Page 6 of The Biggest Sacrifice

There’s something different tonight.I felt it when Tommy walked through the door. I tossed it up to another mood, sweeping him away. And when he initiated the chase, I knew to push back. It’s what he needed tonight. I could sense it.

And I wanted him to use me to get over whatever was running through his head. I enjoy being that for him, even if he won’t tell me what he’s thinking.

“I’m running to the bathroom and I need to grab some water. Want anything?”

“Yes, please. A glass of water, too.” He replies and I feel his eyes on me as I walk to the bathroom. I give my hips an extra sway. “You better bring that ass back to bed quickly, Farrah.”

I grin and slam the door. That should light his fire again. I grabbed my phone as I went by the desk and placed it on the counter. I use the restroom and when I wash my hands, I see a text message blinking. Picking it up, I see a text from Francesca.

Chess: I’m so sorry, Far. Please call me, we’ll go to the Base together tomorrow.

I furrow my brows. The Base? Why would we go there? My heart races and tonight’s events fall into place.

I’ve been here before. A few times, only I’ve been on the other side. The comforting side. The Casanova family has said goodbye to Tommy too many times to count. I hated it each time.

This leave is different. This time, he’s not only leaving them, he’s leavingme. What we’ve been doing, never giving it a label because he can’t do that, has slowly been killing me. But I’ve fortified myself against wanting more, teaching myself to be happy with what I get, because I still get him. I’m the one he has coffee with every morning, dinner with on nights he’s not on shift. I’m the first call, the first text.

And now, the first one he leaves.

I grab at the first t-shirt I see laying on the floor, yanking open the door. He spots me in a t-shirt and says, “Hey, take that o-”

“When were you going to tell me?”

Our eyes connect. My sharp tone surprises him, but as I watch his eyes track down my body to the phone in my hand, his expression changes.

“Who told you?”

“Not you.”

He jumps from the bed, frantically pulling on his boxers. “I told them to let me tell you!”

“Oh, how nice. And when was that going to happen? In between me sucking your dick and round two of sex? Did you come to get your fill before you leave?”

He freezes, his eyes fixated on me with such disdain. This Tommy, I don’t know. I've seen this expression multiple times throughout the years, and it still terrifies me. It’s like he goes deep inside himself, to a place no one knows, solidifying himself and pulling a new person from within.Thatperson doesn’t care about anything or anyone and is simply just there. No feeling. No emotion. Nothing but surviving his surroundings.

He grabs for his jeans, punching his legs into them and stalks closer to me. I back up slightly and lean against the doorjamb. He reaches out, putting his hand above my head on the wall.

“I’llneverget my fill.” And with those five words, he turns and walks out of the room. I hold my breath, waiting for him to come back until I hear the front door slam.

I had expected this situation since we became exclusive. Though we’ve never said the words to one another, we both knew it was only us. Hell, his family and the town knew it was just us. As the time passed from his last deployment and we spent more time together, I assumed I was safe from another leave. But I should know better. Tommy doesn't operate that way. So, after an hour of tears, I was able to gather my strength and I crossed the street to his home in the early hours of the morning. The neighborhood was quiet, the sun just coming up over the trees. The world was waking up to a brand new day, and mine was just beginning to end.

I walk up his front steps and just as I’m about to knock, the door opens. He looks back at me and my eyes sweep up his body, taking in the BDU’s he wears and the gold chain I gave him for Christmas, glistening around his neck. His shirtless chest displays a tattoo of a roaring lion that I long to reach out and caress. Instead, I tighten my fists and keep my hands to my side.

“Tommy.”

He steps back. “Do you want to come in?”

I nod my head, but say no, my body is already betraying what my mind is trying to say while my heart screams over and over, ‘you can’t continue like this.’

When I try to get words out, he speaks. “I’m sorry, Farrah. I am. It kills me to leave you. I know you don’t believe that, but it does. You’re first on my mind, always, but I have to do this.”

“I know you have to. I know you’llalwayschooseto go, so I wanted to say goodbye on my terms. Tommy, this isn’t fair to me anymore. There is so much more I want and need from you, and you’re just not ready. I'm not sure if you'll ever be ready and it wouldn't be fair for me to force my desires onto you. My dreams are here, and yours are not. If our timing ever works out, it would be perfect, but until then, I think we should call this what it was. An unexpected yet familiar bond between us we just weren't ready for. We need to find that friendship again. There can be no expectations of anything more.”

His eyes are fixed on mine. I step closer to him, laying my hand on his lion tattoo and kiss the side of his cheek and say the words I never got in return. “I love you Tommy. That was never the issue here.” I step back and turn to walk down the steps.

“Farrah.”

Pausing at his call of my name, my body wants to run right into his arms, but I don’t turn back to face him. I can’t.

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