Page 2 of The Biggest Sacrifice

“I’d fuckinghunt them down and kill them.”

“Then you understandhow I feel. Bro, I want to do everything in my power to make the world better. I know that sounds corny and probably selfish to you, but I can’t change who I am.”

“Then stay here and change it..”Adam pleads.

“I need to do more.”

His face is becoming red,his breathing picking up. I’d normally be afraid that I’m going to send him into a tailspin with this news, but I know Chelsea Jo will be the one to hold him down. She’ll be the one to keep him focused on what he needs to do here for them, as head of the family, and not on what I’m doing a world away.

“What about Farrah?”

I drop my head.I never committed to Farrah, and I never will because she deserves better than what I can give. She deserves someone who’s going to stay. She deserves someone who isn’t always going to be looking for or waiting for the call to run towards something bigger. She deserves someone who can be honest about their shortfalls and honest with their fears.

“I can’t giveher what she wants.” I rise from my chair, looking for a way out.

“It seemsto me like you’ve already been doing that. Looks that way to all of us.” He stands abruptly, knocking the chair he was sitting in on its side. It hits the cement with a loud clank but neither of us flinches. Adam is too mad to care, and I’m trained not to. “I can’t continue this conversation. I think you’re selfish and I think you’re looking for hero status. You can have all of what you’re looking for right here. In fact, you DO have it all. Right. Fucking. Here.”

He walks past me,bumping my shoulder aggressively as he goes, and my heart twists inside my chest. I knew this would be the reaction from Adam. He was going to take it personally and it’s going to make it that much harder for me to tell the rest of the family.

“I leave Thursday.”I call over my shoulder.

He comesto a halt but doesn’t turn to look at me. “That’s two fucking days, Tom.”

“Yeah. I know.”

He continues walking awayand when I hear the door open and close, I know our conversation is over. I take a moment, then stand and walk through the side gate back to my truck. I’ll head to Francesca, then Billy and mom and dad. And finally, Farrah. For those who don’t understand, no explanation is possible. But I’ll listen to the questions, accept the yelling and finally, watch the tears.

I’ll breakmy family’s heart.

Again.

Then break hers.

Mine is already shattered.

CHAPTER 1

TOM

“I knowyou all don’t understand, but I need to go.”

I can’t take the tears anymore, so I stand and leave the house. I’ve hardened myself coming here, which only makes it that much worse for them. They think I don’t care about them. They think I'm leaving because I'm searching for something bigger and that I'm only concerned with finding something that excites me. While that’s all true, I am looking for that outlet, I’d die for every one of them. I would do anything they ask of me.

Except stay.

Not while this need is still inside me. For the longest time, I’ve learned to live with it. I’ve been able to hold most of the feelings at bay. Until I couldn’t anymore. The guilt is just too much, and the anger only increases it.

Telling her is going to be the worst. My body is tight with need and I’m desperate for a release.

“I’m going to Farrah’s now. I’d appreciate it if you all could keep that gossip chat line to a minimum, at least for the next few hours, so I can talk to her myself.”

I turn and walk out of my parents’ house, leaving behind my twin brother, Billy and my baby sister, Francesca, in shock. Her husband was at the school coaching so I’m preparing to get a call from Jackson later, yelling at me for upsetting his pregnant wife. In the meantime, I need to get to Farrah’s.

I pull up in front of her home, three doors down from my own. We all live within walking distance of each other. It’s the best and worst part about being so close. Everyone knows everyone’s business, but we’re family. It comes with the territory.

It’s how they all know what Farrah and I have been doing. Well, not everything we’ve been doing. I don’t even know what we’ve been doing. I just know I’ve been avoiding any kind of commitment while enjoying the perks of one.

I knock on the door and let myself in. “Farrah?” I call out.

---