, wants us, he’s got to do everything differently.

The secret he’s keeping is becoming bigger than us as a couple. We’re meant for so much more.

I won’t settle for less anymore.

We met over at Britt’s house so we could take as few cars as possible. The mood was light and fun, but I sensed Tommy was anything but. He was laughing with the guys, but it was stiff. Maybe they all couldn’t see the change, but I did. When he entered the room and saw me, he came right over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was out of the ordinary, but I didn’t let on that anything was different. I didn’t want to upset him before the night even began.

“Alright, Casanova Clan andguests.” Billy spits the word and looks pointedly at Jackson.

“Please. The only guest around here is Cash.”

“Stop it! He’s not here to defend himself!” Francesca calls out.

“Whatever. I’ll make sure he knows what I think.” Billy looks at me and winks. Tom sees it and I watch as his hands clench and his body goes rigid. I’ve no idea what that means, but I don’t like it. Something happened this week and I don’t know how to approach it because he won’t tell me anything.

Reaching for his hand, I work my fingers through his clenched fist until it loosens, and he takes mine. “Come on, let’s get out of here. Ladies! Are we ready?” I try to break the tension that’s radiating from him right now.

“Born ready, baby!” Britt hollers and the noise level increases as we all head for the door and call which car we’re riding in. I slow our walk down and lean in.

“You okay?”

He won’t look at me, just continues to look straight ahead as we get to the door.

“Yup.”

I pull him to a stop. “Tommy. What’s going on?”

He pauses, not looking at me, that vacant look taking over his face once again. Only when I squeeze his hand does he turn and look at me. I search his eyes for the Tom I know is inside and, with a blink, he appears. His frown lines disappear, his eyes brighten, and his lips pull into a smile.

“Nothing, mouse. Come on, let’s grab the third row.” He waggles his eyebrows and pulls me into the car. I let out the breath I was holding, but I’m not getting comfortable yet.

Cash was right. There are bigger demons here at play and Tommy is slipping.

* * *

The night startedout just fine. We occupied the two tables in the back. We ordered some bar food, enjoyed some drinks and sang along to the jukebox. Tommy sat beside me with his arm on the back of my chair. Every so often, he’d touch my shoulder, play with my hair. He was letting me know he was present. I welcomed it and was thankful for it. I placed my hand on his thigh and he widened his legs, and let that smirk crawl across his lips.

“Adam, was it a coincidence that Dominic was nicknamed Dom? Like, were you trying to tell us all something about your secret life?”

Billy and his nonsense are an ever present icebreaker and I’m thankful for his mouth sometimes. You never know what’s going to come from it. I feel Tommy shake with laughter next to me, presumably at Adam’s face that has a look of disgust on it.

“What? It’s a genuine question!” He sinks back into his chair and sighs. “I love doing this to him.” Billy elbows Adley like she’s one of the guys and I have to laugh. He leans in like he’s whispering to her, but he’s speaking loud enough for the table to hear. “I honestly lay in bed at night and think of all kinds of fucked up shit to say to each one of my siblings. Anything that earns a reaction from them is amazing.”

Adley leans in next to him, mimicking his move, but patting him on the leg. “We know you crave attention, BJ.”

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