Page 44 of The Biggest Sacrifice

I feel the tears run down my face and my shoulders shake.

“Tom? Cash! Is he sick? What’s going on?”

I hear Cash stand from the chair. He’s got the groaning going on, too, and then I sense him in front of me. His being here is making it so much harder to keep the tears back.

“He’s going to be fine, Billy. It’s just the asshole attitude leaving his body.”

I grunt a laugh and wipe my face, trying to focus on both Cash and Billy.

“Bro? Talk to me.”

Billy’s pleading tone is all it takes. He’s been begging for anything from me, a sliver of the truth, a crumb of reality, anything he can get to understand and try to make it better for me. I owe him this.

I owe them all this.

And so, I spill it all. I let him in. I tell him about JT. I tell him about that night, leaving out details he doesn’t need. I tell him how I’ve been using Farrah and how I’ve been keeping my family at a distance. And I tell him about Cash and JT’s connection. And now mine and Cash’s connection.

“This is completely crazy. Cash, you had no idea? You just happened to end up in the same town as him?” Billy is wary about this situation and I understand it. I felt the same way at first.

“Bill, I swear it. I know it sounds unbelievable. But don’t you believe in something bigger than yourself?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t be here if I didn't.”

“Then you know I was led here.”

We’re all quiet for a moment, letting this sink in.

“Billy, I could never put it into words. I didn’t know how to make you understand and I still don’t. I don't know how to process it now and I didn’t know how to work through it, then. So I just kept going back. I just kept trying to make it up to JT. I had to watch over the others. I had to make it right.”

Billy moves closer and Cash hasn’t left his spot in front of me, they move in close and let me get it all out. “Make it right, here. We’ve been waiting for this. You aren’t fooling anyone, Tom. We just didn’t know how to help. No one wanted to push for fear of pushing you away again. Afraid you were going to look for another way out. I told you, Tom, I need you here with me. But whoever has been here with me isn’t my brother. I needyou.”

“He’s coming back. He’s making his way. He sees what it means to have that second chance. Guilt is strong, but you can’t let it control you. And you also can’t bury it. You allow yourself to feel, to grieve, and then you move the fuck on. If JT was here, you know what he’d say.”

Cash hits me with that smirk that so closely resembles JT, now that I can make the connection. I close my eyes and huff a small laugh, hearing his snarky voice in my head. ‘I’m between a rock and someone I’d like to hit with it. Keep crying and it’s gonna be you.’

Yeah, I know exactly what he’d say.

“Got a rock?”

CHAPTER 25

TOM

After I kickedmy brother and Cash out of my house, I took a long, hot shower. I let years and years of guilt, sadness, and anger wash off of me. I know this will be a long process, but I have to start somewhere. Starting last night with Cash was unexpected, but since I’m feeling particularly sentimental and superstitious, I’d go as far as to say JT set up our whole meeting. I have no doubt he had a hand in it.

My second dayof bootcamp is shaping up to be a shitshow. I won’t lie. I’m having second thoughts about this whole military thing right now. My body has never hurt so badly, nor have I been so mentally exhausted. When they told me the Marine Corps would break me down and rebuild me, they really meant it. It’s four in the morning and we’ve been running for almost twenty-five minutes already.

“Don’t fucking fall behind, you pussy. I’m not doing extra because you can’t cut it.”

In my peripheral vision, I see a guy come up alongside me. I can barely breathe as it is, but I choke out, “Fuck off.”

He gives a laugh but continues speaking. “Names’ Tomlin. Who’re you?”

“Casanova.”

He whistles. “Casanova, huh? You got all the ladies lining up for you?” When I don’t answer, he laughs. “Oh, I get it. You’re a virgin. With a name like that? What a disappointment you must be to your old man.”

Is this guy for real? I can’t even get away from him since we’re running in formation.

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