Page 22 of The Biggest Sacrifice

Leaving Tommy standing in his house the other day broke me. But I needed to take a stand. This back and forth with us cannot continue and he needs to know I’m serious.

“The Lion laid his big paw on the little mouse, trapping him. The mouse begged the lion to let it go, and the lion took pity on the little mouse and did so.”

I close my eyes and lean against my desk. I begged him to let me go, but I’m the one still holding on. I’m secretly still clinging to any piece he’ll give, hoping and praying my words sink in and he’ll come to trust me. Tell me what is going on. Tell me he’ll stay.

A slight knock on the door has me turning to see Cash looking through the glass window of the classroom. The kids are absorbed in the story, so I catch Ms. Johnson’s eye and nod to the door. I quietly step out, shutting it behind me.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Everything okay?”

Cash hands me a small bag with my family’s bakery logo on the front. “Everything’s fine. I was on patrol, stopped for coffee and figured you hadn’t eaten yet, so I grabbed you something.”

I eye him cautiously. He used to stop in at my school often when he first moved here. My dad said he was courting me and I laughed at his old-fashioned term. Turns out, he was right. So Cash showing up, unannounced with gifts, is raising my red flag.

He must read my mind because he chuckles and puts up his hands. “Farrah, there is no ulterior motive here. I promise. I heard you loud and clear and I know where we stand. I’m just trying to be a good friend.”

I relax at his words, but him being a ‘good friend’ makes me wonder what happened today.

“Did something happen at the station? I know Tommy was going down there today to see Chief Hunter.”

Francesca stopped by this morning. She and Jackson had an early flight to North Carolina to go watch Jameson Winters in a preseason game. Christmas is gaining traction as the small town that turns out big athletes. And Jackson is pumped to see one of the kids he’s coached make it to the NFL, and especially to the team he used to play for. But she mentioned Tommy was miserable sitting with nothing to do and he told her he was going to go talk with the Chief about getting him back on rotation sooner rather than later. Too much time is never a good thing for him. Tommy was never good about being still. His mind is always running. And if he wasn’t on shift, he was with me, putting that energy to other uses.

My body flushes just thinking about it.

Cash chuckles. “This town.” he shakes his head. “I swear the residents here know gossip faster than dispatch does sometimes.”

I smile and lean against the wall. “Talk travels fast.”

“Speaking of, I think there’s something going on with Chief Hunter and Daisy.”

My eyes widen. “The new dispatch girl? Isn’t she his daughter’s best friend?”

He laughs. “Yup. It’s causing quite a stir down at the station.”

Smiling to myself, I say, “The Chief is a good-looking guy. And he’s not that much older than us.”

Cash shrugs. “He’s got about twenty years on her, though.”

I shake my head. “Adley would have a field day writing that love story.” I smile. “Okay, enough stalling. What happened down there today?”

He sighs. “Tom came down. And he was clearly not happy when Chief Hunter told him I was staying.” He lets out a little breath. “Just wait until he hears we’re going to be partners.”

My eyes widen. “Partners?” I didn’t know this. I knew the department was keeping Cash, but I didn’t realize the two would be paired up.

“It won’t be all the time, but Chief told me he wants me doing ride-alongs with Tom to ease him back in. I told him I don’t think it’s a good idea. Tom is very much capable of stepping back into his role, picking up where he left off, but the Chief is concerned the year he’s been out has been too much for him.”

This isn’t good. Tom already thinks there is something between Cash and I. I just know he will not be welcoming or helpful to him during their time at work together.

“Does the Chief know something? Did something happen to Tommy?” Cash drops his head and takes a breath. “Cash, tell me. I need to know.”

He shakes his head and looks at me. “Chief hasn’t said a word to me, so if he knows something, he hasn’t told me. It’s also not my place to ask. But I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want you to get upset or worry yourself anymore than you already are.”

“Saying that and expecting me not to do it is unrealistic!”

He smiles and grabs for my hand. “I know that about you, but just listen. Tom is working through something. I can see it. I’ve been where he is.” I watch as he drops his eyes from me again and pauses. I wait for him to continue. “No one that goes away ever comes back the same. We see and hear shit no one should. We learn that we will never sleep in silence again. There will always be memories churning. It changes who we are, some more than others. It makes us stronger in areas and weaker in others. From what I’ve heard you and his family speak about Tom, and from the few interactions I’ve had with him, he’s strong and resolute in his protection of his family. His strength is linked to his role in the family, and it helps him stay grounded. But the weakest area for him is letting his family, and you, see the Tom that needs their soft side. The Tom that needs forgiveness.”

A tear leaks from my eye because I know this already, but hearing it from someone who sees it from the outside hurts. I feel like I’ve failed him.

“Don’t cry, Farrah. I’m not saying this to upset you. I want you to know Tom isn’t capable of letting anyone in just yet. You are not to carry those feelings on your shoulders. Knowing you, I’m sure you’ve done more than your part of letting him know you’re here for him. He’s got to come to terms with what he’s seen, or what he’s done. Once he does that, he’ll be free to let someone in.”

---