Page 66 of The Air You Breathe

“I was scared.” I said rubbing the back of my neck. “I was selling my soul to the devil because I was so scared of losing Kaili. Since I had no idea what I was getting into, I didn’t want to lose you too or worse get you involved in something that could have you in danger.”

I stood up walking up to Darcy, cupping her face in my hands.

“At first, I thought I had made the right decision. Kaili went to get her treatment. I was doing small stuff for Lucio, like working on getting as much of the business legit, making his stuff look like he was just a businessman. It was easy to keep my distance, checking on you every so often. Giovanni’s wife loved your coffee with Mary’s pastries, so she gave me updates about you.” I rested my forehead against hers, finding the strength to tell her the rest.

“I thought when I paid my debt, I would leave, but then my dad died. My mom wasn’t able to cover her living expenses alone, especially with the medications Kaili had to take. Things started to get more serious with Lucio. I was in charge of the fights, and there were a few times I experienced the really bad side of working for Lucio. Then you went out on a date with those guys, and I almost lost my shit. Two years had already gone by, and I knew asking you to wait would only placate you for a little bit.”

I took a deep breath, kissing her forehead, then each of her cheeks. “I felt like every time I wanted to go back to you there was always something in the way. The more time that went by, the more I lost my nerve to go back to you. I knew I had failed you, failed us and your rejection would have just made this reality more real. When I saw you at the club and actually talked to you, I was hooked again. Then we slept with each other. Fuck, Darce, I thought we were getting our break, but then you ghosted me.”

I rubbed my nose against hers then brushed our lips together, butterflies soared in my chest. “I get why you did it, but it didn't hurt any less. Then seeing you with Dev, I almost kicked his ass for fucking touching you, but I remembered that I left you and you didn’t owe me anything. If there was anyone who would protect you to the ends of the earth it would be Dev. So, I accepted it.”

“Evan,” Darcy exhaled. “I’m sorry.”

I waited for the rejection, I was sure it was about to come but I didn’t know if I could hear it. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” I tucked a stray hair behind her ear, then held her by her shoulders admiring her beauty. “My camellia, you don’t need to apologize.”

“I ghosted you because I didn’t want to be rejected again. You also looked so good at the club; I assumed things were going great for you. I hated that you looked like you hadn’t suffered like I had, making me think that our one night was just a moment of weakness.” She pulled away from me, wrapping her arms around herself. “It wasn’t until I saw you more often that I realized that this entire thing with Lucio was hard on you and maybe you only looked good because that’s what you wanted me to see.”

She scrubbed her face with her hands like she was frustrated. “I miss you calling me camellia, I wish we could go back to my dorm to redo everything. I would pester you until you let me back in, but thinking about the past isn’t going to get us to move forward. What I’m trying to say is, I’m trying to forgive you.”

“That's all I can ask for,” I said, moving towards her to bring her in for a hug. I might have gotten carried away earlier, but if Dev is who she wanted in the end, then I would have to respect that, even if it broke me. A small part of me wondered if she could love both of us.

Would I be ok with only sharing a piece of her heart?

She wrapped her arms around my waist as she burrowed her face into my chest, reminding me of those days she used to seek comfort in my arms. I basked in her warmth, savoring the closest feeling I've had to absolute peace in God knows how long. Darcy would always be the air that kept me living, even on days when the waves of life kept pushing me down.

I squeezed her a little tighter, thinking I might need to just get over myself. If she could give me a piece of herself then I would be happy because not having Darcy in my life sounded like a future I wanted no part of.

27

DEV

My head was pounding like bulls were running across my forehead, making me flinch when I opened my eyes. The sun was way too bright, the clock was too noisy and my body fucking hurt. I put my face back into my pillow, debating if it was even worth getting up. I looked over to see it was just Evan and I in the bed. Darcy must have gotten tired of our snoring, or we had hogged the bed.

I honestly don’t remember coming to bed or even falling asleep. We finished drinking half the bottle not long after we started, making me regret drinking on an empty stomach. I must have fallen asleep again because this time I woke up alone in bed. The sun wasn’t so bright making me think it was a little later in the day.

This time my headache wasn’t quite so bad, but I still felt like shit. The smell of something amazing made my mouth water and I really needed to eat. I also needed to check on Darcy, worried she and Evan might be getting into a fight.

I rolled over, getting off the bed to go to the kitchen when I realized, I really needed to fucking shower. I had been in the same clothes for the past two days. A shower would hopefully help me wake up, and make me feel better or as good as I could be without my brother.

Just thinking about yesterday made my stomach sour even more. I knew drinking wasn’t the answer, it didn’t even make me feel better, but Ineededto forget for just a moment. When Evan got to the cabin, I had every intention of asking about what happened or even asking how Vittoria and my niece were doing, but I think my mind just shut down. I was starting to feel numb to it all, making me feel even guiltier. I needed just one more fucking day and then I could take care of whatever I needed to do.

After showering, I put on nothing but a pair of sweats and walked to the kitchen. The smell of gravy hit me, making my stomach growl. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw Evan and Darcy hugging. I stopped and slowly began to back out to the hallway to give them some privacy even though I really wanted to eat. They needed to talk, more than I needed some food, when I was about to turn around, Evan looked at me.

“Food is almost ready,” he said.

Darcy turned around to look at me, with a worried expression, but she still smiled at me.

“I’m starving,” I said my voice more gravelly than usual, sitting on a barstool watching Darcy check on the food. Evan grabbed a few glasses of water and some pills from a drawer before setting them down in front of me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, taking the pills.

Evan was helping Darcy finish a few things, which felt very domestic in their kitchen dance. I expected to feel a little jealous because they had clearly talked, with the small glances and touches. The conversation was long overdue, and appeared to have been good for them, and I was content to see Darcy happy. That’s all I wanted, her happiness no matter what.

“Do you need help?” I asked, my mouth watering.

“I think we are all done,” Darcy said, putting the food on some plates. “Actually, can you put the biscuits on a plate or in a bowl while Evan sets the table?”

I nodded, walking behind her, touching her waist as I passed by for a bowl. She needed to know I still wanted her no matter what she and Evan had talked about. I joined their dance, noticing Evan was touching her and she was doing the same to us. It felt like foreplay, but I didn’t know if anyone else saw it that way.

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