Page 13 of The Biggest Sacrifice

I want to. But I’m not going to. We’re not Tommy and Farrah anymore.

“No, you make him work for it!” Britt yells as she walks into the room and whistles, “Yes, girl, make him fucking fall at your feet!”

I laugh at her craziness. Britt is the ultimate hype girl that every woman needs in her corner. “Will you all stop!” I cry out.

“Okay, ladies, let’s calm it down.” Chelsea is always the voice of reason. “We’re not forcing anything on you. We just want it to work out how we always pictured it.” She grabs my hand. “I left, too. But I knew my heart was here. I think Tom is the same. He left, but he knows his heart is here. And he came back for it. He always comes back, Farrah.”

“Yeah, but he always leaves, too. And what if there’s a time he doesn’t come back? I can’t even go there.” Choking up at the thought, I bury that one deep, I’ve had enough nights worrying like that.

“No. We don’t talk like that. You heard Billy tonight. He was begging Tom to give this up. I think it’s time. We’re not kids anymore. There are lots of changes happening, and I think Tom is feeling it.”

I shrug. I hope she’s right, but I fear it may be too late. Can we get back what we had before he left? I can’t just be his outlet anymore. He needs to let me be his equal. His safety net when he’s low and my lion when I’m weak. I’m standing my ground and sticking with what I said when he left. When he’s ready, he can come to me. I won’t let him steal my dreams from me anymore.

* * *

We arriveat Mooses in separate cars which I know will all still be here in the parking lot come morning. Al St. Claire, the owner of the bar, takes our keys upon arrival and everyone gives them up willingly.

It’s about to be on.

Tom walks in last, and the place erupts. It’s a local joint and the fact that Tom snuck in today unnoticed makes the town go nuts. Al is the first to get to him and for an older man, he’s pretty quick. It brings tears to my eyes to watch their reunion. After a lot of hugs and welcome homes, we find our spot in the back and, since it’s rare that the entire family is out together, they leave us be.

Cash and Jackson go to the bar and place our order. Billy and Adley head to the jukebox and pick out a few hours worth of music. Bobby moved two tables together and we’re all crowded around together. I’m vibrating, sitting this close to Tom again. We’ve always been the non-couple at all the group outings. It was hard not to touch him then, and it’s just as hard right now.

We never officially named what we were. It started so long ago and it was just assumed we were always each other plus one. No one questioned what we did. It was implied; the girls teased, but we were never officially an item. We never showed PDA in front of the group. I’m not sure why, since they all knew we were sleeping together. But it was just another thing that Tommy didn’t like, so I respected his boundaries.

I hated it, though. I didn’t want to climb him like a tree in public, but would it hurt to hold my hand? Touch my back? Anything to show the world I was his, and he was mine?

We had many conversations about it, but I knew that wasn’t Tom’s outlook. He was happy just having me and for the longest time I was happy just knowing I was the only one for him. Do I want to get married? Of course, but I stopped wishing for that. Tom was always my end all, and we already had each other. I sacrificed a dream because I had my dream guy. If the dream guy didn’t want to take it further, I had to just settle for what we had.

Right?

“You look gorgeous tonight, Farrah.”

His voice runs through me, and I can already feel him inside me. It’s been too long since I’ve had his hands on me, in me, and my body is already looking for him to fill it. “Thank you.”

“Here we are!” Jackson places a tray with pints of beer in front of us. Cash comes with a second tray of shots and also places a spicy margarita in front of me.

“I got your favorite. Jackson was ordering beers, and I knew you wouldn’t want one.”

“Thank you, Cash.” I feel Tom bristle beside me. I grab the drink and take a sip.

“Did he get it right? I bet he didn’t ask for the extra triple sec like you like.” Tom leans in and whispers, but he says it loud enough for Cash to hear.

“I’ve known her for a year. I know how she likes her drink.”

My body seizes.

“Eleven months. If that. Talk to me in twenty years.”

I look across the table and see Chelsea watching me. Her eyes are round and she’s glancing between us three. This makes me feel so uncomfortable. I’m not that girl who attracts two men, let alone has them fighting across me. I’m low key and save my wild for only one man.

This cannot happen.

I lay my hand on Tom’s hand, trying to soothe him as I turn to Cash. “The drink is great, thank you.”

He watches me for a moment before standing. “Anyone for pool?”

“I’ll play.”

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