Page 60 of The Biggest Sacrifice

However, this year feels different. Maybe it’s because Cash is here. Maybe because I know somehow JT arranged that meeting between us. And having Cash live this day to day with me has been a comfort. So much so that, though I feel the pull downwards as the date gets closer, I don’t think I’ll hit bottom because he’s here with me.

So, instead of waiting for my phone to ring, I made the call this year.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Jamie.”

Complete silence. I check my phone to make sure I’m still connected. “Jame?”

“Tom?”

“It’s me. Can you hear me okay?” More silence for a moment. “Jamie?”

“Ye-Yes. Tom, I’m here. I’m sorry, I’m just shocked to hear from you. Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine. I just figured I’d beat you to the call this year.” Huffing out a tiny laugh, hoping to ease the tension, I wait for the panic to overcome me.

It doesn’t come.

“Well, I’m happy to hear from you.” She chuckles. “Your sure you’re okay? You sound…different.”

“Four words and you can tell I sound different?”

“Yes!”

Shaking my head. “What’s going on? How are things back home?”

She delves into all the happenings of the past year. I know she’s dying to mention JT’s name, but she avoids doing so. I’ve got her trained to tiptoe around me, regarding anything about him, and it’s not fair. My own emotional trauma has been strangling all of my relationships with everyone around me.

“Jamie, I know this is out of the blue, but are you free tomorrow? I’d like to come visit. I’ve already checked flights. There’s an early one out tomorrow morning, and if I jump on the red eye home, I’ll be back for my shift the next day.”

There’s another long pause where I think she may have hung up on me. “Jame? You’re giving me a complex with the silent treatment!”

“I’m here.” Her voice is soft. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

Swallowing down my own hurt along with the hurt I’ve caused others, “I know. I wasn’t really expecting it either, but there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

* * *

The sun was just comingup over the trees while driving to the airport early this morning. I didn’t have time to think about going. I just quickly packed a bag with a change of clothes and shot Billy a text. I know he’ll understand and cover for me for twenty-four hours. The flight was uneventful and before I know it, I’m hailing a cab to the small ranch home on the dead-end street of JT’s hometown.

All the emotion I’ve been juggling the last few weeks surfaces again. And when Jamie flies out her front door, meeting me as I get out of the cab, I let it all out. Catching her in a hug, we openly sob together, until we laugh at how pathetic we look.

“I know JT is watching us right now, calling me a pussy for crying.”

“You’re right. And he’s probably yelling at you to quit hugging his girl for so long.”

“He was a jealous prick.” Leaving my arm wrapped around her, I pick up my bag and we walk into her house. It looks the same as it did four years ago, the one and only time I was here. I remember everything about that day, down to the temperature and smell of the cookies she was baking. Today is the same, only without the panic.

“Have a seat. I’ll bring us some coffee.”

She disappears into the kitchen and I poke around the room looking at all the pictures she still has up of him. There’s one of her and JT dressed up for the Marine Corp Ball. Another of JT and his parents at what must be their house in front of the Christmas tree. I scan the collage of random ones of mostly her and him together until I stop on one of him and Cash. They’ve got their arms wrapped around each other’s necks, big goofy grins across their face and they’re standing in front of an old chevy pickup truck.

“That’s JT’s cousin, Cassius.” I snap my head around at the sound of her voice.

“Cassius?” I choke out a laugh and she tsks me.

“That’s usually the reaction he gets at his name. He goes by Ca-”

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