Page 15 of The Biggest Sacrifice

She stands and saunters off to the pool table. I narrow my eyes as I see Cash open his arms wide as she steps in.

“You fucked up.” Billy is in my ear.

“No, I didn’t. Farrah’s mine. She’s always been mine.”

“Maybe.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Shewas yoursuntil you left her one too many times.”

“Bullshit. He’s shit to her.”

“Just saying, it may not be that guy, but it will be another if you can’t get it together.”

I turn to him. “And what do you know about it? I’ve no idea what kind of thing you have going on with Adley.”

His face takes on a shadow. “At least I stayed.”

Ice runs through my veins as I listen to my twin cut me to the core and walk away. Everyone is against me for leaving, but they don’t know what I’ve been through. Why I needed to go. Or why it is so hard to stay, the guilt eating me at every turn. Every thought. Every nightmare. How do I replace that guilt with love and contentment of home when he won’t ever have that chance again?

CHAPTER 9

TOM

“Sanders and Marotti,line the gate east of here. It’s quiet, but check it out and then circle back. If nothing pops on the radio in the next hour or so, you can head back to the base.”

I get silent nods and they take off walking.

“What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home again?” Tomlin asks my crew.

“Fuck my wife. My hand is taking a beating here.” Mack waits for the groans from all of us. “Pun intended, boys!”

I grin to myself. These guys are such horn dogs. They act like it’s their first time away, and that it's been years since they’ve had a woman but the dramatics is what keeps us all going. The humor is needed to dispel the day-to-day monotony of being over here.

“What about you, Gunny? Got yourself a girl yet? Or maybe a man?” He asks slyly.

I cut him a glare. I don’t share my personal life and they know it. But something about tonight makes me want to.

“I got a girl.” I reply roughly.

“Oooooh.” They all coo. “I knew it! You’re different this time around! Come on, share with the class! Don’t be greedy!”

They’re just messing around, but hearing them asking me to share Farrah makes me see red.

“I. Don’t. Share.”

They chuckle. “Leave him alone guys or we’ll end up on kitchen clean up duty.”

“Smart man, now get to work,” I grunt out and walk back towards the CP while they head out on their detail.

Hearingmy front door open and close pulls me back to the present. I’m sitting on the couch of my screened-in porch. My house looks exactly the way it did when I left. I’ve no doubt my mom has been coming here weekly, cleaning and keeping the dust away. Someone left the windows cracked so that when I came back, there was no stale smell. I also found a few baby toys laying around, so I’m sure Adam or Chelsea were here hanging out, taking care of the place as well.

I owe a lot to my family. They’ve always stepped in and filled my role when I left. I knew it was a lot, but they seemed to do it seamlessly. That ate at me too. To me, it looked like it was simple to replace me, but I understand they had to invest additional effort in the actual duties of taking care of things. Mix that with the emotional toll of being uncertain of my safety, and waiting for me to come home, the guilt I carried just continued to pile up.

When I told them I had enlisted and was leaving for bootcamp, it was a shock. I don’t think anyone had any idea that’s where I would end up. I had worked with my dad all throughout high school and I think they assumed I would step in and be a part of House O’ Love Construction, along with my brothers.

But that wasn’t big enough for me. Yes, I wanted to stay and help the family, but I needed more as well. I needed to findme. That decision changed Billy’s avenue, as well. I have a ton of guilt for what he went through in my absence. He wasn’t ready for me to leave. And when I did, he spiraled. He hit bottom almost two years to the day after I left. That sorrow still eats at me, as well. If I had lost my brother, too? I wouldn’t have made it. I would have ruined my entire family with my one selfish choice.

“Bro?”

“Back here, Bill.”

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