Page 48 of The Air You Breathe

“What the fuck man?” He looked confused.

“I have to go,” I said, opening the door and he closed the door again.

“No, we are talking about this,” Dev snapped. “Running away isn’t solving anything, it's just going to make this worse.”

“I’m not running away,” I said, raising my voice.

“It sure looks like you are. What the hell is that going to fix?”

“Even if I wanted to, there is no running away from you two.” I sneered.

“Look, I didn’t expect this to happen.” He started explaining and I shook my head because I didn’t want to hear it. “You’re the one who threw us together.”

If I had known this would happen, then I wouldn’t have had Dev watching her in the first place. I had done it because I trusted him, but it’s not like I set any rules in place, I just expected him to keep his distance.

“Well congratulations, I hope you guys have fun together.”

“No, this isn’t how we are fucking doing this,” he snapped.

“You don’t get to tell me how to handle my feelings with the woman I’ve been in love with for years.” I pushed him away. “I have thought about my decision every day wondering if I made the right one, wondering if I was a fucking idiot for doing what I did to keep everyone I love safe. You don’t get to tell me how to feel.”

“Don’t be an ass. Look, I know it's unexpected—”

I punched him before he could say anything else. It was a fucking dick move but didn’t want to hear how they had feelings for each other or worse, how they fucking fell in love. God, I hoped they weren’t together when Darcy and I fucked. He fell back on the dirt, looking at me in shock.

“I don't want to hear it.” My voice broke at the end. Emotions bubbled up to the surface and if I didn’t get my shit together, I was going to lose it in front of him. “I took too long, and I was the idiot who expected her to wait for me. I thought I had time.”

“Evan—” He got up from the floor, moving his jaw side to side.

I shook my head at him. “I just came by to let you guys know, things have settled down enough, I think she should be fine going back to work. I’m sure you guys can figure out the details to keep her safe and I’ll do as much as I can on my end.”

I opened the door, sliding in and yanked the door closed but Dev stopped me from closing it.

“That was your free shot because I should have told you what was happening, but I think we should talk about this. I think we could—”

“I have a lot of shit to do and I don't have time for this. There is nothing to talk about.” I interrupted him, holding on to the steering wheel like it was my lifeline.

“You don’t have time for Darcy?” he snapped. “You fucking make time for her, if you care about her as much as you say you do, she is a priority.”

“You think she isn’t a fucking priority?” I yelled, getting really pissed off. “What the fuck do you think I have been doing these past few days?” I exited the car getting close to him. “I have been making sure your father isn’t fucking doing shit like killing everyone who he thinks is a threat or killing someone because he is pissed about a deal that fucking went south. The feds are on our ass, Dev.”

Dev scowled. “Why didn’t anyone tell me this?”

Giovanni made sure Dev was kept out of as much of the business as possible, because if something went down, the less he knew, the better. We were trying to protect all of our families and that meant Dev too, even though he was old enough to be brought into the business years ago. Giovanni didn’t want him to be sucked into this life like he had been, and I agreed.

“We’ve been keeping this as quiet as possible so as not to stir anything up. The deal that went bad brought a lot of unwanted attention. Your brother and I are taking the heat for it.” I took a step back, trying to reign in my anger. I wanted to tell him his father was trying to get into sex trafficking but the less he knew the better. “So, I have been busy putting Darcy first. Don’t say that shit again.”

Dev looked at the cabin and then back at me. “Look, I get you’re fucking stressed and if you and Giovanni just told me shit instead of keeping me in the dark, then maybe I would be able to help.”

“I think your attention is needed elsewhere,” I said, being an ass, but I couldn’t help it. “Just keep her safe and watch out for anything that looks suspicious. Geraldo is salivating at the mouth to do something stupid; I can feel it.” I walked back to my car.

“This isn't over. We will talk about her,” Dev called out.

“Not if I can help it,” I muttered, closing the door.

I started the car, backing out to turn around. Dev was standing there with his hands in his pockets looking just as lost and confused as I was, but he wasn’t the one losing his world. It seems like no matter what I did three years ago I was meant to lose someone even though I fought hard to do the right thing. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

On the drive back to Mountain View, I went over every possible choice I had three years ago and no matter what, it seemed I was bound to lose someone, whether it be my sister or Darcy. No matter what, I had to come to terms with my choice because at least everyone was alive, but for how long?

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