Page 34 of The Biggest Sacrifice

Yes, I want her. That’s never been the issue. It’s letting everyone else know I want her that needs to become reality now. I wrote her that letter that hopefully one day she’ll read and know just how much she means to me. But I couldn’t give it to her just yet, because once I came home and saw all that had changed, I fell back again into despair. I fell back into my anger and guilt that lives my life for me.

But Friday was different.

I love her, and I’ve been a jerk for years. From the time I first noticed her, I took more than I should have. Tracking and chasing, praying to grab her vision, just so she would understand my look, understand my craving, and then hope she would play the game with me. And boy, she did not disappoint. I loved that she loved being my prey. I loved that she filled that need without me having to explain it.

All her sacrifices for me during that time, and especially the last three years, were totally unfair to her, yet she gave herself to me, anyway. She knew I needed the roughness, the animalistic play, without ever knowing why. She fed my desires, and I opened her eyes to so much more pleasure than she’d ever known before. I let her explore that side of her, never judged and only guided.

I loved being that teacher for her.

I’m not remiss to know that my family has sacrificed too. Especially Billy. I have no clue how to repay him for the lost time, but I want nothing more than to try every day that we have together from now on.

JT would want me to. If he was here, he’d probably kick my ass and tell me to suck it up and stop being selfish. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, TC. I know you’re in charge here, but make no mistake, your girl holds the rank at home.” He loved reminding me I wasn’t shit for women. Especially her. I smile, remembering the way his face lit when I finally told him about Farrah. I never shared my love life, but something about the way he carried himself made it easy for me to talk to him.

I miss him.

“Hey, hey!” My back is to the door, but that voice. It runs through me and gives me the chills each time I hear it. I know I had a momentary lapse of judgment the other night with Cash when I gave him a high five. I chalk it up to getting caught up in the game's excitement. Because as soon as I saw his little interaction with Farrah, he moved right down to the bottom of my list again.

But he means nothing to her. I know it. And If he doesn’t know it yet, I’ll be sure to remind him. She’s going to be mine again and end up right where she belongs. Next to me.

“Casanova! Let’s get moving.”

I turn slowly, taking my time to move to the desk and lean against it. “Don’t tell me what to do, new guy.”

He rolls his eyes. “New guy. We’re back to that? Seriously? After the moment we shared?”

He’s pushing my buttons on purpose. The only two I ever allowed to get away with it were Billy and JT. So I don’t like that this guy is taking that leniency with me.

“A moment?” I scoff. “Hardly. You’re lucky I only gave you a high five. I was aiming for your face.”

He screws up his face. “Ooh, poor aim for a cop. Maybe you should go back to the range and improve your shot.”

I stare him down, taking a slow pull from my coffee, my eyes never leaving him.

“Trying to be intimidating? It’d work if you weren’t so pretty. Billy has you beat, though. I bet you wish you were identical twins now, don’t you?” He chuckles at his lame joke and I don’t make a sound. “I don’t know what it is with you, Casanovas. Must be something in the water.”

“You hitting on me, now? Oh, wait, Air Force, right?” I wink at him, trying to goad him into breaking. This guy is too nice, too passive, too friendly. I’ve only known one other person who, amid chaos, could find the sunlight.

It’s usually Billy, but even he’s broken a few times. No, JT could always find the bright side. And it drove me crazy.

“Come on, pretty boy, we’ve got routes to ride. I’ll even let you drive today.”

This fucking guy. I drain my coffee and toss the cup. Then I grab the keys from the rack and walk past him without a word. He follows me out to the lot and we both get in the car. I start it up and we pull out.

“Beautiful day today. I love the weather here.”

I roll my eyes and keep driving. I’m not making small talk with this fucker.

“I sat with Ms. Baker last night for dinner at the Diner.” He chuckles. “She’s a piece of work, always trying to play matchmaker.”

My heart rate increases a bit. She better not be trying to match him with my girl.

“I spoke with Bobby the other day about looking for a house. Now that I know I’m staying, I’m looking to buy in the area.”

My grip on the wheel tightens, and I cut the corner a little too short. He grabs for the handle above him.

“Damn, do you need to go back to driving school, too? First the range, now the-”

“Can you shut up? Seriously. Just don’t talk.”

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