Page 38 of Ends of Being

WhenIwakeinthe morning, I’m not surprised to find I’m alone. Disappointed but not surprised.

Once Dare felt he’d taken care of me properly, he helped me out of the tub, dried me off, and even went so far as to slather me with moisturizer. Which just happened to be the same brand and scent I typically use. I probably should be annoyed or at least slightly creeped out, but I’m not. I actually think it’s kind of funny. Which means I’m likely losing it.

I was annoyed, however, that he refused to fuck me in the tub, no matter how much I taunted and teased him. I recognize that he was probably right, that my body had been put through enough for one session, but that didn’t stop me from pouting for a few moments. But then he kissed the pout off me and slapped my ass, which perked me right up. Again, I must be losing it.

Eventually, he helped me into bed and then went about tidying up a few things before joining me. I figured my brain would start to overthink and second-guess and question anything and everything I could possibly nitpick, but to my great surprise, nothing happened. It was all quiet—peaceful, even.

So, I let him gather me against him and hold onto me tightly from behind. I allowed myself to sink back into him and enjoy the feel of his face pressed into my hair, his exhalations hot along my ear and neck. He murmured quiet words of affirmation and reassurance, and I fell asleep, seemingly at peace with the situation.

I’m not exactly at peace now, in the light of day, but there are still remnants of a fire burning inside me at the thought of him, like actual butterflies in my chest.

I grimace.Butterflies. Ugh.

I have no idea how we jumped from bickering coworkers to this fire-injected inferno of near obsession, but here we are.

Or at least, here I am.

I suppose if we’re having a contest on who could possibly be more obsessed, he would win, given how long he’s been keeping tabs on me and the lengths he has gone to pursue me up to this point.

But I may not be too far behind him, and I worry this inferno will burn out, and I’ll be destroyed. Or I’ll destroy him because that’s what I do—destroy people.

I let people get close to me, and then I shut off and close down; push them away until they finally get sick of my shit and stop trying to make it work. And that’s not just with men; that’s with everyone.

It’s one of those situations where you’re fully aware of your many toxic personality traits, but you can’t be bothered to even attempt to fix them. Because that’s just who you are at this point in your life, and fuck everyone who can’t accept the bad with the good.

That’s what’s funny about this situation with Dare. All he has known of me is my complete toxicity, and he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s gone the complete opposite way, for that matter; he fucking loves it. How or why is beyond me, but I can’t say I’m going to overthink that too much at this point.

I’m definitely still a bit freaked out about what I found in the upstairs bedroom of his house. Mostly, I’m shocked he put in so much effort to keep tabs on me for so long. Not that it detracts from the fact he has been stalking me for quite some time, but it is surprising he didn’t grow bored with the situation and either make a move on me or move on from me.

See, here we have a toxic personality rationalizing the chronic stalking of a possible madman and turning it into a positive thing. Because surely that means he must think a great deal of me.

I wasn’t surprised to find Tony and Matt back in the kitchen when I finally ventured downstairs. They both glance at me and then smirk at each other. I roll my eyes at them. “Don’t start.”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about,” Matt says with an incredulous look.

I snort, shaking my head at him. “I can see it in your eyes, Chief.”

He laughs, then shrugs at me. “Oh, well, maybe you should’ve worn a turtleneck and a face mask.”

I glare at him, well aware of the many marks on my body that are entirely obvious to anyone with eyes. I contemplated attempting to cover them up with clothing and makeup, but I hate turtlenecks, and really, I didn’t see any point considering both of these men know Dare and that he was here last night. If they didn’t know he was coming, they certainly would’ve caught on pretty quickly, considering what I can only imagine were incredibly loud noises coming from my bedroom.

I can’t help but blush a bit, feeling the heat in my cheeks as Tony smirks at me knowingly. So, I glare at him, too. “Shut the fuck up, Tony.”

He grins at me, walking over with one hand in the air as he says, “Shut it, Nettie. High five.”

I pretend to return his high five, then punch him in the gut instead.

Matt laughs loudly, so I shoot him a glare and say, “Do you want some too, buddy?”

“No, I’m good.”

I bypass him and go over to the counter where there’s food still out from the late breakfast one of them must’ve cooked. I add some of this and that onto a plate and then take a seat at the bar to feed my face.

We sit in companionable silence for long moments as I consume the food in front of me and internally ponder my life up to this point. Not that there’s a whole lot of deep pondering going on, considering my mind keeps drifting off to the events of last night.

I can’t help but shiver at the memory, and I’m not sure how many times Tony says my name before I snap to attention and glance over.

“What do you want, Tony?”

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